Parenting is super fun when it's effective, when everybody's happily doing
everything that you told them that they needed to do. We've all been there, we've
all had the perfect day. Or maybe it was just the perfect moment to the perfect
day when you say, "We've got to be in the car by this time. Okay, everyone, this is
what's going to happen. You get that, you get that. You pack the car, you do the chores.
And everybody just does it perfectly and they're there." And everybody's happy in
the car and ♫ oh ~ It's perfect, right? Sadly, that doesn't happen every time, does it?
No. Especially when it comes to chore time. Honestly, probably the number `
time that people lose their temper at their children is when it's time to get
in the car. Number 2 is when it's your time. Because we just want to get that
out of the way, don't we? We don't want it to bother us the whole day long. Well,
this video is all about how to get your children to do their chores when they're
supposed to do their chores. We shouldn't have to wait for hours or days. In fact,
if we allow them to keep us waiting, we're not doing them any service.
When children stop listening to their parents or stop doing what their parents
tell them to do, then parents develop a nasty habit of nagging. Nagging takes the
joy out of everyday life and it starts parents down the judging and selfish
path. And believe it or not, the more you nag, the more disobedient your children
become as well. So, how do we not nag? Our children aren't doing their chores, what
other choice do we have? Some parents wonder. Especially because many parents
nag because they don't want to do the corrections. If you start correcting the
children then the children earn more negative consequences, then that's more
things that the parents feel like they're gonna have to nag about. And they
really want the nagging to be over. People don't like the negative
conversation that they're having. So, how do you get them to do those chores
without nagging? Well, here are 4 secrets that can help you do just that.
First, you have to have low tolerances. If you keep your tolerances low, your
children actually perform better and have more confidence in all of their
behavior. So, what does it really mean to keep your tolerances low, that means that
if the child doesn't do it or gets distracted on their way, you don't just
put up with it. No, you address it. You go to the child and you explain that
they're not following an instruction. And then you would correct that. They would
even get the opportunity to earn a negative consequence which in our family
is an extra chore. Now, I know you're thinking "No. No more chores. Because if I
give them another chore, then I'm going to be nagging all day long." No, because
you're not nagging anymore. You have got to decide that you're not going to nag.
You can't. And the opposite of nagging is being consistent. So, that means low
tolerances. You're not going to put up with the eye rolling anymore, the talking back
anymore. You don't need to be super authoritarian and angry. You
just need to decide, "Nope, it stops now. This isn't good communication for our
family and it's even bad for our relationships." So, how do you do that? How
do you keep your tolerances low and not turn into a monster? Well that brings us
to secret number 2 which is to pre-teach. Pre-teach means that you
prepare them ahead of time for what's coming.
So, in our family, we pre-teach our children with all kinds of skills that
they need to be successful and to get their way and to get understood and to
communicate with us. One of those key skills we're going to talk about in our
next secret. But part of pre teaching also is doing everything with them
before you ever require them to do it themselves.
And I know you think, "No, they have seen me take out that trash so many times.
There's no way that I need to train them on the chore of taking out the trash." You
do. You have to. Especially if you want them to do it like you would do it. So,
just make sure that you don't ever worry about having to train or retrain a child
to do a chore the correct way. So, if you were going to train a child to
take out the trash, you would go to one trash can in the house and you would say,
"This is what we're going to do: We're going ot take the liner out of the trash
can. We're going to tie it just so and then we're going to walk over to the the bin in
in the garage or out in the yard wherever it is. The big garbage and we're
going to put it in there. And then we're going to get a new liner. And we're going
to put it into this garbage can here. And this is how we're going to secure it. And
then we're going to put the can back in this position." That's what you would do.
Then you would say, "Okay. So, they just watched you do it." You were with them.
Then you would say, "Okay. Now, we're going to go to the next one and I'm going to stay
right here with you while you do it. And if you have any questions, let me know."
Now, some of your older children, you might think would be going, "Oh, give me a
break. I know how to this." It doesn't matter. Sometimes, if
you've never trained something, go back to the training phase and start again. So,
then you would watch them go through the process. Praise them for all the things
that they were doing and then declare at the end "I think you're ready to do this
chore on your own." If you have not done the pre-teaching, they will have
increased anxiety in their minds. They won't know how to please you with the
chore. And when you start nagging, it just gets worse. When you nag them, they go to
an emotional place in the brain. Then they can't even think about what the
chore was that they were supposed to be doing. So, when you walk by, you see a
child standing in a room looking overwhelmed, it's probably because they
are. They have shut down. They need someone to now pre teach them and help
them to know what comes next. Secret number 4 is following
instructions. Children have to know the 5 steps for following an instruction.
This book London LaRae Says Okay teaches children those 5 steps for
how to follow an instruction. All of the skills I teach are also in my online
courses and you can learn them there. But this just makes it a fun way to teach
the children and to reinforce that behavior that is going to be so
liberating for them. So, how do you follow an instruction? You look at the person,
keep a calm face, voice and body. Say, "Okay" or ask to disagree appropriately. Do the
task immediately and then check back. If a person can do all five of those things,
then it's a pretty good indicator that their heart is in the right place and
that they're going to be successful in that task whatever it is. People that can
follow instructions that learn that skill and can follow all the way through
to the check back at the end feel a great sense of accomplishment. It
actually builds confidence to know how to follow instructions and do chores. We
probably shouldn't be thinking of these chores as we've just got to get through
them to move on to something else. We should probably be thinking of chores
is a great opportunity to build confidence, to bond as a family and to
get that feeling of satisfaction that comes with a job well done. There's a lot
of people who won't take risks in our society today. And I'm quite sure, it's
because they haven't been given enough opportunity to do chores. When you do
chores, you fail. When you follow instructions, you fail. It happens. But
that's okay. Because we just pick ourselves up and move on.
That brings us to secret number 4 which is the correction. Correcting your
children is one of the most merciful things that you can do for them. I know
that sounds weird. Maybe you've never thought of it like that before but it's
true. When our children are allowed to continually do the same bad behavior
again and again and again without any correction, we are actually allowing them
to create problems for their future life. Maybe social hangups.
Maybe thought processes that are going to get them trapped from time to time. No, we
have to correct them. Correcting is not nagging. Those 2 things are very
different from each other. So, if you want to stop nagging your children, get really
good at correcting. So, first, we pre-teach them. We give them the skill of how to
follow instructions and then we correct. Correct, correct. And we can't be afraid
of correcting. Correcting is part of our parental role. It's who we are in their
lives. We are their teacher. We are the one that says, "No, we're going this way." We
point the direction for them where they need to go. Correcting children is vital
and it needs to happen every time a parent notices that a child is not doing
one of the steps to following an instruction. When you are correcting your
children, it should be done with calmness and with understanding. But also with a
sense of authority and direction so that they end up developing more trust
in you as they're learning from you instead of trying to manipulate you.
There's another video that I think you're really going to like. The video is
called How To Talk To Your Child About Bad Behavior?
I really recommend going to that video. It's going to give you more information
on correcting. And the better you become at correcting, the less nagging that you
will feel like you need to do. Nagging doesn't help your relationships.
It draws you further apart instead of closer together which correction can do
when done properly.