“Ben and I aren’t getting married.
He’s not my type.”
“What do you mean he’s not your type?
He’s witty.
He’s attractive.
He’s successful.
He’s single.”
“He’s gay.”
The year was 1973.
Homosexuality was considered a mental illness, you could be arrested for being gay in most
of the country, no openly gay or lesbian person had ever been elected to public office.
And Mary Tyler Moore, America’s sweetheart, put a gay man in front of viewers for an entire
episode without anyone noticing until the last minute -- and then acted like it was
no big deal.
When it was, in fact, a very very very big deal.
All aboard and welcome to Matt Baume’s Culture Cruise, where we take a deep dive on queer
topics on TV, in movies, in books and games and more.
This time we’re taking a peek at Season 3 Episode 17 of Mary Tyler Moore -- “My
Brother’s Keeper.”
Culture Cruise is made possible by the lovely folks who pledge their support on Patreon
-- folks like Lissie Roberts.
Thanks Lissie!
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The episode “My Brother’s Keeper” centers around the character of Phyllis.
A busybody apartment manager, she wants to set her tenant Mary up with her brother Ben,
who writes music for TV commercials.
“Oh Mary, you’ll adore him -- he’s just like me!”
Phyllis is what you’d call a meddler, and refuses to accept that Mary’s just not that
into him.
“Seems as if you’ve been saved for each other.”
“Well Phyll, I’m not all that saved.”
Phyllis is determined to connect Mary and Ben.
But the two of them have zero chemistry.
“Nice to meet you, Mary.”
“Very nice to meet you too, Ben.
I knew it, I just knew it.”
Mary’s neighbor Rhoda, on the other hand, gets along great with Ben.
“Hi Mary -- oh boy have we had a crazy day.”
“Rhoda!”
That’s a problem because Phyllis hates Rhoda.
Rhoda’s loud, assertive, impulsive -- in other words, she’s fun.
But Phyllis is not amused.
“That woman has cast some sort of spell over Ben.”
“No spell, Phyllis.
It’s just that in case you haven’t noticed, Rhoda is very attractive.”
“Is she?”
Phyllis spends a long time fretting about what she thinks is going on between Rhoda
and Ben.
Rhoda even jokingly says they’re going to get married, at which point Phyllis makes
her feelings known in the middle of a party.
So then, in literally the last minute of the episode, Rhoda explains to Phyllis what’s
ACTUALLY been going on.
“He’s not my type.”
“What do you mean he’s not your type?
He’s witty.
He’s attractive.
He’s successful.
He’s single.”
“He’s gay.”
Now let’s pause it there, because there are a lot of ways the episode could go at
this point.
It’s 1973, and mainstream America isn’t exactly fond of the homosexual.
And neither is television.
Most TV shows that featured LGBT themes around this time reflected pretty hostile attitudes
toward gay characters.
They were often portrayed as killers like on the show Dan August.
“Then why kill her?”
“She knew about me.
She knew I was homosexual.”
Or as perverts, like on this CBS news show:
“The average homosexual if there be such is promiscuous.
He is not interested in nor capable of a lasting relationship like that of a heterosexual marriage.
One news show aired a segment around this time entitled simply "Are Gays Going to Hell?"
So that’s the context in which The Mary Tyler Moore show, a lighthearted sitcom, revealed
that the guest character we’ve been watching for the entire episode is gay.
I’ll admit, when I first watched this, I was dreading what would come next.
I was sure I was about to see something super 1970s homophobic.
Here’s what happened next:
“Oh Rhoda, I’m so relieved!”
Me too, Phyllis.
Me too.
I wasn’t sure I liked this ending at first.
Initially, I thought the joke was that it was ridiculous to be happy about having a
gay brother, that only a crazy person like Phyllis would be relieved about that news.
But I don’t think that’s what’s actually going on -- the joke is more that Phyllis
just worked herself up into a frenzy for what turned out to be no reason at all.
“I’m worried sick about Ben and Rhoda.”
Despite all her dramatics, there was a totally reasonable explanation for what was happening
that she was simply too wrapped up in herself to consider.
In other words, Phyllis is the punchline, not Ben.
Her ignorance is the joke.
Not his sexuality.
So now the secret’s out.
Ben is gay.
He’s not going to marry Rhoda.
And Phyllis can just -- relax.
There’s a cute little capper at the end of the episode, just 45 seconds, showing everyone
chilling together like everything’s fine.
“I love Mozart.”
“No, Phyllis, this is my dog food commercial.”
And while this may seem like a pretty trivial scene, some folks hanging out with a gay guy
-- remember, this was 1973.
Homosexuality was illegal in most of the country, including Minneapolis, where the show is set.
In fact, although it hasn’t been enforced since 2001, Minnesota still technically has
a ban on homosexuality to this day, with a penalty of $3,000 and a year in jail.
The same year this episode aired, Minneapolis held its first gay pride festival.
The first meeting of PFLAG took place -- that’s the support group Parents and Friends of Lesbians
and Gays.
And San Francisco State University became the first university in the country to hire
an open lesbian for a faculty position.
And most significantly, in December of 1973, the American Psychiatric Association removed
homosexuality from its list of mental illnesses.
As unremarkable as Ben looks here, at the time Americans saw this scene, he was considered
a criminal.
Mentally ill.
An outcast with no reasonable expectation of support from family and friends.
So you might expect his outing to be an even bigger crisis for Phyllis, and require a Very
Serious Episode conversation.
But instead, it’s just fine.
No big deal.
As long as he’s not dating Rhoda, she’s happy.
This is an unbelievably positive response to a gay character, on one of the most popular
shows in the country.
About a quarter on the TV sets in America were tuned to the Mary Tyler Moore Show in
1973 -- that’s the same percentage as watched the last season of Seinfeld -- and what did
they see?
Gay people aren’t sick or sad or dangerous.
They’re just people.
And fun to have at parties.
Once Ben is out, everyone treats him like he’s completely unremarkable.
But considering the climate at the time, being unremarkable is the most remarkable thing
about him.
Thanks for cruising along with us!
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Thanks again to Lissie for making this episode possible.
And now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go turn the world on with my smile.