Hey guys, welcome back to Lavendaire.
So today I want to have a heart-to-heart talk about change.
And I feel like this entire year things have been changing a lot.
I have been changing and I'm paying more attention to change.
And when you start to pay more attention to the little details that are changing,
you really notice that every day is different
and you are changing every single day.
And when something happens that changes you,
you're never the exact same person as you were before.
But you know, who I am today with a new scar on my leg from Coco
is not the same girl I was before I had this kind of scar on my leg.
You know, things like that: the little details.
And first off, let's start off with saying that change is not bad.
Change is the only constant in life.
Change is inevitable.
We should be changing.
We are changing, even if you're trying to resist it.
So I'm here to say: Don't resist change.
Embrace it, because change is beautiful.
I posted a caption on Instagram that I really like saying,
“Isn't it such a beautiful thought that life is leading you
somewhere you've never been before?”
There's such a sense of wonder in that life is leading you
somewhere you've never been before.
You are becoming a person that you've never been before.
And it's scary because it's different.
But it's fun because it's new.
To me, it's fun.
Some people – it might be terrifying and they don't want to change,
but you know, you can't fight it.
It's going to happen, so you might as well go with it.
So let's talk about how I've changed recently, I guess.
So I can tell that I have changed internally
because I see myself changing externally in just simple things,
like the way my nails are always a different color
each time I get them done.
My hair is always a different color.
It's never the same.
My hair is more damaged now than it was last year
because I did this double process thing.
And I've gotten certain things done, like I got microbladed brows,
so I'm not the same as I was before I had this tattoo or even this tattoo.
I've gotten laser hair removal.
I am not the same girl as I was before.
You know, my body is different.
You guys might have noticed I had a scab and some scars here
because I recently got my skin tags removed.
I had tiny skin tags and it runs on my dad's side of the family that,
when you get older they become these brown things that stick out of your neck.
So I really wanted to get rid of them early while they were small.
So I recently did this a couple of weeks ago and I'm like, “Wow, I'm a new person now.”
I'm not the same girl I was before with the skin tags, you know?
And I know it sounds silly,
but it's just saying that the fact that I'm changing externally,
I'm someone I've never been before
and that must mean that I'm changing internally as well.
And you might not notice it, you know?
These are small things and that's how change happens.
It happens bit by bit, little by little.
And you don't notice in the day-to-day
and then one year happens and you're like,
“Oh my gosh, I've changed,” you know?
And so what I'm doing is paying more attention to those little changes day by day.
Another way I've changed recently is I've started to see my body in a different way.
I've started to really learn to love my body even more,
learn to feel comfortable in my skin even more.
I've been very shy and insecure about my body growing up.
You know, I always thought I had thighs that were too big.
I've been gaining a little weight in my belly recently
and I was just insecure about the summertime,
going to Vegas or the beach or all these things.
And I think after a few of those experiences,
I'm just like, “You know what? I don't care.”
My body is as it is right now and I love my body
and I'm going to show it off because I am young for now.
I'm not going to be young forever.
You know, you might as well enjoy what you've got
and it's not perfect, but nobody's perfect.
And I've learned to embrace it even more.
And something that I've learned from Louise Hay
was kind of life changing in a way
that it changed my mindset on my body.
Now you guys might think that, I'm a little weird for talking about this,
but I'm sure most of you will get it because we're on the same wavelength.
But if you've heard of Louise Hay,
she wrote a book called “You Can Heal Your Life,”
and she talks about how a lot of physical symptoms have emotional causes.
And I read about the emotional causes of fats in your body.
Basically she says that the emotional cause of fat being stored in your body is oversensitivity.
It's our need to protect ourselves.
It's our fear.
So you know, fat is protection.
It cushions your body.
So imagine the fat in your body is protecting you from something.
It's protecting you from fear or anger
or something that has built up that you haven't really dealt with.
I'm just going to read this from my laptop – It comes from Louise Hay.
“Fat or weight issues: Oversensitivity.
Often represents fear and shows a need for protection.
Fear may be a cover for hidden anger and a resistance to forgive.
Running away from feelings,
Insecurity, self rejection, and seeking fulfillment.”
And she also breaks down what it means when you have fat building up in different areas.
So listen to this: “Arms: Anger at being denied love.
Belly: Anger at being denied nourishment.
Hips: Lumps of stubborn anger at the parent.
Thighs: Packed childhood anger, often rage at the father.”
If you guys know my story, you listened to my podcast,
or you’re taking the Dream Life course on the healing and forgiveness,
you know that I've had childhood issues with my dad.
And when I read that and I was like,
“Oh my God, I've always been insecure about my bigger-than-normal thighs.”
And the fact that in this book it says that thighs are related to
“packed childhood anger, often rage at father,”
I was like, “Oh my God, is this a coincidence? Do I believe this?”
And I don't know about you, but I am more of an intuitive person.
I don't need science.
I don't need facts.
When I feel something's right, I believe in it
or I just choose to believe in it because it helps me.
So it's kind of helped me see my body in a different way
and see my fat in a different way, you know?
I understand that fat is here because it's for my protection.
It's actually trying to protect me and help me.
And now that I am older, I'm matured, I'm healing from everything.
I'm releasing things and letting it go.
I've decided I want to release this emotional baggage
that I've been carrying with me my whole life.
And this emotional baggage is also this extra weight,
physical and emotional weight that you've been carrying
because you have resentment that you've held,
or something from the past that you haven't completely healed from.
And to see it in that light really helped me love my body even more
and tell myself, “Okay, fat, I love you.
Thanks for protecting me, but I'm ready to let you go.
I don't need you to protect me anymore.”
I'm a new person.
I'm a new woman.
I can be vulnerable now.
I can be more real, I can be myself,
and thus I don't need this protection around me.
And so that's how I'm working through it.
It's a lot of mental and emotional as well as physical,
as well as eating healthy and working out
and doing everything that you need to do.
So I've been intermittent fasting –
and I'm not an expert at any of this
so I never really want to make videos on this –
but I've just been working on losing weight, doing the physical stuff.
But mostly it's the mental and the emotional,
releasing that weight and that extra baggage.
Moving on: Another way that I've changed recently is
I have learned to be more brutally honest with my close friends
and I have always been someone who is a people pleaser.
I'm very kind.
I'm very, very polite.
I never want to hurt anyone's feelings.
But you know what I've learned is,
sometimes you hurt people when you're trying not to hurt their feelings.
What I mean by that is:
If someone is in the wrong and "someone" is your close friend,
you have the duty, it's your responsibility to tell them the truth,
to tell them that they messed up
or they did something that hurt someone else or whatever.
It's just your job – especially if they're unaware.
And you know, for me – I, many, many times in the past
I've held myself back from being honest or truthful
because I didn't want to hurt my friend.
I didn't want to hurt their ego.
I knew that confronting them would
1) be super uncomfortable and awkward
and 2) would hurt them, would make them feel bad.
And now as I'm more mature, I realized that,
you know, making them feel bad is a temporary thing.
But if you tell them, yeah, it might make them feel bad temporarily,
but it would give them the knowledge and insight
to help them change for the better.
And thus it's good for them in the long run.
And in this world, most people, if they're not your close friends,
they don't care as much about you.
They're not gonna take time out of their day.
They're not going to make the effort to tell you the truth.
They're just gonna shut you out and move on with their lives.
That's why we don't deal with haters.
You know, a hater is going to come at you and you're like,
“Okay, I don't have time or energy to heal you, to help you,
so I'm just going to move on with my life.”
But the friend, the close friend of that hater,
has the responsibility to tell them the truth,
to help them in whatever they have to deal with.
You know, someone's got to tell them.
You realize that the world is just going to brush these people off
because they don't care as much about them.
But if you are a close friend and you care about them,
then you gotta be the one to be brutally honest with them.
And I've grown so much guys.
I used to be so shy, so polite, so nice to everyone, every situation.
And I – not that I'm not nice or kind still, but I can be stronger.
I can stand up for myself.
I could stand up for what's right even more now.
That's a huge way that I've changed.
Another way that I've changed recently is:
I have learned to see my worth in things that are invincible,
things that are untouchable,
things that nothing, nobody can take away from me,
things like my soul, my gifts, my life experience.
You know, those are things that no matter what happens in life,
no matter how bad I fail or fall,
or people take things away from me,
I cannot lose those things.
Your soul is invincible, indestructible, universal, whatever.
And your gifts, you know, you're always gonna have your talents, I guess.
Obviously there are exceptions.
You know, if you lose your arms, you can't play piano anymore.
But what I mean is the way that my mind thinks,
my perspective, my world view, my kindness,
my creativity, things like that I don't believe can be taken away.
And my life experience, because it's in the past,
everything that I've experienced, all those experiences,
traveling, going to school, building a brand or whatever,
I have that experience and no matter what happens, I still have that.
And it's a beautiful thing to know that you have gained something
that cannot be taken away and that is your experience.
And I've just been learning to focus on cultivating more self-worth.
I mean I did that whole self-worth series.
If you haven't seen it, definitely check it out.
I'm really proud of it.
And I did that series because it's something that I have been trying to learn,
something that I've struggled with in the past.
You know, how to stop comparing myself to others,
how to truly believe in my self worth and be confident,
not put my worth in physical things,
not put my worth in numbers on social media
or my business or my productivity,
not put my worth in what other people think about me,
not trying to prove myself to other people.
I used to live life trying to prove my parents,
trying to prove that I can be successful.
And I think that's really common for Asian children.
You know, you want to prove that you can get straight A's,
and you want to prove that you \can make it in life.
And at the end of the day, after I've done certain things,
I feel like I've finally matured out of that stage
where now, all that matters is what I think of myself.
It doesn't matter what other people think of me.
They can think I'm crazy or stupid or something else.
But all that matters is that I hold myself with high regard.
I don't need to prove my worth to anyone else
because I know I have innate worth.
And I talked about this in the self worth series
where if you look at a baby, a baby is so lovable.
Everyone loves babies.
They're so cute and cuddly
and we love them automatically, and they didn't do anything.
And yet a baby has worth simply because it is alive, it's breathing.
It exists in this world and thus it has worth.
Life is so precious.
Life is priceless.
We cannot recreate it.
We can't put a price on life.
And that's why it has so much worth.
And you, if you are a living being, watching this video,
you have worth because you are alive and that is all you need.
You don't need to prove yourself by doing anything.
You don't need to achieve anything to have worth.
You are worthy simply by being alive.
And that is something that, it's one thing to say,
it's another thing to really believe it.
So that is the journey that I've been on, that I'm still on,
but I feel like I've grown so much in that area
to feel that I have so much innate worth.
All right, now I'd love to hear your comments.
How have you changed in the past year?
Comment down below.
I want to hear about your changes.
And don't say you haven't changed because everyone has changed.
We're all changing every single day.
Your hair is growing, your nails, your toenails are growing.
You're different.
You don't have the same cells on your body as you had yesterday.
You know, it's all different.
It's always changing.
Doesn't your skin regenerate?
Or it's like new every seven years or something.
But anyway, love you guys so much.
I will see you guys in the next one.
Bye!