(upbeat music)
- We're going to murder him though, right?
- Yeah.
- I mean we found the poison,
we found everything we were looking for.
Why are we dithering around?
(clears throat)
- Oh, Katie, what happened?
- I just got in a stupid car accident
because stupid mercury's in retrograde.
- You don't really believe that nonsense, do ya?
- Yeah, it's a proven thing
that really make people's lives difficult.
- That's ridiculous.
It kind of seems like you're at fault
and you're just trying to avoid taking responsibility.
- Yeah.
- You weren't there, how would you know?
- If you were more practical and responsible,
you'd be a little bit more like me,
a virgo.
- Hold on, you think your sign actually matters?
- Yeah that just as bad as mercury in retrograde over here.
- Why am I so responsible then, geniuses?
- That's just how you are.
Sorry to be so blunt,
but that's how people talk where I'm from, Texas.
(spitting)
- Not everyone from Texas is blunt.
Maybe, you're just a little rude, dude.
- Nah man, I was born and bred in the Lone Star State.
(spitting)
- I'm surprised you believe that, Zack.
I'm way too logical for that because I am an INTP
on the Meyer-Briggs.
- You think you're more logical than us
just because of some stupid test?
- Besides, you're definitely ISFP and not INTP.
I can tell because I have super strong feminine intuition.
- Oh, because you're a woman, you magically know things.
What the fuck is this bullshit
you're spewing all over the place?
Don't look at me like that.
I'm allowed to have a tantrum
every once and a while, alright.
I got this Italian temper.
- You're hardly Italian.
- I am Italian.
- Okay, I can tell because I have a blue aura.
- Your aura? I mean come on,
I don't believe any of this spiritual bullshit
because I was born on a Wednesday.
(spitting)
- What does Wednesday have to do with anything?
As a universal blood donor...
- Oh, please, more like schmuniversal schood schmonor.
I have an outie belly button.
- Oh, Jesus Christ!
I can't take it anymore,
you people are acting like lunatics.
Mercury has nothing to do with you.
You're stupid so you're going to act stupidly regardless.
- Come on.
- Your astrological sign is meaningless, just like you.
And this is the first I've even heard of you being Italian.
- Mama mia.
- Texas is as shitty as all the other states,
you're not special.
(spitting)
- The Meyers-Briggs, every time you take the test
it comes up different.
And what the fuck is an aura?
- It's energy.
- And did I really just here you say
that you have an outie belly button?
What the fuck does that have to do with anything?
- It's just the only interesting thing about me.
(sad music)
- I'm sorry.
- Wow Grant, that was really insightful.
I mean I'm hurt that you said I was stupid,
but you know, other than that.
- Thank you so much.
My patronus is a mountain hare
so I'm really good at giving powerful speeches.
(yelling)
- Hi, it's Katie Marovitch from College Humor.
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