Today, we're talking about wing men, or how to be a good wing man or how to work with
a wing man.
What is a wing man?
A wing man is someone who helps you, when you are talking to women, it is your buddy
who is assisting in the process of being able to meet and attract the women that you are
interested in that you're talking to, that you're approaching.
That's what we're going to go over today.
And I'll be honest with you, it's not that long, there's not much to say here.
There's only a few things and I'm going to give you my opinions, my thoughts, and even
share some stories from when I was going out and I was being a wing man.
And when people were wing Manning me, this is in the very beginning, when I was first
learning when I was first learning, I did do a lot of wing man stuff, only to find out
a few lessons as I went through this process, which, again, I'm gonna be sharing with you
here today.
All right, first things first.
Do you need a wing man?
I think that's the very first question that needs to be answered.
Do you need a wing man?
I would say the answer.
If I had to give a yes or no black and white is no.
I know, that's a funny thing to start off with seeing that this episode is about how
to be a good wingman how to get a wingman and all that stuff.
But I want to give it straight to you.
At the end of the day, you don't need a wingman.
First of all, I coach and my team coaches, hundreds of guys.
And there is no requirement to get a wingman.
And guys end up doing amazing in the program without a wingman you yourself as you're going
through, let's say the courses or just this podcast, and you're going out, you're implementing
things.
You don't need a wing man to learn all this stuff, you can absolutely go out on your own
and you can be talking to women.
And you don't need someone there.
My next sub question to this is does it still help?
I think yes.
And no.
Sometimes it helps.
And actually, sometimes it hurts.
And I'll set the answer to why it hurts sometimes.
Which is to support what I'm saying here of why you most likely don't need a wing man
is because when you have a wing man, it can sometimes take you away from the prize.
I remember when I was first going out.
And I was in a group of guys who were in a forum together and there'll be meetups, and
it was all around meeting women and pick up, we'd all go out and I was a newbie.
This is over 12, 13, 14 years ago, around there.
And I was a newbie and I had really bad approach anxiety.
So you better believe that when I was going out, I wasn't approaching as much and I had
a crutch.
I could just hang out with these other guys.
And when we'd all go out, everyone was at different levels, some people were doing approaches,
some people were kind of hanging back.
And it made it a lot easier to not get it done.
And so I warn people out there when you have a wing man, it can hurt because it can prevent
you from talking to more women and doing more approaches.
And we don't want that because the name of the game at the end of the day is volume.
Of course, it's fun, it's fun to go out with your friends.
And it's fun to approach with friends, I get it.
That's a fun time.
And there, I think there's a time and a place for that.
I'm not saying never go out with your friends and do that.
But if you really want to get good at this, and you don't and you want to make sure nothing
holds you back, I would go out alone.
Now a lot of guys say, Well, isn't it better to go out with the wing man.
Because you end up approaching groups, because there's no women who go out who are alone.
They're always with their friends.
Don't you want a friend there to distract.
You don't actually need that.
I will admit though, it does help sometimes.
But you don't actually need that.
And you don't actually need that.
Because women who are single, most of the time, I will say they are supportive of their
friends being with a guy not all the time.
But a lot of the times at least from my experience what I've seen, if you're going over to let's
say a group of three or four women, and you're cool, by the way, so you would approach the
one woman you like, and you're not completely ignoring the friends and you're bringing them
the group of friends a little bit and talking to them.
But you're still focusing on the girl that you like, if you do this well enough, her
friends will like you and they'll actually be okay with you talking to her.
I actually just had this example literally less than a week ago when I was going out
if you listen to the last episode, I talked about how I went out and I recorded a bunch
of approaches.
And I had something happen which I remember happened to me as well when I was first learning
this and what happened was I went over to two women so this imagine that by the way,
two women.
Just keep that in mind, this is very important for this approach, there was only two women.
And I go over and I talked to them.
And as about five, six minutes into the conversation, as time went on, I was clearly and I made
it clear hitting on one of the girls.
And when it became absolutely clear that I was interested in one of them, I kid you not
30 seconds later, the friend just got up.
She just left, not because she was angry.
And she didn't get her friend to come with her.
She knew what was going on.
She was supportive of her friend being with me.
And that happens.
And I come back to this idea that it's crazy, there's only two women, because imagine that
one woman shouldn't have any other friends.
So here she is coming to a bar with her girlfriend, she has nowhere else to be, there's no other
one to talk to.
And yet, she's still left to give her friend that chance.
Now you're going to be going out, and you're going to have groups of women write three,
four or five women.
And in those cases, it makes it even easier, because you can talk to one of the girls,
make friends with everyone for a second and talk to the one you're interested in.
And then all the other girls are just hanging out with each other.
And they are doing their thing while they're letting their friend get head on and and talk
to you.
Okay, so with all that said, you don't necessarily need a wingman.
You don't?
You can go out and do this alone.
Is it harder at first?
Yes, it is.
Is it nice to have someone go with you, as you're learning this, of course it is.
I just warn you that sometimes your approach anxiety will force you to stay with your friend.
So if you're going to go out with the wing man, you got to make sure that you guys are
on the same level.
So even earlier, when I was first starting and going out with just one or two wing men
instead of a group of guys, I mean, we were just sitting in our approach anxiety together,
and we didn't do any approaches at all.
So if you're gonna go out, you got to be very selective with who you go out with.
If you have really bad approach anxiety, I wouldn't go out with a guy who has similar
approach anxiety, you gotta go out with someone who's going to push you and who's better than
you.
Otherwise go out alone, at least that will force you to talk to people and not sit there
and talk to your wing man.
So you need someone who's going to be a level above you.
And also on the same level of, of mindset.
And that is, we are going out to talk to women.
Because there's, well, there's about three different mindsets in terms of going out,
there's Pam going out with my buddies to just have a good time and drink.
Then there's this kind of in between mindset of, hey, I'm going out with my buddies, we're
going to drink, maybe we'll talk to some girls.
And then the third is we're going out to meet women.
So if you're in that third category of you're trying to get better at meeting women, you
better be going out with someone who's interested in doing that.
Because what's going to happen is if you go out and do this, yeah, I'm gonna have a good
time and like kind of drink and like hanging out my friends.
But I also want to talk to women.
A lot of that time, you don't get a lot of good learning lessons in and then you can't
really have a wing man because they're not even that interested or they're nervous, or
they're not learning trying to learn this stuff.
So you feel kind of weird going off on your own.
And in talking to girls, while your friends are all having a good time, it just doesn't
line up.
I'm trying to talk to you person listening, who is interested in getting better at meeting
women.
And if that's the case, again, either you go out alone, or you have a wing man who is
better than you, if you have that approach anxiety or at the very worst, you guys are
on the same level, we're going out we're trying to meet women or practicing stuff, we're listening
to this podcast or going through a course you're going through coaching, whatever it
may be, and you guys are going out to work on something specific.
And then you can really play good wingman game, then at that point, the next tips I'm
gonna give you really come into play really well.
And then you can be a really good wingman.
So here's a few tips for being a good wing man.
If you find yourself in that great position of having someone who wants to go out and
is on the same level as you.
When I say same level as you I mean the same mindset as you not the actual skill level.
We already talked about that.
Okay, rules for being a good wingman.
Just a few.
First off, no matter what, and I know this is gonna sound obvious, but you'd be surprised
what happens sometimes when you get into these conversations.
This has happened to me quite a bit.
Rule number one, you always make sure there's here's a little pickup term from back in the
day I'll give you it's called DHV your wing man or demonstrate higher value.
Basically, pick up the term for you need to bring your wingman up.
He's your buddy.
You support him all the way.
You do not teach your wing man.
You do not make him look bad.
It's interesting how that has to be discussed with throwing men before I've gone out with
guys Sometimes, and, and they'll take over the conversation and kind of tease you a little
bit and, and it's like joking, they're not making fun of you or trying to hurt you.
But you know, guys give each other shit, right, there's like, that's what we do sometimes,
it's not really cool to do that though in front of women, it doesn't make, it doesn't
make either of you look good, you look like a bad friend when you do that, because women
don't understand that.
They might take it a little bit more seriously, even if it's a joking around.
You want to bring and build your wing man up, you want to always make sure that anything
you're saying not every single thing out of your mouth.
But if it's appropriate, and it comes out, you're only saying good things about the friend
that you're with and how awesome he is.
I want to be clear here, I'm not saying that you have to do that.
I'm just saying that is something that should be done.
And it should not be the other option, which again, is some sort of tease or something
like that.
You're building them up, you guys are buddies, you support each other, that should be shown
when you guys are going over to approach.
That's rule number one.
Rule number two.
This is debatable.
I know some people break this rule.
But I think this is just smart for approaching, don't approach together.
I don't know I just don't think it's a great idea.
Don't approach together, have one person go over, open up the conversation, and then have
the other person come in.
I think it makes for a smoother approach.
I'd say the only exception to that is if it's a really big group of women, it's like I don't
know, we'll say five, six plus women, then it's okay, one person goes to one end, another
guy goes to the other end, it's not a big deal.
I just think it can be overwhelming and tough.
And then actually just makes it harder on you on starting the conversation.
And, and it just too much is happening at once.
If you have for example, you and your wingman going over and talking to two women, or three
women or something to that degree.
Again, this is debatable.
You can break, can you break this rule and still be fine?
Yes, I just think it makes makes it easier for you.
It's easier for the practice.
And so with this case, what happens is one person goes over it does the approach opens
up.
And then let's say I don't know, a minute or two later, the wing man comes in, the other
guy comes in and kind of taps his buddy on the shoulder.
And then the person who went and approached introduces the friend who just came in.
Okay, and another thing, this is not a rule or something you have to do.
But it was just something that me and my buddy did I think I talked about this on the podcast
before me and my buddy, we wanted to have some sort of sign of telling the other guy,
which girl we were interested in, right?
So if you go and over and approach a group of women, it's, I think, nice for you to get
the shot at the woman that you're interested in.
But how are you going to let your wing men know that you know what if your wing man starts
talking to the girl that you're actually interested in?
So one thing you can do is you can this is what we did at least is kind of lightly touch
the girl that you're interested in.
Or be very overt with introducing your wing man to the girl you're interested in.
So for example, you're like, oh, yeah, just met these girls.
This is Stephanie.
Right?
So it's like, okay, so he's obviously interested in her.
Or if there's some sort of touch of I touch her like on the shoulder really lightly or
on the elbow really lightly.
It makes it known, okay, this is the one I'm interested in, and then the wing man, the
guy who just came in your buddy can then start talking to the other women.
And what helps, of course, and I think one of the reason why wing men exist, is for this
sole reason is, it helps you, it helps, for lack of a better word, distract.
But I would say it makes it easier for you and your girl of interest to be in a conversation
while her friends are not pulling her away.
And then they get to talk to that guy.
And then from there, he ends up maybe picking one or maybe he's just a good wing man.
And he's just talking to them and and who knows what happens from there.
That would be the few rules that I would put in place.
In order to be a really good wing man.
I don't think there's really much after that.
I mean, you can come up with all sorts of stuff.
But if we're talking about the 8020, the 20% of actions that have 80% of the effects, it
would be these a for mentioned rules.
And so that's what I would put into practice.
If you're going out with your buddies if you decide to do the wing man route.
I would also say this, I'm making this up right now, as I'm saying to you, but it's
something that came to my mind.
I feel in order for you to get good at this.
What's really important is you earn the wing man.
And I think that it's really important for you to experience going out alone, and doing
some approaches on your own, because like I said, You need to be going up to a group
anyways on your own.
So there's no difference between whether you're with people or not, it's really good for you
to go out alone and just get through an uncomfortable social situation where I know it's tough,
it's like going out alone to approach women, most guys don't do that, you're gonna feel
weird, you're gonna feel like women are judging you or whatever, good.
This is going to make you mentally stronger.
This is going to be more helpful for you when you are trying to do social anxiety exercises.
I feel that you should go out at least once alone, before you start doing the wing man
game as a way to kind of earn that badge.
And then you can get a wing man, I wish I did that I'll be I'll admit it, I did not
do that.
I wish I did.
I started with wingman I went the opposite ways I started going out with guys, we went
out together.
And then it wasn't until years later, I realized man, it is so much better going out alone.
You just don't have to worry about your friends and what they're doing.
And you don't have to worry about anything and doesn't have to be so structured, and
you just have a lot more freedom.
And there's more learning lessons that come into play.
And you're set up to do harder approaches, which is going to make you do better.
I really recommend that you do go out alone.
And I'll say this too.
When you go out alone, I know that guys get really scared to do it.
Because they feel that women might be judging them because they went out alone, you're gonna
be shocked when you find out, even though I can tell you right now, but you'll find
out for yourself.
Women don't care.
They don't care.
They're not going to be concerned about who you came with.
If you came with people, you are more in your head.
You're more concerned and you're more conscious of it, they don't care.
All they care is they're talking to you.
So if you're making a good impression, and the conversation is going well.
She is just going to be talking to you and be excited to talk to you.
She's not going to assume you're some weird guy going to a bar because you're a social
cool, dude.
You're already proving to her in this in this kind of how do I say your sub communicating
to her that it's not a big deal.
You're not a weird dude, because you're just being a social fun guy.
And she's getting the sense of that.
Not that any of that matters, because we should not be going into any of this caring what
people think about us.
But I know that you're going to go into this situation, caring what people think about
you.
I just want to make you feel a little bit better and ease your way into the situation
that they don't care.
You can go out alone.
I've done it so many times my coaching clients, I've done it so many times.
I've never experienced nor have I heard anyone ever experiencing.
I don't know, some rejection, or some weird conversation where the girls are like, Why
did you come alone, you're a weirdo.
And that just doesn't happen.
A lot of those things that you think in your head that people are judging you for are usually
just not happening.
It just this in intense self consciousness that's going on because of your low self esteem
that is making you not feel confident.
Imagine this, the most confident guy in the world doesn't need to have any sort of external
validation.
So he's going to do whatever he wants.
And an example of that is going out to a bar and talking to women and socializing and having
a good time.
I want you to be able to do that too, without having any thought of what people are thinking
about you.
You do not need a wing man.
I know I'm really pushing that agenda here.
I did give you some rules if you want it but I just want you to have the freedom to know
that you can go out with or without your friends and you have all of those situations available
to you.