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Okay storytime...
Housekeepers of reddit, what do you know about the owners of the houses that they don’t
know you know?
Man of the house ask me and the other cleaning crew ladies if we have ever seen this type.of
dog leash.
Holds up what is clearly a under bed restraint system looking confused.
I didn't say sheet.
We all looked at each other like "duck no I'm not telling him" he says "mmm, maybe she
wants a dog.
Why was it under the mattress ???" He just wandered off dragging this thing behind him.He
was a nice guy worked a lot, tipped well, gave us holiday bonuses.
She was a trophy wife, and was not nice to him.
They divorced while i still worked their, he got a dog named mayonnaise and was much
happier.
It was a rescue grey hound.
Sweet dog.
I don't live in that town anymore but i hope mr jim is happy still.
Where she keeps her bilbo's.
It’s not obvious.
I’m a nanny.
The last family worked for I overheard the Dad calling his insurance asking if a certain
Rehab was covered.
He talks LOUD naturally.
I heard what he was going for and everything.
Nobody knew not family not friends.
Just me and them.
They never knew I knew.
Not a house keeper but a nanny.
A family once took me on vacation with them so I could watch their kids while they‘d
go out and explore the area.
That week, my bed was the couch in the living room.
It’s late at night, the kids are sleeping, I’m laying on the couch and the parents
get back.
The dad says, “is she sleeping” referring to me?
I didn’t say anything so apparently he assumed yes.
He then started farting very loudly.
Our maid service found our positive pregnancy test in the bathroom trash, after presumably
finding negative pregnancy tests in the bathroom trash for the previous 12 months.
Left us a nice little congratulations note on my wife’s nightstand.
Dog walker, here.
I was dog sitting for an older work friend once and saw her "days sober" calendar.
I was simultaneously sad, because I had no idea she was struggling, and happy for her
because she had almost a full month marked off.
I'm not a housekeeper but my late aunt used to be.
One of her clients, who was fairly well-to-do, had a whole closet full of genital themed
toys.
And when I say "toys," I'm not using a euphemism for "six enhancement items" or anything like
that.
Literal genital toys.
Windup pen 15s with googly eyes on them, PEZ dispensers shaped like the most browsed pages
of a skin mag (I suspect these weren't official PEZ brand), rather risque variants on "pin
the tail on the donkey", a Nerf-like gum that fired foam phalluses . . .
My cleaning guy caught me leaving the house once.
Said he knew I enjoyed some magic dragon because he’d find stuff for it a lot and asked if
he could find me some for a camping trip with his wife.I freaked a little after he just
said “I know you do marijuana”.
I was like am I catching a lecture
House I used to work at had a secret passage from the master bed to the attic, also a secret
passage from a cabinet in the great room leading to the exterior of the garage
You need boner pills to have all those affairs.
My friend who cleans houses said she once had a girl who left dirty pads all over her
room.
She refused to clean it
Honestly, everything.
I worked in a house manager/butler type of position, and there is nothing you don't find
out eventually.
The trajectory of the toothpaste droplets on the mirror would tell me which of the women
had spent the night.
I knew passwords to computers, alarm systems, bank accounts and safes that I hadn't necessarily
been provided with.
drugas, kinks, medical history, sordid family secrets, skeletons in the closet, you name
it.
I think that's the reason salaries get obscene if you stay long enough, your silence is literally
golden.
When you cheat on your all-organic keto diet
There's a secret basement in the house behind a shelf in the Kitchen, the previous owner
did it.
A whooooole lot.
My favorite story is this old couple.
Mid-70s, inseparable, and couldn't be sweeter if they were covered in sugar.
The lady would always leave me a cooked lunch for when I came over, and explicit instructions
written on the top of the cling wrap for how long to microwave it.
Their house was just a few steps down from a mansion.
Five bedrooms, four bathrooms.
It usually took a good three hours just to finish all the vacuuming and dusting.
One day they had a room closed and locked that had always been open before.
Their treadmills and old people dumbbells were in there.
No note or anything on the door about leaving it alone, and since I had a universal key,
I didn't give it a second thought and went in.
Didn't find anything unusual apart from a large-ish box on the treadmill.
Picked itup to dust off, and the bottom gives way.
Out fall about ten different six toys.
A purple bilbo that must have been a foot-and-a-half long, clearly used nipple clamps, and a fleshlight
with "ARNOLD" sharpied on it were among the things I had to very carefully put back in
the box to place it elsewhere.
Dusted the room and vacuumed it, trying the whole time to erase the contents of that box
from my memory.
I finish that up, and feeling a bit peckish, decide to take that time to go eat lunch.
Two chicken breasts with a side of celery greeted me in the dining room.
The cling wrap had two notes on it, the first of which read "microwave for 1:30 on HIGH,
sauces in fridge."
The second, which was clearly written very hastily by the husband, read "You should have
put a serious tag on this question."
Working in hotels is similar to cleaning someone’s house, because those comfortable will lay
it out for you.
You can tell if someone is messy or tidy at home, how well they take care their things,
what they eat, how much they drink, what medical problems they may have, and if you get the
chance to meet them you can piece together why they live the way they do by telling their
stories.I never made fun of our guests or judged them.
That would be so unfair and intrusive.
A client of mine doesn’t know I know she ducks her husband in the ats with a strap
on 🤷🏼‍♀️
Nice columbian family.
Big tipping.
They import coke from Columbia.
A bit of an innocent one but while I was cleaning I saw this cabinet that was very large.
Like someone could fit a body in there.
So, being curious, I opened it and saw A WHOLE ROOM.
It was crazy!
Inside there was a bed and lights attached to these tall wood pieces.
Then a mini bookshelf with some books and a desk and computer.
It was absolutely amazing....
Housekeeper/Nanny here...Eventually we find everything.Mainly where the six toys are,
where dad hides all his empty energy drink cans, where mom stores all her shopping purchases
with tags still on them...
parents in general hide their unusual items in the most usual places.
Simple boxes in bedroom drawers, in random linen closets, mostly readily able to find
and just out of they way (I've helped move several families and doing the checks for
packing has gotten some interesting results)
We know when the parents are tired and don't want to come home.
We know sometimes the bar trips the parent takes before coming home.We know schedules
that they say are the reason aren't really the reason
We know personal preferences they have over the years to any random assortment of thing.
Seriously who buys mayo to put on everything as their condiment of choice?Some things that
we know, they know we do and accept it.Alot of the stuff we know, we find out and DEFINITELY
play dumb with.First milestones in nannying are a big one.
Keep that to the parents finding the first tooth we found days ago, the walking steps
they took yesterday were really the first today.
Why take those moments from parents needlessly is our perspective.Housekeeping is usually
the who is dirtiest.
I know which parent doesn't brush their teeth every day.
Which parent is having an affair with a coworker and left behind a recognizable item on accident.We
know that they don't even consider or think much about us knowing all these things.The
worst was accidentally listening to my bosses get it on.
They had left the monitor for the baby in their room.
It was not turned off and they to this day do not know I heard them (and turned off the
monitor) lol
One of my most "vanilla" customers doesn't know I know about her bondage fetish.
She seems like she would be a kindergarten teacher, it caught me off guard when I seen
her ropes/cuffs.
Not the housekeeper, but,I thought I had this brilliant hiding spot.
And when I lost my wallet, my Maid told me “you should hide it with those papers inside
your nightstand next time”.I felt such fee er.
She knows the house better than any of us.Disclaimer/edit: She’s like family to me and has been with
us for over a decade.
I know for sure she would never steal from us.
I was a nanny and babysitter for an exclusive, high-end agency.
I am trying to choose a story.
I have hundreds.I guess I’ll go with this one: One of my regulars was a literal math
genius in one of the best universities in the country.
Her apartment was across from the dorms.
Aside from sleeping with her students (and others she’d pick up on Casual Encounters),
she showed me her toy collection (which was extensive) and gave me a set of binoculars
and asked if I wanted to join her on Saturday night when she liked to watch the kids having
six in their dorm rooms.
I politely declined.
Maybe I made a face or something because she tried to make me feel more comfortable by
asking me if I’d like a drink.
I accepted (normally I’d say no, but I had to ask her something relating to her kids
I don’t remember what).
Anyway, we sit on the couch and she pours me some wine and then says, “I know” with
a big smile.
She stood up.
I got a little nervous.
But then she headed to the piano and started playing Scott Joplin’s Maple Leaf Rag.
And that was that night.
Haven't been a housekeeper in years but we can always tell when your marriage is falling
apart.
The amount of "giving up" is clear.
Once cleaned a house for a woman that worked from home.
It was a huge house and there she was at her desk on the phone...I started cleaning that
area and she chatted away..."Mh'hm.
I got me a white itch cleanin' up after me.
If my mama could see me now.
Yes sir!
She worked for them white folk thirty years.
Imma beat this little white girl like them folk did to my mama."
After saying this she turned in her chair and saw me as I was walking by, as if I just
come into the room.
She had no clue I heard her.I feel where she's coming from but I stopped going to her house....for
obvious reasons.....
That many of them are setting their kids up to fail in life.
When I get a housekeeper I'm just going to come clean and show them where all of the
potentially embarrassing stuff is.
I really don't give a duck and it would probably break the ice.
House cleaner of two clients who are...well...were dating each other.
Guy client (we will call N) has no clue what we know about him, female client (we will
call L) is a little more in the loop of what we know.N apparently cheated on L with a woman
(K) who broke up his previous marriage(s).
L found out and dumped his ats.
He tried to get back together with L even calling and texting multiple times a day.
He did that for two weeks and suddenly went quiet, which clued L that he was sleeping
with K again.I cleaned a few days later and sure enough, Ks shoes were hidden under the
couch (not a usual place).
I didn't realize being in a soap opera was part of the job description.Special note:
N has 3 vibrators.
what the hell does a guy need three vibrators?Short Version: guy client cheated on female client...
twice.
Surprise bilbo's.
Buddy of mine used to clean houses with his mom.
He told me about this one massive mansion they would clean and how there were no mirrors
in the entire house.
There also weren’t a lot of windows and if there were, they had thick drapes.
He met the family only once and told me they were very pale and quiet people.He worked
for ducking vampires
i apologize for bad formatting i’m on mobile.
i don’t know if this still applies but i’m a house cleaner at a five star inn restaurant,
placing 5th in the top 10 best restaurants in the states.
i’ve been working there for about 2 years now and we definitely know when you’ve done
the dirty in the room.
we also know you’ve shaved your massive curly pubes in the shower and somehow managed
to get them into the sink. we also know how much you pay for the room and the way you
treat the room reflects a lot on who you are as a person.EDIT: sorry for the confusion
hahah i work at a restaurant inn, we are a very famous fancy restaurant that also has
rooms for guests and also houses that guests can rent for a few nights.
again sorry for the confusion!
I was cleaning the house of a woman with a young teenager.
His room used to be in the basement but she said he kept sneaking out at night so she
moved him upstairs.
I was cleaning his room and found condoms under his lampshade when I was dusting and
some pictures of a girls fell out of his Harry Potter book.
I know she would have been really upset if she knew.
I never said anything.
That they’ve been in the freezer for the last 3 years.
They did well to hide it but I know both of them are having affairs.
She gets really giddy the week she meets her lover.
She is usually quite dowdy in the way she dresses, but puts on much younger looking
items to meet her man.
The week she doesn't meet him is the week she is more glum but gets bombarded with messages
so she is stuck in her phone.He, on the other hand, he is a lot harder to catch.
I find seemingly innocuous handwritten telephone numbers and names (always female) on scraps
of paper.
He is a professional that works all over the world and travels a lot and has a massive
network so it is part of the job.
However, in his bin, wrapped in tissue paper I'll find a torn off section of paper with
a room number and presumably time written on it.
This method is used with at least 7 different women judging by the different styles of handwriting.
I'm pretty sure he is banging more than that though.
I wasn't exactly a housekeeper but I was cleaning up files at a job that I quit a few years
ago.
Within a week, I found out that the owner never paid any of her bills and used government
funds (that was supposed to go to the adult care center she ran) to buy herself expensive
cars and houses that she shouldn't have been buying in the first place.Update: I hope I
used the correct site but I reported them using the HHS site.
I forgot a lot about the company and I hope that their name and the city and state will
be enough
That she got a DUI.
Typical religious white collar family; husband, wife, and 4 teen kids.
She had one of those at home breathalyzer tests from the court sitting in the master
bathroom, it takes your picture as you blow into it and it sends it to your probation
officer.
I only know because I was on probation a few years ago and had one too.
Curiosity got the best of me and I looked at her public record...yup.
DUI and she messed up on probation too, had another court date.
After that I started noticing 12 step books and such.
I clean for an elderly lady who is still quite sharp and feisty.
She was a Boeing inspector in the 60s and 70s, and stood up to a lot of men in order
to make sure the planes were up to code.
And she did all this as a black woman and a mother.
At some point she divorced and later in life remarried, and cared for her husband as he
developed dementia and eventually passed away.
She tells me about her life without a trace of sentiment, everything is matter of fact
and lighthearted.
But I see the photographs she keeps of her husband all over the house, ones of them together
as well as of him young and handsome in uniform, long before she ever met him when they were
middle-aged.
I know how it is to lose someone to dementia, but I can only imagine it being your spouse.
Sometimes when I call her to confirm that I’m coming over, she sounds deflated and
lonely when she first picks up before she switches into her telephone voice.She’s
never told me how deeply she still loves him or how painful it was to see him slipping
away, how lonely it is living with only his photographs and memories.
How that need for one particular person never goes away.
But even though I can’t know exactly, I know.
Not a housekeeper but a friend did some contractor work.
A client wanted to remove some of the drop ceiling and replace it with drywall.
Well, a few ceiling tiles removed, and falls out a ton of crushed beer cans and used condoms.
The family had a very active teenager.
I always wondered why the bed in the guest bedroom was sometimes slept in (I thought
maybe the dad slept there during arguments) as the toddler mentioned his daddy slept there
sometimes....then I found out that since the couple I housekeep for are Jewish, the dad
sleeps in the guest room for 7 days while the mom is menstruating AND another 7 days
after for the woman to "cleanse herself of impurity", so a total of 2 weeks.
Their six life must suck balls.
I also think Jewish men can't masturbate - so poor dad.
Maybe that's why he's kinda grouchy & doesn't speak or say "good morning/bye" to me when
I leave or arrive.
I'm sure having a 27 year old attractive & fit woman around cleaning makes 37 year old - six
deprived dad think of naughty things.
Not a housekeeper, but a petsitter.
I'm not going through people drawers and sheet, but just being in people's houses has taught
me a lot about how people are.My wealthier clients tend to be extremely unhappy with
their lives.
I've got marriages that are complete shams and spouses who cover up this fact by filling
their home with endless amounts of useless sheet.
These people have so much money that they can just drown their sorrows by hoarding objects
instead of dealing with their actual issues.
Their animals tend to be extremely stand offish or extremely needy, and they're always horribly
untrained.
And this is usually because they buy animals just cause they can.
There's a void and they fill it with an animal that I then take care of for them.My lower
class clients tend to be genuinely happy.
Their houses are usually kind of falling apart and their cars are decades old, but they've
got cute notes around to house to their children or spouses and the layout of their living
/ bedroom is intimate and cozy.
Their animals are decently trained and friendly most of the time.
And this is usually because they devote time and energy into training and loving it rather
than locking it in the backyard with a bowl of water from 9-5.The point I'm making is
mostly about the rich people.
They don't know that I know how secretly unhappy they are.
They don't know that I know that their marriage is failing, their children don't want to come
by to see them anymore, and their trips to moms house are more of a call for help than
a vacation.
Obviously I'm not saying that rich people can't be happy, but my petsitting experiences
have led me to make many, many conclusions about how people with money are generally
less capable of actually fixing the problems in their lives and tend to just bury them
instead.