Translator: Viviane P. Reviewer: Peter van de Ven
When I was in college, I volunteered at a women's shelter.
I answered crisis hotline calls,
helped women develop safety plans for leaving their abusive partners,
and watched women move on with their lives after months in the shelter.
That's how I began working with sexual-violence survivors.
It was hard but rewarding work.
I remember always having to ground myself
before getting out of the car to go and meet these women,
knowing it was one of the most difficult times in their lives.
Once, I received a call from a local hospital
in response to a woman who had been sexually assaulted by her boss.
The hospital room was cold, uncomfortable.
And I sat with her for hours as we talked about her two young sons.
All she wanted to do was get home and be with them.
I also sat with her through her invasive physical examination
but couldn't hold her hand like she wanted me to,
because the nurse had to collect potential evidence
from her hands and nails.
And why this case has always stuck with me
is because her boss repeatedly called and texted the entire time,
thanking her for their night out,
as if he were clueless to what just happened.
His callousness infuriated me.
His demeanor was so uncomfortable,
I couldn't understand how he or anyone could do something like this.
I thought to myself, "I will never defend a sex offender."
This year, discussions about sexual violence
have been rampant in the media.
At least one in four women and one in eight men in the United States
has been impacted by sexual violence.
Sexual and racial minorities are at increased risk.
When we think of a sex offender,
we typically think of a man overpowering a woman,
or a stranger attacking someone,
or a person who's harmed many young children.
And while there's truth in those images, it's not the entire picture.
When I was in grad school,
I began working with children who had been sexually abused,
and I began to notice a pattern.
Some of them went on to sexually offend against others.
These child survivors who had been violated
began violating others.
They were doing what they had been taught.
That's when my perspective on sex offending had changed.
I was shocked to learn that one-third of all sex offenses in the United States
are committed by adolescents under the age of 18.
One-third!
And I was also surprised to find out
that there's a wide range in the type of illegal behaviors
that a child can be convicted of.
Yes, some children use violence and force,
and many of those children have abuse histories themselves,
but there's another group of children who are labeled as sex offenders
where their behavior doesn't quite fit the punishment.
For instance, a teen that urinates in public
or streaks across the football field as a prank -
he is now a sex offender.
A young man sends a naked photo to his girlfriend -
she's now in possession of child pornography,
and she's now a sex offender.
Now, regardless of what you may think of those behaviors,
it's not what we typically think of when we think of a sex offender.
In our society, we have this notion
of "once a sex offender, always a sex offender,"
and that's why we created public sex-offender registries:
to track violent offenders and prevent repeat offenses.
People can be placed on that registry for 10 years or a lifetime,
depending on the situation and the state.
Some states require special license plates,
highway billboards,
or lawn signs to show that a person is a sex offender.
Currently, in the U.S., 38 states register children as sex offenders
and place them on these registries.
And there's a problem with this.
Less than 4% of adolescents who engage in illegal sexual behavior
go on to commit another offense.
Four percent.
But the label of "sex offender" is permanent.
In other words,
over 96% of these kids are going to face these lifetime consequences,
but never reoffend.
I once worked with this young boy;
he was 17 when his girlfriend's parents caught them having sex,
when they were eight months into their relationship.
Now, sex with his 14-year-old girlfriend was perfectly legal when he was 16,
but this most recent birthday meant that sex with her is now a felony.
And he's going to go on the registry for a lifetime,
next to people who've committed violent rapes
and people who've harmed many young children.
When he returns home from successful treatment,
his parents will have to move their family
because their house is too close to a daycare.
He'll have to move schools,
and his new principal and all the teachers will be informed that he's a sex offender.
He's a straight-A student, but when he attends college,
they're going to inform everyone on campus that he's a sex offender.
He's going to have a hard time finding a part-time job,
and his community will shame and ostracize him
without giving him the chance of showing that he won't reoffend.
Research has shown that placing children on sex offender registries
does not make the community any safer.
In fact, it places a burden on law enforcement,
it's very costly,
and it gives our youth no place to turn when they're complete with treatment.
And here's what's so frustrating.
For several years, I worked at a treatment center in Alabama
for juveniles who've engaged in illegal sexual behavior.
Step one in that treatment program was basic sex education.
Alabama, like 37 other states,
does not require medically accurate sex education in schools.
So, many of these young boys
were learning the basic sex information for the very first time ...
after they've offended.
You realize how ridiculous that is, right?
That we're teaching these kids about sex education and consent
only after they've committed offense and after they've been convicted.
By then, it's too late.
One youth that I worked with in that center,
he was caught with a naked picture of his girlfriend on his phone at school
and charged with possession of child pornography.
Out of fear, he pled guilty, but when he came to treatment,
he still didn't understand why this behavior was wrong.
So, we taught him the sex education, taught him about consent,
explained the laws about child pornography.
And he got it.
If this young man had this education in school,
he probably wouldn't have a criminal record today.
In my work with these adolescents, one thing has become clear.
If we had consent education in our schools,
we could probably resolve a lot of the problems related to sexual violence.
Nationwide, we've largely avoided having discussions about sexual consent
with our adolescents.
Sure, in elementary school we teach kids to keep their hands to themselves,
and in some high schools we tell teenagers that "no" means "no."
But to date, California is the only state
that requires affirmative-consent education in schools,
and for high schoolers.
Consent education means telling teens
that their partner is a willing participant,
that your partner must knowledgeably give verbal consent
and intercourse should be without force, threat,
or the involvement of drugs or alcohol.
But we can start this education in early childhood,
making sure that adults and children ask permission
before giving hugs, kisses, or borrowing things from others.
If your child doesn't want to hug each and every family member
when leaving Christmas dinner,
don't make them.
Psychological science tells us
that the adolescent brain is much different than the adult brain.
The prefrontal cortex,
which is responsible for planning,
decision-making, empathy, future-orientation,
is not fully developed until about age 25.
So we need to continue to have these discussions about boundaries
throughout adolescence.
We must help children navigate relationships
in a healthy and responsible manner.
As far as consent education in schools,
we need to work with our legislators
to change sex education laws in each and every state.
(Applause)
Again, California is the only state that requires consent education.
So we have a long way to go.
I've seen firsthand what sexual violence can do to people.
And by having a little bit of this consent education,
we can alleviate so many problems.
And not just for these juvenile offenders.
For the victim who was intoxicated and sexually assaulted,
she wouldn't have to blame herself and could find support in her community.
(Applause)
And the public would not shame her and would support her.
Even if she was drunk.
Providing consent and healthy-relationship education in schools
can help to prevent sexual violence.
Although we want to hold children accountable for their behaviors,
we shouldn't have to hold them to these lifelong consequences
due to a simple lack of education.
Thank you.
(Applause)