- Should I clap again?
- [Camera Man] No.
- Hi I'm Saba Harouni Lurie.
I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist and
a board certified art therapist.
I'm the owner and founder of Take Root Therapy.
A group psychotherapy practice in Los Angeles, California.
Today I'm going to be reviewing some
couples in romantic comedies.
- We're just friends.
- No!
Don't pull that with me.
Don't even try to.
This is not how you treat your friend!
- What I saw in that segment was how difficult it can be
to be in a relationship with someone
when you're starting off
often times our attachment stuff will come up.
So, we may think we really want a relationship,
and when it really shows up it can be overwhelming.
- I like you Tom, I just don't want a relationship.
- [Tom] Well you're not the only one who gets a say in this!
- And often times too,
we are really clear about what we don't want.
And yet, we might engage in behaviors
or in a relationship that is outside of that realm.
So, I imagine most of us can really connect
with that feeling of,
"But you're showing me something different."
It was confusing to me to hear her say,
"I don't want a relationship."
And then have her show up at this guy's door.
So if I had to guess if this relationship was gonna last,
I would suspect it's not just because it seems
like they're both on different pages at the go.
If one person is saying, "I don't want a relationship.",
and one person is saying, "But, we're in one!"
It can be really difficult to move forward from that.
- I'm sorry.
- Imagine, your husband
bought a gold necklace and come Christmas
gave it to somebody else.
- [Saba] We all wanna think that when we're relationship
that if we agree to be in an monogamous
exclusive relationship, that's what it's going to be.
And we know from experience, from knowing friends and family
that a lot of infidelity does exist in relationships.
- Would you stay
knowing your life will always be a little bit worse?
Or would you cut and run?
- When one has been married for a long time,
I don't think that that's necessarily an easy answer
nor is it always the ideal or appropriate answer.
So you can see this woman really struggling with,
"What do I do now?",
and she's confronting him with that.
- I am so in the wrong.
A classic fool.
- Yes, but you've also made a fool out of me,
you've made the life I lead foolish too.
- I think there's a chance for them,
I think she was really candid
and really vulnerable.
And instead of defending himself, instead of
writing her off or pretending that she's wrong
He looks like he's also acknowledging the
pain that she's feeling and that he's put her
in this situation.
So, I think if they're willing to work through this,
they can.
- I remember seeing this movie and having
a really strong emotional reaction during this scene.
And I can feel it now.
This frustration. This anger with Nick's family.
And they're expectations of him and
their attempts to really derail his relationship.
- I hired a private investigator to look into her past.
Do you have any idea the scandal this would has caused
for Rachel to hide something like this?
- As someone who's a first generation American,
there's a lot of
impact of having a family from a different culture
and what they want for you and what they expect
and what you may want for yourself.
But that's not an easy choice to make,
and I think here you can see that he's actually
leaving his family.
Like, he physically has to run from them
and chase the woman he's in love with.
In terms of prognosis from their relationship,
he seems to choose her.
And in any relationship, that would need to come first.
- (silently laughing)
- [Emily] Seriously, Who are these women?
- Okay.
You know how we have arranged marriage in my culture?
These are those women.
- These are women in Pakistan who want to marry you?
- They're not in Pakistan.
- So I think this one is interesting right after
Crazy Rich Asians
because in both there's this cultural component.
There's a cultural expectation and it's being confronted
by this relationship that doesn't follow said rules.
- You're such a liar.
Is there someone that you're not lying to?
I'd love to meet them.
Because then I can tell them what a (bleep) you are!
- Aren't you a therapist?
Aren't you supposed to be good at handling this kind of
- Where are my (bleep) shoes!
- As a therapist too,
I really appreciate the part about like, "Oh yeah,
"we don't have our (bleep) together."
And we're not always going to be calm, cool, and collected.
And it doesn't make us any less effective as therapists.
So, I like that piece too.
- You know what we call arranged marriage in Pakistan Emily?
Marriage.
My cousin Rehan married an Irish woman and he
was kicked out of the family.
Nobody is allowed to talk to him!
- Having a family that you really care about and you don't
want to disappoint and
and knowing that you might by making your own choices
is a hard one.
- I can't lose my family.
- Prognosis?
A medium?
Is that an answer?
I think they would need to work through a lot
and to be asked to sacrifice your family in
the name of love is not an easy choice to make.
Maybe one is happy, but the other isn't or vice versa.
- Just so you know, nothing happened between
me and Gen last night.
- I'm tired of being a second best
or fake best.
- I don't know how often we really experience these things
where we have an agreement.
We pretend to something you know,
and then we fall in love, like
this is one of those times where I think Hollywood
maybe misses the mark a little bit about reality.
But, the idea that we have a hard time trusting our partners
I imagine it's pretty common.
- Okay. Look I
- Peter, just leave.
- Can we just go inside and talk about this?
- She asked you to leave buddy.
- This isn't about Gen and me at all.
No, this about you and Josh.
You're still in love with this Bon Iver wannabe?
- You're in love with Josh?
- Margot, no.
- What a tangled web.
Sometimes in a relationship when we get started
We're not always being a hundred percent honest
and then that may come back to haunt us later on.
- Peter, go home!
- God. You were never second best.
- I think what most of us- all of us want in a relationship
is to feel really secure and connected.
And like we can trust a partner.
Prognosis?
I think poor.
It might be hard to recover and be really authentic
really honest connected in a relationship.
- Guess I'll order a pizza.
- I'm sorry Harry.
I know it's New Years Eve.
I know you're feeling lonely,
but you just can't show up here
tell me you love me
and expect that to make everything all right.
It doesn't work this way!
- Well how does it work?
- I don't know, but not this way.
- Well how about this way?
I love that you get cold when it's seventy one degrees out.
I love that it takes you an hour and a half
to order a sandwich.
I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose
when you're looking at me like I'm nuts.
I love that after I spend a day with you
I can still smell your perfume on my clothes,
and I love that you are the last person I want to talk to
before I go to sleep at night.
And it's not because I'm lonely.
And it's not because it's New Years Eve.
I came here tonight because when you realize
you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody
you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.
- I think what we can take
what we can hope for is that in relationships
when we have friendship,
that that's really going to help us be connected.
Like I was saying earlier, to feel like we can trust
that we're secure
That somebody gets us how important it is to feel like
somebody understands you.
And to have a relationship that lasts
feeling understood is so important.
- I really hate you.
- And also that they can fight and they can recover.
We're going to have conflict with partners.
It's just a matter of life that if we can find a way to
come back, recover, and laugh, and kiss.
Um, yup. That would be nice.
Prognosis, I want to say,
You know, strong.
They have a good strong relationship ahead of them.
That's what I think.
- Anyways, it's about old friends.