In this video, I'm gonna be talking
all about the types of phrases
that narcissists use to get in your head.
To try to control you.
To get in your mind.
So that you spot them.
Shut them down to start to shift that dynamic.
Shift that dynamic of power
and take your self back.
Hey there, I'm Rebecca Zung.
I'm an attorney.
I'm a narcissist negotiation expert.
I've written two bestselling books.
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Breaking free a step by step divorce guide.
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Let's talk about phrases that
narcissists use to control you.
There are a lot of different
ones that they use,
but the good news for you is that narcissists
actually do use the same types of
phrases that in all different
sorts of situations.
I mean, one thing I often say
is that they're horrible,
they're heinous,
they're toxic
but it's almost like they use the same playbook.
They are actually pretty predictable
in their behavior.
Are there different types of narcissists?
Absolutely.
There are.
There are Covert Narcissists.
There are Grandiose Narcissists.
There is a malignant narcissist.
And by the way,
if you wanna know more about
Covert Narcissism in relationships.
I do have a whole video on that.
I do believe that Covert Narcissists
are probably the most dangerous
type of narcissist in a lot
of ways because they're the most
difficult to detect.
A lot of times,
they're the stealthiest ones.
They they look kind and sweet
and a lot of times,
they paint themselves as a victim.
Sometimes there's like,
downtrodden,
oh poor me.
You know, they guilt trap people a lot of times
and so a lot of times the converts
are the most difficult ones to spot.
And I actually two that I had to deal with that targeted me were both coverts.
So going back to phrases that
narcissists used to control you.
One of them
or no one else understands
you the way that I do.
No one else will deal with you.
You know basically, try to make you feel
like you're so disgusting,
repulsive,
horrible,
whatever in some way that you might
as well not go anywhere else because
they're the only ones who can
you know, manage you,
handle you,
like you,
love you,
whatever.
But yet, somehow they love you.
They like you.
They deal with you.
They manage you.
But you know, you might as well
stick with them because they do.
But it's like kind of messed up
because why do they stick with you
and like you and love you or whatever.
It kinda defies logic
but yet, that is something that they often will say.
You know, so it's sort of like to get you to
stay because if you go anywhere else.
You're gonna be rejected.
You'll be alone.
You'll be isolated.
So you might as well stick with
this person who's basically
mentally,
psychologically, and spiritually abusing you.
So that's number one.
Number two
Like basically to try to get you to
believe that whatever it is
that you think is just stupid,
dumb, ridiculous,
not based in reality.
If you're trying to make a point to them
about something that you
think usually about something about them.
They'll try to use this collective
who the hell knows who.
You don't even know who everyone else is
or no one else is.
But these you know,
nebulous whoever's don't agree with you.
They all agree with the narcissist,
whoever these people are.
But it's it's meant to try to make you feel bad.
It's meant to try to make you feel like your
opinion is completely discredited,
invalidated means nothing
and therefor, you shouldn't have it because
you know, whoever t heir flying monkeys are.
they all are lined up with them and against you.
So that's another kind of phrase
that narcissists used to control you.
Another type of phrase that narcissists use to
control you and there are gonna be several of these.
By the way, I do have a whole video on
How to shut down gaslighting.
Which you should definitely check out.
As well.
But so these are the types
of phrases that narcissists
will use to make you think that you're crazy
because gaslighting is meant
to make you think that you're crazy.
It's meant to make you feel like whatever
it is that you're thinking isn't true.
To make you question your mind.
To make you question your reality.
To make you question what it is that you
believe that you saw
or you heard or what you're seeing isn't
what you're seeing or what you're hearing isn't
what you're hearing or what the conversation
is that you believe took place isn't
what you took place.
Your feelings aren't your feelings.
That's what gaslighting is.
So they will say things in
a gaslighting realm such as
you're over sensitive.
So you're over sensitive is to
invalidate your feelings.
So if you are feeling hurt,
about something that took place
then they'll say you're over sensitive.
You shouldn't be heard about that.
That's meant to invalidate your feelings.
Another gaslighting phrase is
something like we talked about that
and this is what we agreed to.
You agreed to this.
Don't you remember?
And you'll be like, we didn't agree to that.
We never had that conversation.
We agreed to this or that
conversation never took place at all.
They will change the details of a conversation,
or they'll basically say that
you agreed to something that
never took place whatsoever.
That's total gaslighting.
You'll say you said this and
they'll say I never said that.
I never said that at all.
Again, that's gaslighting.
They'll say things like you're delusional
when you're trying to say something
about how something took place
or how you're you're feeling about something
or your perception of
something that's happening.
You're delusional.
I mean, that's totally meant to just say,
you're crazy.
I mean, that's straight up gas lighting.
Straight up gaslighting.
You know, if you see text message
between somebody and a coworker.
You know, maybe it's your husband
and a coworker that looks
flirtatious or something and
you know, it doesn't look totally appropriate.
You're just jealous and then it turns
out maybe you weren't just jealous.
Maybe there was something
going on between them.
That's all gaslighting.
Those are all gaslighting types of phrases.
You know, they're designed to
make you think that you're crazy.
Another type of gaslighting is in conversation where
you're trying to have a conversation with them
and you'll say,
‘‘I wanna talk to you about.’’
You know, these text messages that I saw
and they'll say,
‘‘why are you bringing that up now?’’
and you say,
‘‘when would be a good time?’’
And they'll say,’
‘‘oh, I don't I don't like your tone.’’
Well, I I didn't raise my voice.
Yes, you did.
You just raised your voice.
And now now I can't talk to you because
you're raising your voice at me.
And and and now you you can't get to the point
of it because they keep interrupting you about that.
Oh, now you just interrupted me.
Oh, now it's about this.
Oh, now it's about that
and you can never get to the
actual point of the conversation
because they keep talking about other things.
And you know, they'll bring up something else
or they'll bring up something else
or they'll bring up something else.
Again, you know project,
deflect,
lie,
deny.
If you've seen any of this so far,
I'd love to see it totally
in the comments because I'm sure
that you guys have seen some of this so far.
Okay and then the next kinds of phrases that narcissists
will use to control you
Guilt trip phrases.
And you would definitely see
this with Covert Narcissists.
This is so much.
You know, because of the victim mentality
with Covert Narcissists.
I mean,
this is the one thing that you
always see with Covert Narcissists,
and I have a whole video on
the one thing you always see with Covert Narcissists.
You should definitely check it out.
So Guilt trip phrases.
This is like especially if you
try to leave a covert narcissist.
You try to leave a narcissist.
you know they might try to say things like
‘‘I would die if you leave or don't leave the family.’’
‘‘I would commit suicide if you
leave or you can't leave the family.’’
‘‘Oh, I can't believe you're
spending time over there.’’
‘‘I can't believe you
wouldn't be with the family.’’
And so they'll try to guilt trip you.
You know, so that you don't do the
kinds of things that you wanna do
they'll try to make you feel bad about having a life
or doing other things or that
and so they will use phrases
like that to try to guilt tribute back
into doing the things
that they want you to do.
That's a little bit more
passive aggressive and
you know, you will see passive aggressive
types of phrases from especially Covert Narcissists.
You know, like you know, you've lost weight,
but, you know, you still have ways to go,
things like that, passive aggressive
types of things from covert narcissists.
It's like not so nice kinds of things.
Like, they try to say nice things,
but then it ends up not being so nice.
You know, that sort of thing
but that's not phrases used to control you.
Those are just passive
aggressive types of things,
but that's another whole story.
But this video and this podcast is really
focused on the phrases that
narcissist use to control you.
If you have seen any of this.
Give me a ‘‘TOTALLY!’’ in the comments.
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They only win if you give in
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