Hey there, it's clay with modernlove.life and this is relationship inner game.
Today I'm going to be sharing with you my personal experience with no contact.
A lot of people may not realize this, but a long time ago I actually went through a
series of breakups with a woman that I was in a relationship with for seven years and
we were high school sweethearts and that kind of bled on out into my early, in sort of mid
twenties.
And during this time we broke up and got back together a couple of times and this is what
really kind of set me down the path towards learning about breakups and relationships
and how to have the best possible outcome in the dating and relationship world.
OK.
Specifically the second time that we broke up, I actually decided to do, um, no contact
the first time.
That's a whole weird story that we don't need to get into right now.
But the second time that we broke up, I remember I was actually afraid of doing no contact
to begin with.
I was actually, you know, I've been reading about it on forums and stuff like that and
I was afraid to do it because some weird irrational side of me was afraid that my ex would forget
about me or move on or something like that.
I know it seems kind of ridiculous.
The things that you would just forget about somebody who at that time we had been together
for five years, but, you know, that's what I was afraid of, but eventually she, she said
something to me and it just kind of like really frustrated me and irritated me and kind of
got me pissed off to the point where I just decided I was going to give it a shot.
I just decided I was going to give the no contact rule a try during this time.
It was really tough for me.
It was really hard for me to go through no contact but because of this sort of falling
out that we had right beforehand, I really wanted to detach myself emotionally from her.
Mostly because I realized that the person that I thought she was wasn't really the person
that she was in reality.
OK.
And I don't, maybe I shouldn't be telling you exactly what happened, but basically I'm
at the time I was 22 I believe, and she was, I don't know, like 19 or 20 or something like
that and in the United States where I live you need to be 21 in order to buy alcohol.
And so, she kind of knew, I guess in some level that she had me wrapped around her little
finger and so she called me up and asked me if I would buy some alcohol for her friends
for their New Year's party.
Basically she wasn't inviting me or anything like that.
And so basically she was just using me to get alcohol and that really pissed me off.
So I said, you know, goodbye.
And I just hung up the phone and uh, just went right into no contact at that point.
I was really frustrated and kind of disgusted with, uh, this realization that she was actually
in this moment either at best, someone who was just very easily manipulated by her friends
and had no personal boundaries herself and would do anything to be liked by other people,
which kind of turned out to be the truth or at worst actually a very sinister manipulative
person herself who just wanted to get what she could out of me.
And so I was really frustrated by this realization.
And so during my period of no contact, I a kind of detached myself emotionally from the
person that I thought that she was.
And I went back to finish my final year of university.
I'm really kind of building my own life around me, uh, in terms of building my own social
circle, a surrounding myself with new experiences.
I'm really focusing on my studies, really doing other things to, to really better myself.
And also kind of putting into action what were, at that time they didn't have anything
like real advanced relational skills or at least not to my knowledge.
So I was kind of learning and developing and putting these things together for myself and
so I think it was maybe after three weeks or four weeks or something like that, I was
kind of living an entirely different life.
I was a not so attached to her emotionally.
I was a more invested in my own life, more invested in my own experience that I was in
really getting her approval or anything like that.
So I like totally made this like shift in my way of being in my way that I was bringing
myself to the world.
And I remember I was in between classes at school and I just went to go check my email.
This is before smartphones, so you had to like go to like the computer lab to check
your email.
So I checked my email and I saw that she had reached out to me.
She said something to the effect of, "Hey, I just miss you so much, I'm tired of playing
this game, uh, when can we talk or something like that."
And I had to zip off to my next class.
So I just wrote her back really quickly, Hey, I'm about to go to my night class.
I'll, I'll call you when I get out.
Uh, I turn my cellphone off because, you know, you don't want to be that asshole in class
whose phone goes off while the teacher's talking.
So, when I got out of class I turned my phone back on and I saw that I'd missed, I think
it was like three or four different phone calls from her.
She was, I guess just really excited to hear from me.
And um, so I called her back and we talked for a while.
It was pretty good conversation.
And then shortly after that, uh, we got back together, um, and not got back together, but
we met up for coffee kind of just to see if we could, you know, have each other in our
lives in some capacity.
We weren't like ready to be a us were dating again or anything like that, but we were just
kind of testing the waters to see if we could be civil around each other, if it was going
to be all these like weird emotions.
And stuff like that, that was happening before the no contact.
And so we met at a coffee shop and talked and our connection was actually kind of surprisingly
good.
And I won't bore you with all the details, but over the next couple of weeks and months
we took it slow.
We took it slow, we rebuilt the connection, we sort of dated each other again and slowly
move things forward.
And eventually it got to the point where she actually asked me to be her boyfriend again.
And that's the story of how we got back together that second time and we stayed together for
another two years after that until we both kind of came to the realization that we want
a different things out of life.
We, we didn't really want the same things.
You know, I told you before we were high school sweethearts and that worked out really well
when we were in high school.
We're in our little small town that we grew up in and all of that stuff.
But as we were becoming more adults and getting out into the real world, it became more and
more evident that a sort of our values and what we wanted for ourselves really weren't
compatible with one another.
And so we eventually decided to part ways at that point for the final time.
But that is my experience with no contact.
That is how it has worked.
And that is sort of the seed, the root of, um, what does eventually become active, no
contact, which is what I currently teach people who want to get back together with their ex.
So, um, yeah, I hope my no contact experience has helped you.
I hope that, uh, it is maybe giving you some insights or help you find something that you've
been looking for.
If you do want some help getting back together with your ex and you're watching this over
on youtube, just head on down into the description below this video and you'll find a link that'll
take you to our website relationship inner game.
You can just fill out this short little questionnaire will take you like a minute.
Uh, they'll just kind of tell me where you are, uh, you know, are you trying to get back
together with your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend?
How long has it been?
Do you guys hate each other?
Do you still talk to each other?
You're not talking at all, you know, just some basic questions like that.
And then once I know that I can start sending you some advice and strategies that will help
you get back together with your ex.
On the other hand, if you're watching this video on our website, modern love our life,
just head on down below as well too.
And I will have hopefully put a link down there that you can click on that.
It'll take you to a page, they'll tell you a little bit more about some of our more advanced
and sophisticated strategies to help you get back together with your ex, that should again,
be down below.
Anyway, this has been clay with modern life on relationship inner game.
Once again, I hope this has helped you out.
If you want to learn more about what we're all about, just click on those links down
below and if you have any suggestions or want to see me make a video about a particular
topic, we have a comment down below and of course like, and subscribe to help stay in
touch with each other so that you can get notified when we upload new videos.
Anyway, this has been Clay, talk to you next time.