Hello and welcome back to Life’s Biggest Questions, I’m Ron McKenzie-Lefurgey.
The Kappa are mythological creatures originating in Japan, believed to inhabit the waters and
terrorize unwitting bathers.
They do this by drinking their blood, eating their livers, or, most disturbingly, by removing
a mythical organ from the anus.
Yep, this will be a weird video.
But what if the Kappa were not just a disturbing creation of the human mind, but actually existed?
Let's explore.
If you want more What If videos, check out our “Biggest What Ifs” playlist on the
channel.
Now get ready, it’s time to ask the question: What if the Kappa were real?
Kappa are said to resemble humans in shape, although they're somewhat smaller, closer
to the size of a 10 year old child.
They can be found in ponds and rivers in Japan and elsewhere.
They tend to be green and scaly, with webbed hands and feet, and a carapace resembling
a turtle shell on their back.
They also are said to have a cavity on their head called a sara, which retains water.
When outside of water, this dish must remain full, or else the kappa can lose power or
die.
If you wish to escape a Kappa, your best course of action is to try to empty this dish.
This can be done by knocking it over, or by bowing to it.
Since Kappa are surprisingly polite, it will likely bow back, dump out its water, and be
severely weakened.
Then, not only will you survive, but if you refill the sara, the Kappa will be indebted
to you for life.
Alternatively, cucumbers can be thrown in order to distract a Kappa, since they love
cucumbers even more than this guy.
Of course, you’re not nearly as interested in the appearance of the kappa as you are
in their actions.
And admit it… it’s because of the butt thing, isn’t it?
Well, allow me to clarify.
Early depictions of the Kappa were rather vampiric in nature, being said to drink blood,
eat children, and yes, invade people’s butts.
This is because they are trying to get their hands on the shirikodama, a mythical ball-shaped
organ said to be found inside a person’s anus.
This idea originated because drowning victims were often found with a prolapsed anus, leading
people to believe some creature had tried to get on in there.
It’s possible that what they thought was a shirikodama was really the prostate, which
is also shaped like a ball.
It’s unclear why exactly the Kappa would want the organ; some say they wanted to eat
it, others say it was simply in the way of the liver, which they really wanted to eat,
and others went so far as to say it granted wishes, believing it to be the Buddhist Hojo.
But regardless of the reason, it is a gruesome thought.
Surprisingly, despite their rather disturbing habit of performing surprise prostate exams,
they aren’t the most malevolent of creatures.
Especially in recent years, they tend to be seen more as playful tricksters than scary
monsters.
They’re even said to have taught us the art of bonesetting, which involved the manipulation
of joints and resetting of fractured bones.
In general, however, a meeting with a Kappa was something to be avoided.
Okay, that was a lot of info, but it was needed.
What, then, would happen if these badboys were real?
Well, first and foremost, people might be a bit more cautious when in or near a pond
or river.
If there was a possibility that a creature would come kill you, or else shove a hand
up your rump, a relaxing day by the river might not be so relaxing.
However, even if you didn’t plan on going into the water, everyone would probably carry
a cucumber or two around with them at all times.
Since the Kappa can walk on land, it’s possible that you could be hit at any time.
You would want to have a cucumber ready so you could throw it away to distract the creature
if you didn’t feel like bowing.
That said, the best tactic would, indeed, be to try to empty the sara, through force
or trickery.
This would not only help you to survive, but would have the added benefit of providing
you with a handy dandy servant!
The only problem here is that if you were too nervous, or something went wrong, you
could be feeling the unwelcome touch of a kappa in an even more unwelcome place.
But let’s focus on the happier case, where you don’t receive what could only be referred
to as the Kappa Colon Cleanse.
Having a Kappa on your side would be super useful.
Historically, they've been used to irrigate land, catch fish, and even help with medical
issues.
They would also make pretty neat pals, keeping an eye out for dangers and other Kappa that
may want to get your goat.
And by your goat, I mean your butt.
Depending on their intelligence and trustworthiness, they might even make decent babysitters However,
Kappa are not particularly numerous, so eventually, there’s a good chance that the majority
would be under the control of someone.
In this case, it’s possible that they would become the subjects of forced breeding.
If you had a bunch of Kappa reproducing, you could easily force the offspring to also become
indebted to you.
This could be done for a number of reasons, whether it was for labour, military purposes,
or even fishing.
However, this brings up another point: how would this be viewed by society?
Granted, if a creature was trying to eat a kid or reach up someone’s butt, they were
kind of asking to be punished.
But would a life of indentured servitude be seen as moral, or would it be seen as cruel?
That would be up to the court of public opinion to decide, but if they have any level of intelligence,
this would sound an awful lot like slavery.
In this case, perhaps we would continue to force the Kappa to owe us favours, but rather
than act as servants, we would simply order them to not harm humans.
However, with all that said, if the Kappa did act as viciously as they are sometimes
said to act, it could be that people wouldn’t have the patience to catch and release.
You don’t need to throw cucumbers or trick them into bowing when you have an assault
rifle.
In this way, most Kappa would likely be exterminated, with the few remaining being placed into a
sanctuary.
This would not be ideal, but sadly, it definitely sounds like something humans would do.
Thank you for watching Life’s Biggest Questions, I hope this was interesting and informative,
and maybe even inspired you to look into it further on your own.
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While you’re down there, let me know what YOU would do if you ran into a Kappa while
in the water.
Until next time, I’m Ron McKenzie-Lefurgey with Life’s Biggest Questions, wishing you
the best of luck, on your quest for answers.