- I love pot but, the people that are making edibles need
to slow the fuck down.
(audience laughing)
Oh my god, what're you trying to do to people?
(laughing)
I had a pot gummy bear the other day.
(chuckling)
I think we can all agree a gummy bear
shouldn't be able to steal your soul.
(laughing)
Right?
What the fuck are these people making these things, man?
(laughing)
They're not consistent, that's also part of the problem.
You don't know what you're getting,
'cause they're not making the same place
where they make Tylenol.
(laughing)
Now there's some greasy dude with a
Grateful Dead tee shirt and a gray ponytail.
(laughing)
He's got a bowl of ingredients and he can't remember
whether or not he put weed in yet.
(hearty laughing)
This dude's time traveling, just back and forth
and just keeps chucking weed in there 'til it looks
like lawn trimmings.
(laughing)
You eat it and that's not what you're looking for.
(laughing)
It's not regulated, you gotta ask questions.
I ask the dude at the pot store,
I go "Hey man, how strong are the gummy bears?"
He goes,
(laughing)
That's not a unit of measurement!
He's like El Diablo, El Diablo.
(laughing)
Fuck, man.
How much should I take?
He goes, just the leg.
(laughing)
Just the leg?
Why you selling whole bears?
(laughing)
The fuck you tryna prove man?
(laughing)
They just watch you leave with that bear they go,
"Oh shit."
(laughing)
They know, they know you're not gonna die.
You gonna think you're gonna die, but everybody lives.
(laughing)
Learn some shit, you learn some shit from the scary trips.
(laughing)
See the thing about edibles, one of the problems
with it being illegal, is that a lot of us don't have a lot
of information that we could use.
Like there's a difference between smoking it and eating it.
When you smoke it you get THC, but when you eat it,
it's processed by your liver,
and it produces something called, 11-hydroxy-metabolite.
That's five times more psychoactive than THC,
and it lets you talk to dolphins.
(roaring laughing and clapping)
This is a real moment that changed my life.
(laughing)
I was in Hawaii and we were on a boat and we were fishing,
we're pulling these lines behind the boat,
and I was so high, I was trying to figure out
which way the Earth was spinning.
(laughing)
'Cause then like the boat's going this way,
and the sun's up there, I'm like,
(long droning humming)
(laughing)
For like 20 minutes, I'm paralyzed.
(laughing)
So, while this is all happening, these dolphins
just show up, and if you've ever been around wild dolphins,
they're very trippy.
It's very different than you expect.
Because, they look at you.
They like check you out, they like pop out of the water
and they like look at you.
(laughing)
Like a person, not like a fucking deer, a woodchuck,
they look at you like another person.
Granted, I was so high I thought I was gonna die.
(laughing)
But, I'm making eye contact with these dolphins
and I start thinking, "How smart are these fucking things."
(laughing)
Because we're fishing, dolphins eat fish,
but you never catch dolphins.
(laughing)
Ever.
(laughing)
No one has ever gone fishing
and accidentally caught a dolphin.
(laughing)
And all I could think of while these dolphins are like
hopping through the water and looking at us and shit.
(laughing)
I was thinking if people lived in the water,
you fucking catch them all day.
(laughing and clapping)
They wouldn't even have to live in the water
if cheeseburgers just floated down Geary Street.
(laughing)
At least once a week a guy would be like,
I'm taking a chance!
(roaring laughing and cheering)
And you see them get yanked up to the clouds.
Fuck, we lost Billy, the bottom of his sneakers
and a puff of cloud.
(laughing)
You don't caught dolphins on fish hooks man, that's weird.
They're around fishing all the time and like, psht bitch!
(laughing)
They're fucking smart, how smart?
Well I watched a dolphin documentary, and it said,
they have a cerebral cortex that's 40% larger
than a human being's.
I don't know what that means, but if you say it right,
and don't fuck up the words, it makes you sound
smarter than you really are.
(laughing)
(funky music)