- SHOW OF HANDS.
HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE A DATE NIGHT TONIGHT PLANNED?
DATE NIGHT ANYBODY?
YEP. OKAY.
GOOD.
HOW MANY OF YOU ARE SINGLE?
[cheers and applause]
AND HOW MANY OF YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP?
[cheers and applause]
ALL RIGHT, WELL, I FEEL-- I DON'T KNOW ABOUT--
I FEEL LUCKY THAT I FOUND SOMEONE.
I THINK IT'S NICE TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP.
I'M VERY HAPPY THAT I HAVE SOMEONE.
DATING IS HARD.
I KNOW IT'S FUN, YOU KNOW, WHILE YOU'RE SINGLE, TO DATE,
BUT IT'S HARD.
IT'S NOT EASY TO MEET PEOPLE AND--
RIGHT NOW, THERE'S SO MANY
ONLINE DATING SITES JUST POPPING UP,
AND THEY'RE GETTING VERY, VERY SPECIFIC.
YOU KNOW, THIS WEEK IS CAT WEEK, OF COURSE,
EVERYONE'S TALKING ABOUT IT.
UM... [laughter]
AND EARLIER IN THE WEEK, I FOUND THIS--
IT'S A REAL SITE.
THIS IS A REAL SITE.
IT IS CALLED PURRSONALS.COM.
PURR-SONALS.
[laughter]
IT'S REAL.
THESE ARE REAL. I'M NOT MAKING IT UP.
THIS IS HOW SPECIFIC PEOPLE ARE GETTING.
THIS IS A SITE WHERE PEOPLE WHO LOVE CATS
CAN FIND OTHER PEOPLE WHO LOVE CATS.
AND I ACTUALLY THINK THAT'S A GREAT IDEA,
BECAUSE THE ONLY PERSON
WHO WANTS TO HEAR A STORY ABOUT A CAT
IS SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO TELL A STORY ABOUT A CAT.
SO THAT'S GOOD THAT THEY HAVE THAT.
AND THEN THERE'S THIS SITE.
THIS IS ONLINE DATING FOR THE DOWN-TO-EARTH SINGLE
IS WHAT THEY SAY.
AGAIN, REAL SITE.
THIS IS FARMERSONLY.COM.
[laughter]
IN CASE THE NAME IS CONFUSING,
THIS IS A SITE FOR FARMERS ONLY.
NOW, YOU CAN CHOOSE DIFFERENT KINDS OF RELATIONSHIPS.
YOU CAN HAVE A LONG-TERM, YOU CAN HAVE SHORT-TERM,
OR SOMEONE WHO JUST WANTS TO PLOW YOUR FIELD.
[laughter]
[cheers and applause]
I'VE GOT ANOTHER ONE.
IT'S FOR PEOPLE WHO WANT TO SOW THEIR WILD OATS
AND BE IN A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP.
[cheers and applause]
SOW THEIR WILD OATS.
[cheers and applause]
FARMERS.COM.
ONE MORE. IT'S--
THE ONLY PROBLEM WITH THE SITE IS,
THE PHOTOS OF THE FARMERS ARE A LITTLE GRAINY.
[laughter]
[cheers and applause]
IT'S HARD TO FIND A SITE THAT YOU CAN GET
THAT MANY JOKES OUT OF, SO THAT'S GOOD.
REALLY, A DATING SITE--THERE'S A DATING SITE FOR EVERYONE.
THIS IS--AGAIN, THIS IS REAL.
THIS IS CALLED TREKPASSIONS.COM.
AND IT IS FOR SINGLES WHO LOVE SCI-FI.
AND IT SAYS, IF YOU READ HERE ALONG WITH ME,
IT SAYS, "THIS IS A COMMUNITY FOR PEOPLE INCLUDING
"BUT NOT LIMITED TO
LOVERS OF 'STAR TREK' AND 'STAR WARS.'"
I'M GUESSING IT'S PROBABLY GONNA BE LIMITED TO THOSE PEOPLE.
[laughter]
I AM.
[cheers and applause]
NOW, IF YOU TRAVEL A LOT FOR WORK
AND WANT SOMEONE WHO'S ON THE ROAD AS MUCH AS YOU ARE,
YOU MIGHT WANT TO TRY THIS SITE.
THIS IS 18WHEELSINGLES.COM.
WHERE SINGLE TRUCKERS MEET SIGNIFICANT OTHERS.
THAT USED TO BE CALLED A TRUCK STOP.
[laughter]
[cheers and applause]
AND IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A NICE GIRL
BUT DON'T WANT A FARMER OR A TRUCKER,
YOU MIGHT WANT TO CHECK OUT THIS SITE.
THIS IS WOMENBEHINDBARS.COM.
[audience groans, laughs]
YEAH.
AND THEIR MOTTO IS, "FIRST, SHE'LL STEAL YOUR HEART.
THEN SHE'LL STEAL YOUR IDENTITY AND DRAIN YOUR BANK ACCOUNT."
[laughter]
[cheers and applause]
IT'S WHERE YOU CAN FIND SOMEONE YOU WANT TO BE WITH
FOR, LIKE, SEVEN TO TEN YEARS.
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
SO IF YOU'RE SINGLE AND YOU HAVEN'T DONE IT YET,
TRY LOOKING ONLINE,
BUT DO IT RIGHT AFTER THIS,
'CAUSE RIGHT NOW, YOU WANT TO WATCH ME DANCE.