INFJs make up less than 3% of the population.
Being such a rare personality type can definitely have its own unique brand of struggles.
INFJs deal with many hurdles and difficulties in life, simply because they operate differently
than the norm.
They are natural idealists and dreamers.
Many tend to start off life with an almost unrealistic faith in humanity and wonder for
the world.
However, over time, the bleakness and harshness of people and society can disillusion them.
They can succumb to life's hardships, drift through time, and end up waking up one day
saying ‘ where did it all go wrong.
These questions are a result of enduring regret - it is different from the regret one feels
after making a daft social media post, for example.
This regret feels much deeper, a kind of inexplicable emptiness mixed with anger.
One can see their life as a salient set of “sliding door” moments of things they
could and should have done better.
It almost feels tragic, because could it have been prevented?
Unfortunately, it's often only in hindsight that INFJs realize this.
So let's explore, 5 Life Lessons Most INFJs LEARN TOO LATE.
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below.
Don’t be afraid of being different, be afraid of being the same as everyone else
INFJs are introverted feelers destined to exist in a world made for extroverted sensors.
This is the reason many have a difficult time finding like-minded souls who understand them.
Often they feel unusual, odd, or like they’re swimming upstream in a world that is going
in an entirely different direction.
They are deeply sensitive observers and so they can become hyperaware and insecure of
the fact they are not like everyone else.
Early in life many also experience rejection and ridicule, so they learn to adapt in order
to fit in.
Over time they can become successful at this, which can give them reprieve to get by.
However the problem is; when you’re always trying to fit in, you lose a part of yourself
in the process.
For some INFJs there can be a gap between what they want to be, and what they think
the world thinks they should be, and its this gap that can be a catalyst for enduring regret.
When INFJs stop conforming, it gives rise to their creativity.
When they make it a point to start acting, thinking, and being their authentic selves,
they are able to explore, pushing the boundaries of that safe little comfort zone they’ve
created for themselves and expanding their horizons.
It's a gift of the unknown, the unusual, and the unexpected.
You can’t save everybody, but you can save yourself
INFJs are big-picture visionaries who want to improve the world for its’ own sake and
for the sake of the people around them.
Their deep empathy comes from their Extroverted Feeling (Fe) function.
It allows them to be very in tune with other's emotions and quickly pick up on the moods
and mental states of those around them.
When they see people suffering they cannot only understand the emotions they’re experiencing,
they can also literally feel it as if it were their own.
They are therefore inclined to nurture and protect those around them.
INFJs also have Introverted Intuition (Ni) as a dominant cognitive function.
This is what makes them naturally insightful and future-oriented.
Their idealism gives them a view of how the world should or could be, and so they are
always thinking of how to make the world a better place.
Their intuition gives them a clear vision of the consequences and impact of people's
actions, and so they also feel responsible to act.
They are not fulfilled to just think of a better future, they actually want to make
it a reality.
It is therefore not an exaggeration to say, INFJs want to save the world.
Having a purpose bigger than themselves not only gives them meaning in their lives but
also a reason to stay alive.
However when one sees the world as constantly needing to be saved, one will only see its
problems.
And sure, the world has many problems and there are many things that can be improved,
but there is also a lot of goodness to be found if one is looking for it.
INFJs need to make a point of looking for their own joy in their life experiences, in
order to persevere.
You will know the truth by the way it feels
INFJs process and understand everything through their most dominant function; Introverted
Intuition (Ni).
Their brain is naturally wired to focus on the unseen and intangible things around them.
It’s like a sixth sense.
It has the ability to connect dots and recognize patterns in information, which leads them
to conclude a likelihood of a particular outcome further down the road.
It’s how their mind is wired, but this process is mostly done unconsciously.
This is why certain revelations may seem to come ‘out of the blue’ and even shock
the INFJ themselves.
This is their intuition at work, but it cannot be quantified in the moment, so for people
who don’t understand it, it can appear far-fetched or delusional.
While in certain cultures spiritual and mystical characteristics like intuition are prized,
in much of Western culture it is seen as “odd” or “woo woo.”
INFJs are therefore often shamed into hiding or ignoring this sixth sense, which is one
of the biggest mistakes they can make.
An INFJs intuition is their superpower.
Once harnessed it can be an incredibly powerful tool for decision making and while not infallible,
it can be invaluable.
It’s what draws INFJs to ideas, concepts, theories, and hidden meanings in things.
It is like having an inner voice that is beyond logic or learned responses, revealing both
who they are and the knowledge they have gained.
When an INFJ learns to listen to their intuition, they can benefit from the creativity it offers
and the feeling of confidence that it brings.
Needing help is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of being human
Most INFJs tend to be fiercely independent.
This is due to their high expectations and perfectionism.
They have Introverted Thinking (Ti) as a tertiary cognitive function which can make them unconventional,
inventive, and preoccupied with their own thoughts.
INFJs have a strong desire to control and to create and accomplish their goals on their
own terms.
While this can be a positive it does often lead to some difficulties, when it comes to
asking others for help.
Their confidence in their own logic can contribute to them believing they can handle everything
on their own.
Many also have fears of being a burden to people, and so their reluctance might also
be a result of wanting to protect their vulnerabilities.
Although independence can be a great virtue, humans are relational beings.
We all need each other to some degree.
Asking for help allows us to maintain a sense of well-being that allows for self-care.
INFJs in particular will do well to remember this.
Often times when faced with challenging, unmanageable circumstances, they can become overwhelmed.
Their default response is usually to go it alone, instead of asking for guidance or advice.
This can often mean making things unnecessarily harder than they need to be.
INFJs would do well to remember that asking for help isn’t a sign of failure, and it
can be useful to reach out to others.
Dependable relationships define us, give us cause to live, and help us become who we are
meant to be.
Surround yourself with people who see your value and remind you of it
INFJs have Extroverted Feeling (Fe) as a secondary cognitive function.
This means they are able to absorb other people's emotions, so who an INFJ hangs out with can
literally impact how they feel.
INFJs are naturally very compassionate and forgiving.
These are righteous virtues but it can open them up to a whole host of negativity.
So before an INFJ diagnoses themselves as depressed or anxious, they need to first make
sure they’re not hanging around with jerks.
An INFJs intuition will usually signal when they are around toxic people, however, some
INFJs have not learned to listen and trust their inner voice.
These INFJs are inclined to comfort and give undeserving people the benefit of the doubt,
and without their intuition to safeguard them, they can very easily fall into the hands of
narcissistic and other abusive individuals.
And then suddenly they can find themselves in toxic relationships.
However when INFJs start trusting to their intuition about people, the red flags become
harder to ignore, and it will become easier to walk away from the wrong people.
It can be eye-opening to realize how calm and relaxed they feel when they stop talking
to people who are not good for them.
This can similarly guide them to the right people, who treat them the way they should
be treated, the people that can understand, appreciate and bring them comfort.
An INFJ surrounded by such people can will find their life enriched in a whole host of ways.
Every day we live our lives in constant motion, and with that motion, there will always be
a flow or some kind of change that follows.
Some changes we welcome open-heartedly, while others we might find ourselves pushing aside
to avoid them.
If you’re an INFJ, it’s time to ask yourself honest questions – how often do you limit
yourself from opportunities, experiences, and even give up certain dreams because you’re
digging up the most used excuses in the book?
How often do you cross things off of your bucket list not because you’ve completed
it, but because you’re too fixated on how you’re not able to or capable of doing them?
One time is already too many times.