Hey guys, I am back at you with another addition of "Chase Ross reacts to his old videos".
Today I am actually going to be reacting to my first ever video on Youtube.
Now as I've mentioned in the past I have deleted some videos a long time ago when I was like
"I'm not trans".
So technically my first video and I can't put the sound on because it's not, you know
copyright infingement because there's music.
My first official video is here and I'm going to show you right now.
This is my official first video where I'm- Oh my god, I'm blonde.
There's kind of a lag too, it's not my internet or anything it's the video editing skills
on Windows Movie Player.
Ohhhhhhhh.
I was dancing for Ellen and also the name of this video is "Video of Me Dancing for
Ellen DeGeneres" but I wrote dancing "danign" and it's been like that since 2006.
Chase Ross, me when it me- Ohhh.
When you watch this, do you- can you believe that that's me?
(sighs) Also, I realised there's no sound so I'm kind of silent while you watch this.
It's just a lot of me dancing in different outfits and- man the tiddies, they used to
call me Sumo Tits, anyways this is not the video I'm here to show you.
The video I want to show you is called "Very Old".
I posted this, okay, on November 15, 2006.
(sighs) Also the caption is "I was a loser back then".
I don't understand why I wrote that, here "I was a loser back then"?
Did I write that because, I don't know, oh my god there's comments oh my god I don't
want to look.
Did I post this and then take it off or did I actually make this before and then post
it?
But I'm pretty sure- anyways, let's watch this together, it's three minutes aaaaand
let's react together.
I have not seen this at all.
I just watched it right now to see if it was a video that had anything trans related in
it and it does and I'm so excited because I thought all these videos were deleted~ Let's
do this.
"The Lost Footage: Chase Ross".
bby Chase: Okay, well I just wanted to make a video.
I'm kind of bored and just watching Seinfeld and I'm alone.
Umm.
Today was fine, school's good, I'm just having a little, um-
(Oh, just a little *tongue click* I'm twenty-five now, I was fifteen then.)
bby Chase: Like I'm thinking a lot like-
(Oh my god this was almost ten years ago!)
bby Chase: I found out a lot about ftm's and stuff and it's just a lot of work to get there-
(Ahhh!
I'm so cute, "it's a lot of work to get there," okay I'm laughing at my old self, I'm not
laughing at the struggle of being trans.
Hello, look at where I am now.
But I'm just like, oh my god I'm looking at myself and thinking...
what would- I don't know.)
bby Chase: Like, ooh am I a drag king?
And I don't know, I'm just-
(Okay, this is like an acid trip right now.
I'm looking at my old self on my screen just like you are right now, and then I'm looking
at myself on the little viewfinder whatever thing.
Oh my god my eyes look so blue right now.
Umm.)
bby Chase: trying to find myself and I mean I know I'm a guy-
(Why did I leave the tv on in the background?
bby Chase: even though I'm a girl, but it's like I'm
(Oh my god this hurts.
I remember this so much, I remember struggling with this so badly.
Oh my god.
Ohhhhh.
Like I literally had no idea if I was crazy or was I trans or was that real because there
were only a couple youtubers.)
bby Chase: fifty, fifty?
I don't know.
Anyways, I'm bored.
(Fifteen.)
bby Chase: Yesterday there was a career fare at school and I got all this information for
college and university and I got all these books.
(Hold on.
I'm fifteen, you graduated high school at seventeen in Quebec.
Oh, I guess I was in my second last year, I was in sec four.
I guess that makes sense, you kind of start thinking about where you want to apply next
year.)
bby Chase: Now I just got this, uh, I don't graduate until 2008.
But still I need to know, I really want to know now what I'm going to do.
(*Laughs* "I really want to know right now at fifteen what I want to do with my life."
Ohh.
Also I will tell you that, ughh, Chase was not the original name that I chose, the original
name that I chose was Vince.
So when I look at myself here, I don't see Chase, I see Vince, it's weird.
Also Facebook didn't exist for us back- "for us")
Vince: It's important for me, I want to be a lawyer but I don't know.
I'm really tired today.
I really can't-
(Ohh-ho ho *snarky laugh* The shirt.
The shirt is a Saw shirt that says, "How much blood will you shed to stay alive?")
Vince: *mutters and sighs* I don't know what to tell you about.
(I had snake bites?
I had snake bites.
I still have those.)
Vince: I've been on MySpace, I was on Youtube.
I was watching videos.
Mostly JWolf's videos.
I like his videos.
(Oh my god, that was his original username, I had forgotten that.
He was the first trans person I had ever seen- trans guy, oh my god.
He's no longer on Youtube.)
Vince: Um.
Hmm.
Just finished watching Ellen, of course-
(Of course)
Vince: It's 5:00 now, well it was, it's actually 6:00 now-
(*sighs* Okay, do you see me now?
Like I get it, fifteen year olds are awkward, but do you see that I'm just not comfortable?
I'm just, even by my self in my house this is how I was all the time.
And it's not because there's a camera on, this is just how I was all the time.
I literally just sat at my computer all the time and I just did nothing.
And I just watched Youtube videos and I just felt so uncomfortable with everything and
when I saw these few ftm videos and learned about ftm's I was like, "Ehh.
Is that me?
It looks like me, it sounds like it's supposed to be me, but is this right?
Is this a thing people do?")
Vince: *more muttering* I think I'll play guitar.
I'm just rambling on-
(PLZ GOD NO don't take out the guitar.)
Vince: I wanted to make another video and I don't know what to say-
(Definitely Chase Raw, definitely old school Chase Raw playing music.
Oh my god, I wrote a song-)
Vince: Next video...
Yeah.
That's right.
Post a video response if you have any suggestions for my next video because I really don't know
what to talk about anymore-
(How do you feel watching this?
I want to know what you think.
I know we all look at our old things sometimes and go "Ughh!"
But can you imagine what I'm going through right now?
Knowing that a thousand, two-thousand, three-thousand people are going to see this?
I don't care, these videos are still on Youtu- actually this is- oh my god no, this is private,
but how do you feel seeing me like that with my hair like that and the lightssss.)
Vince: So my shirt says, "How much blood will you shed to stay alive?"
I saw SawIII this weekend and I saw it two weekends ago, I just wanted to see it again
and uh, yeah.
Look at my desk, it's really messy.
(Oh let's see this.
Oh my god!
Okay hold on.
Okay.
Right there, Pepsi bottle, all those water bottles, oh gross parmesan cheese, I think
that's Advil, I just saw Antacid, like Pepto.
Oh a Rubix Cube.)
Vince: Old computer, old comuterrr.
Someone's talking to me.
(MSN!!)
Vince: Anyways this movie probably bored you more than it bored me.
("Movie")
Vince: Sorry for just rambling, but I had nothing else to do.
(But this is like the origins, the origins right?
This is where Chase Ross started.
I was a viewer for a while, for me it was a while, right now people are viewers for
five years and don't even decide to make any videos.
For me, viewing all these trans people for two- three months, it was like a lifetime
for me.
I needed to get everything out, so this right here, this is where it started.
I have other videos where I was crying and trying to decide if I was trans or not but
unfortunately those were deleted.
Okay let's not go
there.
Um, but this is literally Chase Raw, you know what I'm saying?)
Vince: So for my next video, please, just give me some suggestions.
I'll talk about anything, I'll talk about some chips, I'll talk about hot chocolate,
I'll talk about the Rubix Cube, which I can do.
I can do the Rubix Cube.
That's right.
Anyways, so peace out.
(A-town.
Okay so *sighs* I can still do the Rubix Cube.
I don't know how I feel about this.
It's very emotional to look at this but it's also very funny because it's me.
I have other videos on this channel, if I go through the videos like, "Depressed" this
is the second video, maybe I should keep this for a different video.
But I think- I remember there was a comment like- oh my god, the rainbow hat.)
Vince: Okay so, I just got back from work-
(Work?)
Vince: I'm really tired, I worked for like four hours but-
(Work?
Did I work?
No I didn't.)
Vince: My dad bought me a hat, a rainbow hat-
(My daddy.)
Vince: It's rainbow.
And so, yeah, I just feel really depressed today-
(Oh, baby, you don't know what depression is.)
Vince: Like what happened with my-
Yeah, let's not go there.
Anyways *nervous laugh* those are marked private for a reason.
Umm.
Tell me how you feel.
Tell me.
Because this was very interesting for me.
If you want me to react to other things like old pictures of myself or maybe if I could
find old videos of myself as a kid or something like that I would definitely love to do that,
this was very interesting for me.
On a personal level, to see these things and go through the emotion and share with you
guys, so let me know what you think and I will see you soon.
Okay, bye!