• From turning off the rain to ice cream being too cold, the Planet Dolan crew re-enact
some of the best true stories from our subreddit about the dumbest complaints we’ve ever
heard. I’m Hellbent and today I’ll be your narrator.
Number 10 was submitted by DukeSR8 Ladybot
Back when she worked at a pet store, Ladybot had a fat woman storm in and go up to the
counter. She yelled at her, saying that the birdseed she had bought was bad and demanded
a refund. “How bad is it?” asked Ladybot. The woman yelled, “It killed my parakeet,
you motherfucker!” Then the woman showed her the package she had bought. After looking
at it, Ladybot told the woman that she had bought fish food and not birdseed. Despite
telling her what had happened, the woman screamed so loud that everyone in the store heard her.
That was when the manager came out and asked her to leave, but that was when the woman
started throwing hamster cages at them while continuing to scream. The cops were called,
and the woman was arrested. It turned out that she was extremely drunk and high on bath
salts.
Number 9 was submitted by ServantOfAnubis Jameshark
The dumbest complaints Jameshark ever got was when he worked at a zoo. Several times,
guests complained to him about the weather. One of them had actually demanded that he
turn off the rain, as if he had control over the weather. The guests didn’t realize that
they could have taken shelter inside one of the zoo’s several buildings and looked at
the indoor exhibits. They would also get pissed because the zoo wouldn’t offer refunds or
rainchecks. One guest even asked, “What do you mean you’re not going to refund me
because it’s raining?” Jameshark doesn’t know why people just don’t check the weather
before going to the zoo.
Number 8 was submitted by PinkPearMartini Doopie
Doopie used to work at an animal shelter when she was a teenager. People would sometimes
come back in to return the animals, usually for valid reasons. But, there were some that
were unusual. One customer returned a German Shepard just two hours after adopting it,
saying that it jumped on the sofa as soon as it walked into the house. Another customer
had adopted a kitten, but came in seven months later saying that she thought it wasn’t
going to get any bigger and wanted a refund. There was another time when, the day after
a cat was adopted, the customer came in and said she wanted to return it because the cat
didn’t match the décor the way she had originally expected. Even a puppy was once
returned a week later for humping the customer’s leg! The returns would always be accepted,
too, as they didn’t want those animals being in the hands of lunatics. Doopie would also
always get asked, “Do you have any puppies or kittens that won’t grow?”
Number 7 was submitted by SheWhoLovesToDraw Gooby
One Christmas, when Gooby worked at a department store, she had to deal with a woman who tried
to return an “Elf On A Shelf.” She complained to Gooby that the elf didn’t work and wanted
a refund. The manager asked the woman what she meant by that, and she explained that
she sat the elf on top of the TV the night before. When she got up the next morning,
the elf was still on top of the TV and didn’t move to a shelf! After the woman left, Gooby
and her manager kept cracking up every time they saw one of those little elves, sitting
on the shelf.
Number 6 was submitted by Crazy_Coyote_KY Derek
Derek used to own a small bakery that was a little off the beaten path. One Saturday,
a man from New York City came in and asked where the traffic congestion was. Derek told
the man that he didn’t understand what he was asking. The man went on to complain that
there was a sign about two miles back that said, “Traffic Congestion Ahead.” He wanted
to know how could there be congestion without any cars, since traffic was very light that
day. Derek had to explain that the road department had done some road work a year prior but had
never taken down the sign. The man went nuts and kept saying how he was going to go back,
take some pictures, and then call people to get the sign taken down. Not only did Derek
think the complaint was dumb, but he also thought it was funny.
Number 5 was submitted by stone_toadWTF Spinalpalm
When Spinalpalm and his crush, Princess Proton, were in high school, they worked at a fast
food restaurant. Princess Proton worked at the drive-thru while Spinalpalm worked at
the ice cream machine. One night, a man and his girlfriend came in and ordered two Oreo
Cookie Blasts. Shortly after leaving with their orders, the man and his girlfriend came
back in pretty drunk and very angry. The girlfriend shouted, “Who the fuck here is the ice cream
vendor?” They saw Spinalpalm at the ice cream machine, preparing another order. She
yelled, “This is for making the ice cream cold, you bastard!” She then threw two cups
of ice cream at him before storming out. While storming out, she passed out. Her boyfriend
threw up on the floor before passing out as well. The manager called the police, who arrived
while Spinalpalm and Princess Proton were cleaning up the puke. The man and his girlfriend
were arrested for DUI, abuse, and trespassing. Soon after that night, Spinalpalm and Princess
Proton became a couple.
Number 4 was submitted by StitchTheKoala Pringle
Pringle and his friend, Grgak, were at a Little Caesars celebrating Grgak’s birthday. After
eating their pizza, they were leaving when they heard a man yelling at the cashier. He
said that he wanted a refund because the pizza had too much cheese on it. Pringle and Grgak
were confused at first, but then the lady behind the counter said, “You ordered a
large cheese pizza with extra cheese and stuffed crust, sir.” Then the man yelled, “If
I don’t’ get my fucking refund, I’m gonna give you pain! Now give me my fucking
refund before I bitch slap you!” Pringle and Grgak just walked out laughing.
Number 3 was submitted by BennyRose12 Danger Dolan
Dolan went to a grocery store one evening to grab dinner. He was waiting at the cash
register when, all of a sudden, an angry woman pushed past him and threw ice cream that was
already out of its package at the clerk. It hadn’t even been paid for yet! She yelled
at him, saying that there weren’t enough sprinkles on the ice cream. The yelling was
so loud that, after the woman left, Dolan had to comfort the clerk who was in tears.
A week later, Dolan got a job there when the same woman returned. She began complaining
to him about the same thing, only this time he said, “If you don’t like it, then fuck
off and don’t come back!” The woman looked at him for a moment, shocked. After that,
she never came back.
Number 2 was submitted by PROTECT-THE-TATERS Cidius
When Cid was in third grade, his school got new computers. The next day, one of his classmates
came back and pulled the computer mouse out of his backpack. To Cid’s surprise, his
classmate had actually taken one of the mice home with him for some reason. The kid held
up the computer mouse and said to the teacher, “My cat didn’t like the mouse. I thought
cats liked mice.” Needless to say, there were a few facepalms in the classroom when
the kid said that.
Number 1 was submitted by Forthealliencegirl Melissa
The dumbest complaint Melissa ever heard was when she worked at Walmart. A woman came up
to her and angrily asked for the manager. So, Melissa paged the manager. When the manager
walked up, the woman complained that the candy she bought didn’t taste the way it was labelled
and made her sick. The manager apologized and asked what candy she bought. That was
when the woman pulled out a box of apple and vanilla-scented wax cubes that are put in
candles. When the flame melts the wax, it gives off a pleasant aroma. All the cubes
had bites taken out of them, and the manager glanced at Melissa while trying not to laugh.
The manager tried to explain to the woman that they weren’t candy, but the woman didn’t
believe her. She got so mad that she began throwing things. They ended up calling the
police, and the woman continued to yell while Melissa and the manager wanted for the police
to arrive.
Huge thanks for the folks over on our Planet Dolan subreddit for submitting their stories.
We have another question for you: “What was the worst lie your boss ever told you?”
Let us know in the reddit page linked below and you might be featured in a future countdown.