I'm doing what aunties do when they're at a party,
a white aunt goes to.
Guys, burgers are ready.
There's a white girl, a black guy's white
mother-in-law going to his house for the first time.
Hey. Burgers...
Am I doing it?
Burgers are up. Put those Goddamn hands down.
Am I doing it?
Put those Goddamn hands down.
Chris does your family like me? I'm doing it.
I swear to God if you don't put your motherfucking hands down.
I'm doing the thing, I'm like you guys.
I like spicy sauces.
I swear to God.
I love being here. Black barbecues are a mood.
Black Lou sent us this story that I love and I figure Ali,
Chris, you guys have your fingers
on the pulse of white people who identify as black Americans.
You know this weird fucked up version of blackface
that some people are doing?
I mean Rachel Dolezal, I thought she would have deterred this
from ever happening again.
I don't know man.
But it started a new faction I guess.
No.
It's crazy.
I haven't even read the story, I just saw the pictures.
I believe...
I saw the screen capture...
I believe the chosen ones, the Jews, have said it best
where it's a lot of chutzpah to do this.
Which means sack, it's sack.
It takes a lot of swinging, hairy sack
to fucking do this on a talk show.
Why dashiki?
Why a dashiki?!
Oh, they're black! They don't,
they identity as black and they'll hold onto that.
She's got nothing to do with it. He just came...
That's merch from a Michael Blackman show
I went to last night.
But he supports live comedy and buys the merch.
You gotta appreciate that. Mothersucker.
Mothersucker on the back.
The guy does one thing right. He supports live comedy.
He supports live comedy and the merch of said comedian.
White glamor model Martina Big made headlines for her
thirty-two S breasts...
White glamor model?
...In black skin
which she obtained from tanning injections.
Injections?
Injections.
What the fuck?
One year there she traveled to Kenya
to be baptized as black. Is that even a thing?
Never heard of that. Never heard of that.
You can't even do that.
The best part is, as she claimed local clergyman
even declared her to be a true African woman.
So she ... exactly what happened is,
she went up to an African guy ...
she was like...
can you baptize me as black? Here's seven thousand dollars.
She wasn't bad.
He was like, "Yeah."
That was her?
You want to be me?
Why do you say?
What'd you say, white woman?
This is a trap.
This is a trap? You are trappin' me.
Is this some sort of amusement for you?
Oh yeah? Fuck you.
You are fucking with me? I want to be white.
But she wasn't bad!
She wanted to have black babies, all she had to do was just wait.
Somebody would've got her!
She Little Kimed herself.
She Little Kimed her fuckin' self.
How does that look like...
That's her in the white?! Yeah.
I would have took the white one down.
She would have got this black baby.
Why doesn't she get it fuckin' old school style.
Yeah, she even looks pretty fucked up.
They can't stop. They can't stop.
She like good thick.
The one on the right looks like when
Sweet D does that Puerto Rican character on
Always Sunny. Shut up, stupid!
See, this is when white people don't have nothin' else to do.
This is pure boredom.
I've done everything, now,
I'm gonna have aspirations of bein' black.
But she can quit. She can quit whenever she wants to.
She sure can. Even though, it'd be funny if she does.
She goes, "You know what, I'm goin' back to bein' white."
And the guy goes.
"Hey, you cannot change. I went through whole ceremony."
"I am the only one who can bring you back."
I mean, it wasn't solidified
until she put that black girl's right chain around her neck.
That's how you know.
That was double middle fingers.
That's the necklace?
I thought that was a screen, they put the screen...
No, that's a real necklace. That's a real necklace, bro.
That's a black girl...
She did the same thing. She did a Little Kim thing.
Do you think she got emotional
when someone gave her that chain?
Oh she cried.
By the way, go back to the...
When she's in the pink right there,
she actually looks like a racist Sambo drawing.
Ah, man. That's crazy.
She should be singing "Is you, is you, is you, ain't my baby.
If you is come on give me a kiss."
This is fucked up.
You could see this woman is just clearly mentally insane from...
I mean...
I could also see she's white.
Yeah, but she went and got like beach ball tits
and then was like,
"This isn't doin' it enough, let me get some tan injections."
Who like that though? The breasts that big.
Who like... What do you do with that?
I love big titties.
No, that's too much.
Like real big breasts?
Oh yeah, of course. I don't mind implants.
Big implants are cool. That's crazy.
Dan's treadin' light.
No, I goes Double D.
You get to E, you start gettin' a little dangerous.
After G, I mean who's that for?
That's gotta be uncomfortable.
Like what do you do with those?
You carryin' weight like you're squattin'
three fifteen the time.
Here's the power of pussy...
Let's just sit back and revel in awe of it.
Cause she has some fuckin' dude
who looks like a fat used car dealership owner
who's also sittin' down next to her and goin' "You were black".
He goes, "Yeah, baby, I'm black too. Look at me.
Whatever you wanna be. What are you sayin', baby.
Listen, I've got some black guys
that say we're black we're fuckin' black."
Party of two, me and my wife. We're blacks.
Yeah. So, you know, bring us black food.
Yeah, you know. I don't know. Jesus.
Doesn't he look like a guy who says that?
He don't even know what food.
You know, the other parts of the meat or whatever.
The other parts of the thing.
How do you say that?
What's in that?
Oh you're gonna feed people that.
You treat me like a
I'm a black man walkin' in here.
Hey, it's me. I'm a Nubian Prince.
Fuckin' leave me alone. What is this fuckin' guy?
You treat my Queen like that?
Tell me what? Go back to Africa? Go back to Africa?
I'll fuckin' send you back to Africa.
I would love to return to the cradle of civilization.
Original man. Original man came through there.
The white devil's out there tryin' to steal your shit.
Don't make me put my big black fist across your fuckin' face.
I'm gonna go home and fuck my wife big fat ass.
Fuckin' fat ass.
Black Italian.
We're gonna go home, she's gonna fry us up some grits
and I'm gonna forget about my day.
I swear to God. I swear to God,
you're gonna get me to fuckin' sing us all a song.
What? They're runnin' Good Times reruns on TV one?
Well dynamite!
I'll tell you this.
I'm done! I'm done!
That information is... dynamite!
Please pull the video up.
Please say we have audio of this guy.
We've given him a whole life.
Just from one picture we got a whole thing.
He goes, good news is didn't have to trade in the Cadillac.
It's the one thing that made it to the other side.
Cadillac holds up. And my Brasure was doin' good.
And of course they're from some goofy fuckin' nation.
...havin' babies. You've been told by a doctor
that your children will be black.
Yup. They said they will be black.
We are not having plans,
but I am discussing labor with my doctor with everything...
Is she Swedish?
That sounds like some goofy ass Scandinavian.
Did she get a surgery where they sewed her cheeks to her teeth?
Why is she talking like...
She sounds, she sounds Scandinavian.
If you hear it, she's like,
"The doctor says that we have the black baby,
but they also, they injection did not work."
It's like Engrish.
And also
is my black boyfriend. Dude, this chick is...
I can't wait till he talks. I hope he just goes, "Ah, yeah!
What up, what up? What's good, talk show?!"
What if he Ali G's it? He's British.
Please just have his voice.
That's what we're all waitin' for.
This goofy shithead. Can't talk.
We gotta hear his voice.
Yeah, her fuckin' Swedish chef voice
was buggin' the word out've me.
flerky flerky turkey
And the baby, the baby flerkin' with the
He was almost tradin' places, that's crazy.
Dude, what's up with his contacts.
Ah, Hell man.
Does he have fuckin' contacts.
He got a method man eye?
How ever do you want it? How ever do you need it?
I'd like to identify as a black kitten.
Does he have a method man eye?
Just one of 'em?
Dude, that'd be so great if just one of 'em was widened out.
He's got half his hair corn road.
Dude, that' great. That's their first dance?
Hey, let me take my fang grill out.
He goes, "Sorry, bro. I wasn't...
I watched tales, I was watchin' Tales from the Hood."
Oh, the production was lovely.
They had sandwiches in the back for us.
cappicola, prosicutto, mozzerella
Oh man.
She should have stopped right there
with the massive tits, not the huge tits.
She should have stopped right there.
When she was white, when she was in the white outfit
lookin' like a Dallas cowgirl cheerleader,
she should have stopped right there.
That's when she would've got that money.
She would have got the baby money shot right there.
On the left? Right there on the left.
You're tellin' me there's not a low level
Russian gangster that won't fuckin' ...
Of course.
You know my lady friend.
She'd make herself a cartoon. That's fuckin' crazy.
But we say it goes that way with all of 'em.
You think she has an ex-boyfriend
that fucked her when she was there
and then she showed back up and he was like, "Yes!"
What happened to you?
If you gonna let her get one or two surgeries like that,
that's the moment when you're like yeah, perfect.
I think she either attacks you to fuck like Rambo
or it's you think you're against a mud wall
and then she just opens her eyes.
You just see the eyes and the pink.
That's predator!
Dude, that'd be funny if you were fuckin' her
and you were like, "What the Hell are you?"
What the Hell are you?
She comes in the room
and you get the three red dots on your chest.
If you completely can kill it. She's just in her face.
What the Hell are you? She'd suck his...
We were talkin' before you came in early about Little Kim.
She could have stopped that surgery.
If she stopped the surgery at fuckin' Notorious K.I.M.
She should have stopped it after the second one.
She should have never had...
Agreed.
She should have put whatever little breasts...
but the squat joint was the best.
She should have never went past Little Kim
squattin' down that album. That was it.
I think that's no surgery.
That's no surgery.
We're tellin' people who're gonna go for it anyway.
People who are gonna go for it no matter what.
Michael Jackson could have stopped at Thriller
and been alright.
Yeah, he was burnt, but yeah he could have stopped at Thriller.
He had the vitiligo after that.
Yeah he had the vitiligo, but...
And the fact that it wasn't as cool as it is now.
She could have stopped right there.
There weren't catalogs tellin' kids at school.
Yeah, now it's just...
Like Sammy Sosa.
She could have stopped right there.
Sammy Sosa is creepy as fuck.
And that's just the cartoon version.
That's not even the real Kim version.
Kim could have stopped right there and it was a wrap.
Oh that lady's weird tits.
So she just went mentally insane and then just fuckin' was like,
"I'm just gonna... How do I get the most attention possible?
I just dye my skin."
And druga dude down with her.