we've been on the air for over two years we've done this particular segment
eight nine times today we had a day-long meeting about what you're about to hear so
listen carefully and make notes and if something is out of line whatever you do don't sue us
every few weeks we like to reserve some time to explore what's on the mind of the television
watching public to answer questions about the kind of things they'd like to see on big time network
television we've got some folks here in the studio with questions who's first in who asked for it
i think we're covered i think we're all right all right yes sir you
obviously are first and who asked for may have your name sir uh matt meyerson matt meyerson
and uh what do you do for a living matt i uh work in new york here uh painting apartments
i'm sorry you're painting apartments yes oh okay and uh what would you like to see on big
time network tv well i'd like if i could to see a man roller skating on a girder
man you mean like a an iron worker on on a construction site roller skating on a girder yeah
um geez i don't we don't have anything like that let me uh let's check uh the other networks uh
turn this baby on all right and um oh this is uh okay this is abc let's see if they have anything
no oh that man's actually on stilts on the girder let me try another one
this is a cbs late movie with columbo let's see what no gee i'm i'm awfully sorry nobody
nobody no don't bill thanks anyway thank you very much um
sorry we couldn't get the man roller skating on the girder there yes we have our next participant
how do you do man what is your name please lynn carlson lynn and uh are you from new york city no
no no no north iowa north iowa bettendorf island oh bettendorf iowan what do you do
for a living now i'm a student uh-huh and uh what would you like to see on big-time network
television i would like to see the vienna boys choir well uh it's quite a musical night all you
had to do was ask ladies and gentlemen a nice warm welcome for the vienna boys choir kids
ah
thank you very much ma'am i hope i hope you enjoyed that is
uh you know those doors move so damn fast someone's gonna get hurt some night
uh yes sir welcome to the show what is your name please leon schmertz leon schmertz
and uh leon aside from thinking up funny last names what are you uh what do you do for a living
i'm a waiter you're a waiter all right sir what uh what would you like to see on big time network
television well my favorite television show was mash and since it's been off the air i've missed
it yeah i missed seeing it every week i wonder if it's possible if i could see a scene from mash
no i'm sorry this is uh see what you have to understand we're not miracles dave dave
cbs david letterman excuse me over here yes paul uh i may be able to help out here
as you know we kids in the band are constantly expanding our range as performers uh
yeah we've been working on our acting and uh we do a little mash thing uh-huh
uh i don't know whether you want to see it or anything well let me see it would
let me uh let me check with mr schmertz uh yeah would that be all right with you yeah that'd
be terrific okay all right it was all right with him it's certainly all right with me take it away
okay here we go we're in the operating room i will assume the role of hawkeye
pirate of course made famous by alan alda and hiram will be playing a stuffed shirt
three-star general he's getting hot under the collar because i'm being really irreverent
okay here we go this is a scene from mash captain pierce i find your manner positively insulting
oh yeah general well someone just insulted this kid's body that's it what's that said
very nice
thank you very nice thank you very nice on a little thing you know it's very nice very
nice uh oh all right our oh yes ma'am uh what would you like to see on big time television
well i've seen dudley moore do this trick where he pulls out a tablecloth and if you
would i'd like to see you try it well you know that's funny you should mention that because he
did that on this very show and i'll be happy to do what i can to recreate that moment could we
have the the table and the place settings and the table cloth out here well look apparently
the vienna boys choir has taken a powder i'll be darned all right thank you very much
thank you gentlemen thank you so much all right here is the uh uh pretty much the way uh dudley
did it and also did this in a motion picture uh tablecloth place setting thank you very much
it's all in the wrists
thank you thank you very much
is it going all right paul are things going alright tonight this is the swinging show
uh all right uh yes we have one more uh yes a lovely young lady in the audience what is
your name ma'am lori pisces lori laurie who pais paish all right uh lori what uh what do
you do for a living i'm a writer with magazine you're writer with a magazine would you care
to name that magazine at this time um i better not you better not okay i'd like to know i'd
like to know uh which is lower laurie just a minute excuse me what can we do for you laurie
i'd i'd like to know which is lower in cholesterol peanut oil or corn oil you know a lot of people
are going to snicker but this is a very good question because in in this day and age of
diet and health conscious america i think this is a darn good question and uh when we
heard this we decided to ask one of our staff members if he couldn't come up with a little
experiment experiment to to tell us which one was actually uh lower in in cholesterol chris
elliott ladies and gentlemen chris go ahead and conduct the experiment
ah
dave i can't tell any difference
thank you
thank you very much chris
well uh i think that seemed to work all right
nobody got hurt nobody got arrested we'll be right back with tom jones