-Hammond. -Yep?
I don't like looking at your car.
It's the only thing that brightens my day knowing you've got to look at it
and I haven't. I'm stuck... No, there's its reflection! God, it's hideous.
Up ahead, there was a chance for the Porsche to redeem itself.
Ooh, hello. Tunnel.
There it is. Sport.
No noise at all.
On a 4.7 litre V8 and... I can't hear anything.
The Aston put on a better show.
Not bad.
But then came the Maserati.
What I'm going to do now is push the sport button.
Oh, my God!
What this button does is it turns carbon dioxide into noise.
However, like the other two, I had complaints.
The sports noise, that's good.
The trouble is they've also fitted it with sports suspension and that's not good.
If you can afford £100,000 to spend on a car, chances are you're a bit old
and old people don't want to drive along like this.
That's not comfy.
And there was more.
I honestly thought James was being stupid, but he isn't.
I can't fathom anything out.
There are buttons I've just found on the back of the steering wheel,
six of them, no idea what they do.
On the uneventful one-hour cruise to the business park...
Do I care that I don't know what the buttons do? No.
I worked out a way to describe the unhinged but bewitching Quattroporte.
Owning this car is like owning a two-year-old child.
It's really annoying for a lot of the time,
but if someone tried to take it away from you...
-You'd kill them. -You'd kill!
Then, since the park was closed, we decided to turn it into a race track.
And in the Maserati, Hammond quickly got what I was on about.
Oh, my word!
This is a four-door saloon car, but it sounds utterly magnificent.
It's just got so much style. I don't care what the flaws are.
I don't care if it picks its nose and farts in bed. I love this thing.
It's just got such a sense of fun about it. That's the whole point.
Even if you're trying to keep that lid down.
Mind you, the Aston wasn't bad either.
Do you know what this is? I'll tell you exactly what this is.
It is exciting.
There's a subtle, refined rage to this car.
It is not as sharp as a Vantage or DB9 or DBS,
but as a four-door saloon car, it's spectacular.
Here on the business park raceway,
even the four-wheel drive Elephant Man is making a case for itself.
God above! This thing's quick.
It feels big, but woo!
Staggering.
I'm just amazed by this car.
Dynamically, it is as fabulous as it is gopping to look at.
Frankly, we could have fooled about all day in these cars,
but we decided to induce a bit of science by laying out a course
and then summoning the head of accounts.
-Is he ready? -Yes, believe so.
Of course he is. He's the Stig.
Three, two, one, go.
-They sold 1,000... -Ssh!
What were you going to say?
I was going to say that they sold
1,000 of those Maseratis over a five-year period,
but over the save same five years, they sold
-nearly 15,000 Mercedes S Classes. -He's coming back!
You know the Ferrari F438?
What?
He got a bit squirrely there.
I've had a crisis!
35.8.
With the Maserati's time on the board...
the Stig lined up the Aston.
Three, two, one and go.
I'm very angry!
But why is it so expensive?
I think they're charging 140,000 'cause they can.
He is brave. Isn't he brave?
Okay, the Aston Martin Rapide.
-Go on, then. -There's your Maserati, 35.81.
-Yeah! -Rapide... 35.25.
So, 50 grand and you go
0.6 of a second faster round Farnborough business park.
It is an important piece of consumer advice.
I'd spend an extra 50 grand for that.
Right. It's time now... for the Porsche.
Three, two, one, go.
Has it gone?
You two haven't given it the full beans yet, have you?
-No. -It's absolutely astonishing.
I have to say, I like the look of it now.
-You can't... -No, it's behind that building.
-It's back! -I've got to look.
Right. The Porsche did it in...
35.1, which is only a tenth of a second faster,
but nevertheless, that thing, I think, is astonishingly fast.
It is. That's all very well,
but which would you rather walk out to in the morning?
The Maserati or the Aston that'll make your trousers go all hot,
or the Porsche... they do...
or the Porsche which makes a bit of sick come into your mouth when you see it.