Hello everybody, my name is Markiplier
And welcome to back to "Oh... Sir", The Insult Simulator.
Now you guys (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO)
ROAST ME! Give me your Best shot!
Just TRY to make me weep like the little baby bitch that I am(Awww Mark)
and I will READ them in the next video!
I don't know what I'm of scared of though,
I doubt any one of you has the wits to even dent my ego.
That was an insult to myself.
I tried to make this, like, more antagonist towards you guys, and somehow I just made myself look bad
I don't know how I did that.
But anyway, babooshky.
Come one give me your best shot, Give it to me ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
HIT ME! HIT ME! I want you to do it.
Come on, come on, HIT ME!
"Butts."
Read this first. What a sad start to this roast.
"Still not a grump."
I'm too good for...
*deep consideration over what he's about to do*
BAM!
"You're handsome."
I don't think you know how this works... (giggles)
Ohhh!
OH!
Oh, that's actually good.
Oh my god.
"Glenn's skull has more structure and creativity than your videos."
Wow... oh my god.
"Mark, you have pity fans."
You mean you?
"You're a narcissistic conceited man that uses your inability
to constructively socialize with others as a mean to look cute and gain apathy."
I don't think you know what apathy means. (laughing)
Hang on, wait, okay, hang on.
Apathy means, without even looking up
a kind of like... i- it's like an unwillingness to do something
General malaise, lack of interest of th-, enthusiasm.
Hang on, wait, alright, got it
Like, reply. Boink.
Apathy, noun (laughter)
Alright, here we go
here's a real one
we're getting real. Why not get real?
"The old Markiplier was much more lovable than the present Markiplier.
Many would prefer the old Markiplier back:
The one that does collabs with lesser known Youtubers, the one that could actually make us laugh
with real comedy." My best shot here
Readvsldjwv- OH OH FUCK.
Excuse my puberty. Well! Real comedy...
cause we all know old Markiplier had real comedy
I've never shot away from big swinging balls a day in my life. Here we go!
(screams)
YEAH!
Let's just show that mashed up against... new comedy!
You-you-you-you-you red nosed the-the-the-the-fuck you!
So as you can see, I'm the same doofy asshole that I have always been
and I always will be the same doofy asshole.
But honestly I don't mind this at all. I really don't mind. Real is good!
I don't mind criticism. To be honest, you might have been right just a few months ago.
But lately I've been having the time of my life!
making videos and have been sharing so many laughs with you guys
that it's been a big, bright, shiny ball of awesome in my existence.
It's cool that you're not feeling it
anymore... but I'm prouder than I-I've ever been at what I'm making,
and I think it shows.
That's good! That's about as best I could
Real is good! I don't mind people calling me out on this!
I want people to give me feedback on what I'm doing,
but it's just perfectly honest, I've been happier than I've been in years!
"Your career has been in a downward spiral as your viewer base gets older and outgrows you.
You desperately try to keep people interested in more diverse videos or collaborations
*gasp*
but they quickly grown stale
with the stench of over exposure which will consume you
*another gasp*
and once you realize your bread and butter is just playing video games you'll be all alone...
once you realize your bread and butter is just playing video games, you'll be alone "
And at the end of it all, I'll still have accomplished more than you.
Oh my god I'm such an asshole *maniacal laughter*
"I don't see how you'll ever quit youtube
since you are staying a twelve year old, prepubescent child this entire time.
The only thing that has changed is you have more pity followers, and "edgy' hair
Oh- OH COME ON
You can't backtrack, OH NO, you can't backtrack, naw it's too late. Oh no!
No apology in the reply! You can't backtrack. It's too late! This 12 year old is gonna hold a grudge against you
until the day you die!
Woah, "you die", that sounds like a threat. Day- day I die. Don't wanna sound like I'm threatening anybody.
He says he's a Doom master. A master would know when the Hell Knights came into series.
A master would know how much ammo he has left, and knows not to panic
in front of a Baron of Hell
Oh, I'm not a doom master, am I?
Oh, really?
I am not a Doom Master!!??
I hope you realize that just two generations ago, in my family, our last name was literally Doom.
I-If someone had married a different person in my family, my last name would be Doom.
My name would be Mark Doom.
I'm not joking about that either!
Because if you look up Fischbach, I could have been named Mark Doom,
because this is some of my extended family: "Marie D. Doom Fischbach"
I was almost named Mark Doom
How bad ass would that be if I was named Mark Doom?!
Holy shit.
"You're no longer funny and your "Cry of Fear" series remains your best play-through yet,
despite having made hundreds more videos since then. That's how bad you are."k
And yet you've managed to watch every single one of my videos to make that comparison.
You , sir, might just be my BIGGEST FAN EVER. Thanks so much for being the most dedicated
and loyal person to ever watch my videos.
He's literally admitted he's watched hundreds of my videos, and yet he's still watching. If I'm that bad, just stop dude.
"You've been doing this so long you forget about the blacksmith
the chair, the B to blow, the magic touch, etc.
Every time you think you're finally back on track, you fall off again.
Your promises are cursed to remain broken.
Your goal is constantly drifting just out of reach
and no matter what you do, you can never quite grasp it.
You always fall short!"
Is that a 'short' joke? Better not be a fucking 'short joke'.
"Also, you never put enough fins bruh."
"You're a fucking sellout.
Your videos use to appeal to a more mature audience but you've since become the face of Youtubers
that make fart jokes for fourteen year olds.
You can make as many videos as you want as the screamy smiley red haired icon
that your fans think you are, but we can see that
when no one is looking you find yourself alone in a very dark place.
You're sad, and we can all tell.
*baby noise*
You better not, not be spying on me in me-my-me-oh-my in my masturbation corner
That's suppose to be PRIVATE!
Dear Markiplier, or should I say dear fakeiplier , you're "nice" to you're friends on camera
but off cameraaaaer you're just like everayyy other Amarican
a narcar-narsa-narcissistic asshole who thinks they own the world.
Your only with Jackspeic-er-eye and Pewdiepie bay-a-cuose they can support you with subs
and your friends would rather live in a shoe box than deal with you.
You wear pro-bib-ily one of the people who voted for Trump to be prah-sa-dent
P.S I-It-It's Prime Minister! Canada Out!
You didn't need to say that you were Canadian
I could tell by the grammar. Love you, goodbye.
"Your compassion and selflessness were birthed by your abandonment issues as a child.
YouTube and charity is your coping mechanism to try and give yourself a feeling of self-worth
which you still do, to this day lack.
You will never be happy with yourself or your achievements and will never fill that empty void."
I'm not sure about this one but I think you complimented me there
so thank you very much.
I'll keep shoving...ooof... I'll keep doing great things to fill that gaping hole in me.
"Your comedy is based off of jokes that a thirteen year old would laugh at,
you have no confidence in yourself unless you are in front of a camera,
you are given awards that would be the same as a millennial receiving a participation award,
and your hair is starting to turn grey...made you look."
Wait are you trying to tell me that my Taco Trophy, the one that was given to me by Rachel Ray herself for making the best margarita at the Youtube Summit is just a participation award? Are you kidding me?
And uh no, my hair is not turning gray. I'm not Jacksepticeye.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry Jack, you're not part of this. Oh god.
You once were really funny- your game play-throughs were great!
You laughed at all the roasters
and rolled with all the hate.
"Markiplier is out man"
Is what your fans would cheer
But now they've all got real jobs
They've got real lives I fear
Now you're here on Facebook,
Asking for a roast
To make content for videos
I suggest that you don't post
We all grow up at some point
We move to better things
But you, oh Mark, are immature
Yet live the life of Kings.
People say things they don't mean
And simply post, "first!"
But you my friend I must confess
As a comic, are the worst >.< (Awww)
...that was actually pretty good!
I got nothing to say (this is a historic event)
That was actually just really good!
"I've got no snarky reply too this one!... It was just plain ol' GOOD! I LOVE IT! *mark x fans*
Alright! So, anyways, that is all I have time for (wow Mark, you don't have time for your loyal fans? #roasted)
Right now (oh fudges sake I just roasted you stop making yourself look good)
Somehow, I went into this expecting that I was going to play "Oh, Sir!" insult simulator,
but then I just started reading you guys' comments for an hour and 10 minutes!
That was so much fun! And literally, honestly, guys, don't take ANY of this personally! (too late)
I mean, OBVIOUSLY there's some real criticism in here,
and I consider it ALL, and I'm happy to get criticism!
I've NEVER said that everyone has to love my videos! I actually don't care if people hate them! That's their right, that's totally fine.
I'll keep doin' what I keep doing because I LOVE doin' what I keep doing; I LOOVE making videos, I love doing random BS for you guys,
and I have the greatest time doing it. I have the greatest job in the world.
So THANK YOU everybody so much for watching, thank you for all of your roasts! If you want to roast me down in the comments below,
BRING IT ON!
I barely (if you "barely did, why is so much footage cut? #itookitpersonally) shed a TEAR,
And everybody knows how easily I cry! (begin and end the vid by roasting yourself, great idea)
So GIMMIE YOUR [brat]WURST!
I'm ready for it!
So thank you everybody so much for watching, and as always, I will see YOU,
IN THE NEXT VIDEO! BUH-BYE! :D
*Crazy la Paint by MiniMusicMan*
Does everybody else love these new end pages as much as I do?
CC by Matrixyst and tht7