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greetings it is I the alone Ranger we
are back in our regular timeslot with an
abbreviated version of our show we'll be
on for a half an hour followed by
Nightline and this will be the plan
until the shackles come off I hope you
had a Happy Easter we had one of those
family dinner video conference this is
what our Easter was like unmute yourself
grandma you have to we can't hear hit on
mute it was less like an Easter dinner
and more like I was hosting a
non-celebrity reboot of Hollywood
Squares but that's what you do Easter is
a tough one during a pandemic you know
every two minutes we're telling our kids
to wash their hands and all of a sudden
we're like yes go ahead and eat those
jelly beans you found under a bush our
five-year-old Jane told my wife for real
I promise if I see the Easter Bunny I
won't hug him so some lifelong
psychological traumas are definitely
being formed here I will say that as a
parent Easter makes you realize what a
solid backstory Santa Claus has Santa
lives at the North Pole he has elves who
make toys he flies around what reindeer
my kids asked where the Easter Bunny
lived I was like I don't know the sewer
this is good this is what the Easter
Bunny was up to in New Jersey yesterday
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sorry kids everything you believe is a
lie it looks like the president has
another enemy inside his administration
and unfortunately that enemy is dr.
Anthony foul a doctor foul she was on
CNN with Jake Tapper yesterday Jake
asked him if casualties could have been
prevented had the social distancing and
stay-at-home Orders been put in place
sooner and the answer was not exactly
what Trump wants to hear his people
saying I mean obviously you could
logically say that if you had a process
that was ongoing and you started
mitigation earlier you could have saved
lives obviously no one is gonna deny
that well the president is the president
is definitely gonna deny that Trump was
obviously not pleased he retweeted a
post that included the hashtag time to
fire foul Chi every time someone tells
the truth he gets mad is that a good
sign this tweet was written by a woman
who is the author of a dating guide
called making love great again which
sounds like a text Trump would send his
doctor after getting his cialis
prescription refilled making love great
again the spokesperson for the White
House said the media chatter is
ridiculous and that Trump is not firing
doctor foul Qi so he is definitely
firing doctor foul Qi if doctor foul she
wants to keep his job
he'd better find a way to blame this
virus on hunter Biden and quick maybe he
wouldn't be so bad though if Trump fired
foul Qi I mean I for one might enjoy
seeing daily updates from dr. Joseph
exotic on March 24th which was less than
three weeks ago the president said he
expected the country to be back up and
running by Easter but here's the thing
he didn't say which Easter maybe he
meant next year or the year after that
Trump has no idea when the country will
be open for business again but that
doesn't stop reporters from continually
asking when the country will be open
again I want to get it open as soon as
we can we have to get our country open
Jeff say sir what metrics you
used to make that uh the metrics right
here that's my metrics his tanning
bronzer is as metrics if my face is
orange the country will stay closed but
if we see it shifted tangerine game on
and while it would undoubtedly be
dangerous
to let people go back to work
prematurely the president seems
convinced we're gonna die either way
I just want to say that you know you
just talked about couldn't it lead to
death
meaning you open up could lead to death
and you're right but you know what
staying at home leads to death also
maybe you've seen the movie A Nightmare
on Elm Street Freddie gets a whole do
you're right in bed you're done
meanwhile in the effort to and the era
of Trump senator Bernie Sanders today
officially endorsed Joe Biden in a joint
livestream and that's a very powerful
message for the country if two eighty
year old men can successfully log into a
zoom meeting anything is possible
Sanders said that while he and Biden
have real differences and they're not
going to paper over them they need that
paper for the bathroom he will do
everything he can to help Joe in the
election I'm asking every Democrat I'm
asking every independent I'm asking a
lot of Republicans to come together in
this campaign to support your candidacy
talking to us all right Jack thank you
very much Chuck no no well now all the
Democrats have to do between now and
November is keep Joe Biden in a mylar
bag like they do with vintage comic
books schools have been closed for a
month now and a lot of students are
finishing the year online which means a
lot of parents are suddenly in the
seventh and eighth grade again every
parent I know is complaining about
having to algebra geometry social
studies all those things we be asked our
way through the first time around our
back to bite us on the home school ask
but fortunately help is here our very
own Guillermo is very good at this sort
of thing not too many people know
Guillermo scored a perfect sixteen
hundred on this SAT so grab your
children because here he is now your TV
tutor it's time for a homework corner
hello and welcome to homework corner
with Guillermo today's problem East a
car travels at 65 miles per hour how far
you will trouble in 90 minutes okay so I
think a car trouble is 16 miles and okay
you get 65 miles and 19 minutes okay
well I think you should not be driving
right now because of the corona virus so
it stayed home that's right
who can argue with that