>>
>> WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY. IT'S OBVIOUSLY NO SECRET THAT
WE'VE ALL BEEN TESTED IN THE
LAST YEAR.
LAST YEAR. FOR THOSE OF US WHO ARE
PARENTS, WELL, THE TENSION HAS
BEEN REALLY HIGH, ESPECIALLY
WITH OUR CHILDREN WHO ARE
TRYING TO COPE AS WELL.
TO HELP US UNDERSTAND THE
STRAINS AND OF COURSE, HOW TO
WORK THROUGH THEM ALL, I
RECENTLY SAT DOWN WITH THREE
TIME SPEAKER AND PARENTING
COACH KATHERINE SELLERY.
TAKE A LOOK.
KATHERINE, THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR BEING WITH US.
I'M ALL EARS.
I'VE BEEN DOING MY HOMEWORK ON
YOU AND I WANT TO SOAK UP YOUR
GREAT INSIGHTS.
GREAT INSIGHTS. WHAT I LOVE IS THAT YOU'RE NOT
JUST A PARENTING COACH, YOU ARE
A MOM AS WELL.
WE'VE HAD TO DEAL WITH SO MANY
THINGS IN THE LAST YEAR.
HOW HAVE YOU AND YOUR FAMILY
MADE IT THROUGH?
>> YOU KNOW, MY KIDS ARE OLDER,
SO FOR OLDER KIDS JUST STARTING
OUT, MY DAUGHTER JUST GRADUATED
FROM UNIVERSITY FROM A SOFA AT
HOME IN THE SPRING.
CHRISTINE: OH.
CHRISTINE: OH. >> THERE'S A HUGE
DISAPPOINTMENT BECAUSE WE
PLANNED A BIG PARTY AND ALL OF
THAT KIND OF STUFF.
YOU DON'T GET THAT.
IT'S ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH, IT'S
ABOUT ISOLATION, AND SUPPORTING
OUR OLDER KIDS.
CHRISTINE: THIS HAS HAD AN
IMPACT ON ALL OF US.
AND YOU CAN'T FORGET OF COURSE
OUR OLDER STUDENTS.
WE HAVE SO MUCH ON OUR PLATE
THAT WE'VE HAD AND YOU'RE
SAYING THAT BEING AT HOME,
THERE'S SOME THINGS THAT HAVE
MADE THIS SITUATION WORSE.
YOU SAY BEWARE OF THE THREE
R'S.
R'S.
R'S. WHAT
R'S. WHAT ARE THOSE?
>> SO THE THREE R'S, ARE
RETAILATION, REBELLION AND
RESISTANCE.
RESISTANCE. WHEN PEOPLE COMPLAIN ABOUT A
BEHAVIOR AT HOME THAT'S
DISRUPTING EVERYBODY, WHEN KIDS
ARE DROWNING, THEY DON'T DO IT
POLITELY.
POLITELY.
POLITELY. CHRISTINE: NO, THEY DON'T.
>> IT'S CALLED THE TRAGIC
EXPRESSION OF THE UNMET NEED.
SO WHEN WE'VE LOOKED AT
EXPRESSIONS AND BEHAVIORS AS AN
EXPRESSION OF AN UNMET NEED THE
QUESTION ARE WHAT ARE THE NEEDS
NOT BEING MET?
AND DOES THIS CHILD HAVE THE
ABILITY TO REGULATE THEIR
EMOTIONS?
EMOTIONS?
EMOTIONS? AND CAN THEY CALM DOWN ENOUGH
TO BE IN THEIR FRONTAL LOBES TO
BE ABLE TO THINK ABOUT A
STRATEGY TO RECOVER?
USUALLY NOT.
USUALLY NOT. CHRISTINE: RIGHT.
CHRISTINE: RIGHT. >> AND SO THEN WE END UP BEING
IN A REACTION TO THE EXPRESSION
OF THE UNMET NEEDS.
AND THEN WE HAVE A SECONDARY
PROBLEM BECAUSE THE INITIAL
PROBLEM IS THEY'RE STRUGGLING
TO MEET THEIR NEEDS AND THEY
DON'T KNOW HOW TO AND THEY'RE
EXPRESSING AND NOW WE'RE IN
REACTION TO THE WAY THEY
EXPRESS, AND AS A RESULT, WE'RE
NOW HAVING A WHOLE OTHER THING,
WHICH ISN'T RELATED TO THE
FIRST THING AND THIS WHOLE
OTHER THING CAN JUST BE A HUGE
BREAKDOWN.
BREAKDOWN. CHRISTINE: KATHERINE, HAVE YOU
BEEN IN MY HOUSE?
[LAUGHTER]
[LAUGHTER] >> SO THEN WHAT ARE THE THREE
R'S?
R'S?
R'S? THE
R'S? THE THREE R'S HAPPEN AS A
RESULT OF HOW I DEALT WITH THAT
INITIAL ISSUE.
INITIAL ISSUE. WHAT'S THE ISSUE, LET'S SAY THE
ISSUE WAS, GOSH, YOU KNOW, I
ASKED YOU TO CLEAN UP YOUR ROOM
OR I ASKED YOU TO PICK UP YOUR
DISHES, OR I ASKED YOU TO STAY
IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER AND
FINISH CLASS.
FINISH CLASS. WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY, YOU
KNOW, OFFICE NOW BECAUSE YOU'RE
NOT DONE WITH MATH CLASS.
SO, THESE ARE THE THINGS THAT
WE THEN GET MAD ABOUT AND IT'S
A NORMAL NATURAL PARENTING
RESPONSE.
RESPONSE.
RESPONSE. WE WOULD LIKE OUR KIDS TO BE
RESPONSIBLE, LIKE THEM TO BE
COOPERATIVE AND LIKE TO SUPPORT
US IN THE HOUSE AND WHEN WE
DEAL WITH THAT DISRUPTION BY
USING WHAT I CALL A POWER OVER
APPROACH AS OPPOSED AS TO POWER
WITH APPROACH, IT'S ABOUT HOW
WE SOLVE OUR PROBLEMS.
HOW MANY OF US USE OUR POWER
OVER, BECAUSE I'M THE MOTHER,
BECAUSE I'M THE FATHER, BECAUSE
I'M THE ADULT?
I THINK THAT EVERYBODY DOES
THAT.
THAT.
THAT. SO,
THAT. SO, WE'VE GOT TO LEARN A
COLLABORATIVE PROBLEM SOLVING
APPROACH WHICH IS SITTING DOWN
WITH YOUR CHILD HOPEFULLY IN
ADVANCE, HOW DO I KNOW WHAT MY
PROBLEM IS GOING TO BE.
>> RIGHT.
>> RIGHT.
>> RIGHT. >> BUT I BET YOU HAVE THE SAME
PROBLEMS EVERY DAY AND TO A
CERTAIN EXTENT, YOU DO KNOW
WHAT YOUR PROBLEMS ARE GOING TO
BE.
BE.
BE. SO,
BE. SO, GETTING TO THE FRONT END OF
YOUR PARENTING IS REALLY
ESSENTIALLY MAKING A LIST OF
ALL OF THOSE REPETITIVE
PROBLEMS THAT HAPPEN EVERY
SINGLE DAY, DAY AFTER DAY, LIKE
EVERYBODY'S BANDWIDTH SEEMS TO
DO THIS AT 4 P.M.
CHRISTINE: NO KIDDING.
>> WHAT CAN WE DO TO HAVE MORE
BRAND WIDTH TO TOLERATE THE
BEHAVIORS THAT TOLERATE US
BETTER.
BETTER.
BETTER. DANCE PARTY AT 4:00 EVERY DAY
WHETHER WE NEED IT OR NOT AND
THEN JUST PLAN IT IN.
>> OK, NOW, I WANT TO LASTLY
DISCUSS FOR ALL OF US THAT ARE
SENDING OUR KIDS BACK IN SOME
WAY, SHAPE OR FORM, HYBRID,
MAYBE LIKE MINE IS GOING FOUR
DAYS, BUT BACK HOME ONE DAY,
AND ANOTHER ONE IS STILL AT
SCHOOL FULL-TIME.
SCHOOL FULL-TIME. GIVE US QUICK STRATEGIES HOW WE
CAN STILL NAVIGATE THIS NEW
NORMAL.
NORMAL.
NORMAL. >> YEAH, SO, YOU KNOW, I THINK
IT GREAT FOR SOMEBODY TO PUT UP
SOMETHING IN THE KITCHEN
SOMETHING ALONG THE LINES,
MAKING MISTAKES IS OK HERE.
IF WE'RE NOT MAKING MISTAKES,
KID AREN'T LEARNING.
IT'S OK THAT THEY'RE STRUGGLING
BECAUSE OF COURSE YOU'RE GOING
TO STRUGGLE.
TO STRUGGLE. THIS HAS BEEN THE HARDEST YEAR
OF EVERYBODY'S LIFE.
OPEN UP THE CONVERSATION THE I
THINK THAT IS SO IMPORTANT.
EVERY DAY WE CLEAR THE AIR,
EVERY DAY WE SIT WITH OUR KIDS
AND WE FIGURE OUT, OK, WHAT'S
WEIGHING ON YOU?
BECAUSE YOU IF DON'T MAKE IT
EXPLICIT, IT SHOWS UP IN
BEHAVIORS.
BEHAVIORS. >> THAT'S AWESOME, KATHERINE,
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU. WHERE CAN WE GO TO LEARN MORE
AND ABSORB ALL OF YOUR GOOD,
POSITIVE ENERGY HOW TO BE
BETTER PARENTS AND NAVIGATE
THROUGH THIS DIFFICULT TIME?
>> YEAH, YOU CAN GO TO MY
INSTAGRAM, KATHERINE WINTER
SELLERY, AND EVERY DAY I'M
POSTING SOMETHING AND GIVING
HINTS AND THINGS LIKE THAT.
CHRISTINE: HINTS, I NEED MORE
THAN HINTS,