Sometimes you need a song for when you run out of toilet paper.
Let's talk about that.
♪ (theme music) ♪
- Good Mythical Morning. - Mythical Beasts, it is Thursday. And on
Thursdays, you guys get hangry, so we've got to do a little grocery shopping today.
We push the question cart through the aisles, browsing through the nearly
limitless amount of stuff that we could buy to fill your question bellies.
But you are growing Mythical Beasts, and we gotta feed you guys right.
So, we head to the produce section to grab some answer apples and some answer oranges
when -- all of a sudden -- we're attacked by an anthropomorphic answer-watermelon!
It lunges! We dodge! It attacks, shooting seeds from its watermelon mouth!
But we Matrix-move past them in slow motion!
Finally, when the watermelon monster is distracted -- thank you for distracting
him -- we jump on it and crush it into delicious melon-y goodness. We then
collect the mouth-watering answer mush, shove it in our question cart, and deliver
it to you.
So chow down, Beasts. Chow down.
- It's messier than I thought it would be. - But we're willing to do that for them.
Okay! First question -- we asked you to ask us questions about shopping.
- Me? - Well, we asked them.
- You asked me?
- We -- you asked -- we asked them -- you. - We -- asked -- thus -- asked they.
And the first question comes from Micah GROSS who asks, "How do I pick the fastest
- checkout line?" - Oh...
- Great question! - You know, for years, I would be
approaching a checkout line, and I'd be like: "I need to know how to do this!"
- A system. You need a system. - I need to have a system, so...
- We got your system. - ...we finally figured that out.
First thing you've gotta do, is you gotta look for the smartest cashier. Choose a
cashier with glasses. 'Cause they're really good at scanning.
You think the glasses make you smarter, huh?
- Yes, and they make you good at scanning. - Okay. Alright.
The second thing you wanna do is look at the cashier and see: is the cashier
- smiling? Is the cashier friendly? - Yeah.
- Don't go to that cashier... - Mm-mm. No.
...Because that cashier's gonna wanna do the small-talky thing...
- Oh no. - ...and slow down the line.
- Don't want that. - No, you want to go to the most
intimidating, meanest-looking cashier that you can.
- Surly! - Surly! Like a pirate.
- Yeah. - Like -- cashier wants to --
But not an eye-patch though, 'cause you want depth perception.
- Right. - You want them to have plenty of depth
- perception. - But if they look like they could choke-
- slam you, yes. Line up for that. Just like a wrestler!
Okay, but that's just the cashier, 'cause you also have to worry about the people
in line. Now, a lot of people are just like, "Well, of course, you just don't get
behind somebody who's got a lot of stuff in the cart. (chuckling) Oh, it is not
- that simple. - Pfffft.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no... - Pfffft.
It is about what's in the cart, but you know what? You don't even have to look
- into the cart. - Tell 'em Rhett!
- Okay. - Tell 'em!
The thing that slows down the line is the produce!
- Plastic bag. - People get zucchinis confused with
cucumbers: "Uh, what is this? Number (gibberish noises)." They gotta weigh it,
sometimes they gotta count things... That is such a time waster!
- I saw a wheel at a place... - Oh, yeah. The wheel! They break out the
- produce -- "What number zucchini?..." - ...they were looking over the wheel...
- "...Pickle? I don't know." - Nah, uh-uh.
Listen, the thing is, is you want people with processed, prepackaged food, 'cause
- that stuff just -- boop-boo-boo-boo-boo! - Bar scan: bloop! bloop! bloop! bloop!
Moves right through there! So what you can look for is the unhealthiest people.
People who just look like they've just let themselves go: Get behind those people!
They're getting processed food, and that line will move so fast you won't know
- what hit you. - Mmm... CHOKE-SLAM! Next question.
- Selena, a.k.a. "Linkypoostalker"... - Okay.
...asks, "How can I shop when I don't have any money?"
Okay, well if you don't have any money, you can sometimes surprise yourself with
how much stuff you just have in your own home! Things that you forget that you
actually own! It's like shopping in your own house!
You know -- that makes me think -- my neighbor just started a YouTube channel...
- Yeah, the YouTube channel! - ...and I think he would be perfect...
- Oh, yeah. - ...to give a complete answer to this
question, just judging by his front yard...
- Mm-hm. - ...I think he's gonna have some insight.
♪ (jingle) ♪
Hi, Bevin here. As you can see, I've been shopping!
The garbage wall separating the third bedroom from the rest of the house fell
yesterday, opening up an entirely new world of shopping to me; rediscovering
items that I can experience again for the first time!
First thing I uncovered was this canned whole chicken.
The expiration date is... "1999." Which is fine, because like fine wine,
canned whole chickens improve with age!
And then of course, what do I -- what do I wash down my whole canned chickens with,
but a bulk-purchase beverage! Under the bed, I have a stockpile of half-drunken
Gatorades, and each one has been sampled for quality assurance.
Speaking of which, I'll sample one right now, 'cause I'm kinda thirsty. Maybe this
dark one.
(sniff) I think that's urine.
Ah!
Oh, well look there, it's my half-brother Donny. Say "hello," Donny.
I didn't know you were under there, I thought you moved out in '09...
Next, I made my way into the guest bathroom, and found this amazing pair of
boots! They were a real steal. Well -- technically, it's only one boot, but
technically it also was an actual steal. I stole them from my neighbor when I was
living in his attic without his knowledge or consent.
And just when I thought I was all shopped out, I dug up the carcass of my favorite
cat, Snowball. I just had to dig through 85 other live cats to get to it.
(meowing) - What'd you find, Donny?
(tearing sound) - Oh!
(aggressive meowing) - They're hungry, be careful!
The cat's goin' to the bathroom. Right in the back of my portrait!
Oh how awful.
(burp sound)
You know, he mentioned that he was living in his neighbor's attic... You think
- that's your attic? - No, 'cause that was me playing a
- character. - (gasp)
Chase Hinton asks, "What do you do if you can't reach something on the shelf?"
- I don't understand the question. - What do you -- like, if something's at
the top shelf, you can't reach it. What do you do?
There are shelves that have things on them that you can't reach? This is a thing?
- This happens? - Yeah. I mean, just think about it, like
- a really high shelf. - I'm thinkin' about it; I cannot picture
it. That has literally never happened to me. (whispers) 'Cause I'm so tall!
- Let's do a "Song For When!" - Let's do it!
- Gary Rardon, "gfunk0831..." - Oh, 0831, that's the best "gfunk."
...said that he needs a #songforwhen you run out of toilet paper!
That can be arranged!
- This is a "Song for When"... - ...you run out of toilet paper.
♪ I've been on this "john" for way too long, playing Candy Crush. ♪
♪ Before my legs fall completely asleep, I better finish up and flush. ♪
♪ So without even looking, I reach over to grab a few TP squares. ♪
♪ But to my utter horror, there ain't no more squares there. ♪
♪ I wonder if it would hurt if I used the cardboard paper roll? ♪
♪ I'm pretty sure it'd do the job, but would it make it down the bowl? ♪
♪ And maybe the toilet brush could work, but those bristles look a little scary. ♪
♪ And what about that embroidered towel I got when I got married? ♪
She would never forgive me.
♪ So I'm gon' let it dry... Just let it be... ♪
♪ I'm gonna let it dry like I'm a dog on a leash. ♪
♪ I'm gonna let it dry; air it out in the breeze. ♪
♪ I'm gonna let it dry like I'm a chimpanzee. ♪
♪ I see a curling iron and some matches, but I can't find cotton balls. ♪
♪ There's nail clippers and a plunger and a poster of Lionel Richie on the wall. ♪
He would never forgive me.
♪ So I'm gon' let it dry... Nobody has to know... ♪
♪ Gonna let it dry like I'm a buffalo. ♪
♪ I'm gonna let it dry like a bird in flight. ♪
♪ I'm gonna let it dry; I'll take a shower tonight. ♪
Hey, we wanna write more "Songs for When," and of course we wanna get those ideas
from you; so use #SongForWhen, and let us know any (stutters) s-tituation...
- (mimicking gibberish) - ...any situation or need where a song
- could be helpful. - Yes, any "sit-it-tuation." Thank you for
liking, commenting, subscribing, and sharing this video with your friends and
- family. - You know what time it is!
Hi, I'm Ben, from Moosomin, Saskatchewan, Canada. And it's time... to spin the Wheel
- of Mythicality. - Submit your ideas for the Wheel of
Mythicality using #GMMWheel. You submit it, we might do it!
End the episode with it! Click through to Good Mythical More where we're going to
open your mail and test out the "Eggstractor." You push down on it here,
and the egg plops out, and that's the themesong.
I'm looking forward to that... "Rhett forgets how to use a computer."
- Here you go, man. I got this... - WHOA!
- ...for you, it's a computer! - What is that, a mouth?
- Well, it's a computer! - What d'you put in there?
- It's data man! - Pickled pigs' feet apparently.
- (laughs) - (loud sniff)
Man! You've been feeding this thing well! Look at that, it's flexible!
(animal noise)
- Pet 'im. - Naw, man, you type on it. And you...
He's got like a silver back, is it a gorilla?
...open it. Open it. You type in the mouth.
- It's a gorilla that's just a mouth! - Open the mouth, put your hands...
- Look at that! - ...put your hands on the tongue.
Hey Mr. Gorilla, how'd you get out of the zoo?
- Listen, listen. Open... - I'm so proud of you and your new pet.
♪ (outro music) ♪ - Come to papa, my egg-face.
(laughter)
(loud whoosh noise) - Ahhhhh!
(laughter)