Hey everybody! Happy monday.
Today I want to share some things I wish everyone knew or understood about therapists.
Too often, I feel like being a therapist causes people to make assumptions.
Thinking that I should be acting one way or that it's wrong if I do something else.
Some of these assumptions are true, but some are completely inaccurate and wrong.
So let's get into some of the things I wish everyone knew about therapists.
Number one
I am not just a therapist living in a box waiting for my patients to arrive.
About a year or two ago
I got a new tattoo on my right rib cage and I posted a short video of it being done on my Instagram.
I received and deleted so many comments from people acting appalled that a therapist would get a tattoo.
I'm, sorry, what?
Does being a therapist mean that I don't have a life of my own?
Do I have to look and act a certain way in order to be a therapist?
The truth is that all therapists are people and all people are different.
There are therapists who are suits to work.
And are very dry and always professional.
And there are also therapists who wear casual clothes or flowy dresses and sit cross-legged while they talk to you.
That's what my old therapist did.
While there are some ethical and legal boundaries around what we can say and do with our patients like
For one example, it's illegal to have a romantic relationship with a therapist and patient.
Can't do that.
And we shouldn't be available to our patients all the time,
you know, hello healthy boundaries,
but therapists can just be who they are.
That's why it's important that we all find a therapist
we like and feel comfortable with.
If we want someone who's more professional and stuffy because that feels better to us personally,
Go find that therapist!
If we want someone who's more casual, maybe they cuss a lot, wear jeans. So be it!
It's all about you finding the right fit for you.
And every therapist is going to be different.
number two
We cannot work harder than our patients do.
I talked about this on a recent
I don't know if it's a patreon live stream or my maybe my podcast, ask Katie anything.
Either way. I thought it was important to add it in here.
The goal of therapy is to learn tools techniques and better understand ourselves.
We as patients have to do the work in our own life to make that happen. A therapist can't do it for us.
That's why we can't as therapists work harder than our patients do.
It'll end up not helping but instead hindering our patients' growth.
What we're supposed to do is meet you where you're at
and challenge you to make the changes that you're wanting to make.
Which means that if you're doing your therapy homework,
you're showing up for your sessions,
and you're really trying to make some positive change for yourself,
then I'm gonna do my part.
I'm gonna find workbooks, worksheets that I think could help you.
Maybe i'm gonna take some continuing education courses
focused on your particular issue,
or perhaps I'll consult with some other colleagues of mine
to get their helpful insight into something that maybe I don't know that much about.
We're both holding up our end of the therapeutic relationship and putting in the effort.
I can't make you do better in your life.
Therefore if you aren't putting in the work,
no amount of work that I put in is going to change that.
I can't make it better for you.
We have to both be working together towards your goals.
That's what makes therapy effective.
Next, just because we're therapists doesn't mean we're responsible for everyone.
About a year ago someone on Instagram, I don't even know who he is. I don't remember his name,
I've never met him in real life.
But he sent his followers after me
because
I didn't answer his dm about his boyfriend's issues.
What a horrible therapist I was, he said.
Like what the actual fuck?
I was so pissed and just annoyed.
Just because i'm a therapist doesn't mean I have to get back to you.
I'm, not your therapist. I don't owe you anything.
And I know I know this kind of sounds harsh.
But being a therapist does not make you responsible for everyone's mental health issues.
That may be hard to hear, but I am only responsible for my patients and their well-being.
And that's why I'm always recommending that you find someone in your own area.
I mean really if you think about it,
can you even imagine how ridiculous it would be if becoming a therapist meant you're responsible for everyone?
That's just not reasonable or feasible and no one would want to be a therapist if that was the case.
Unless you've seen someone in their office,
filled out all the proper paperwork and there's what we call informed consent.
Which really just means that you know your rights, what can be expected from therapy, the risks, the rules, etc.
Unless that's happened, They're not responsible for you.
Hello, healthy professional boundaries.
Okay. Now next, a therapist can't, quote unquote, fix your problems.
Too often people seem to think that the hard part is finding a therapist
and that once you do,
all your problems go away. Now, that would be awesome.
But unfortunately, it's just not the case.
Kind of going back to my second point, we can't make you do better or feel better.
We can only listen, not judge and help support and guide you as you work towards your goals in life.
If i'm being honest,
I wish, oh my God. I wish so hard we had a magic bullet, you know, that would like fix everyone's problems.
Wouldn't that be nice, but we don't.
And although I know finding a therapist can be difficult,
the real work doesn't begin until we are actually in therapy challenging ourselves to do better.
And finally, being a therapist
doesn't mean our lives are perfect.
I know I say this all the time, but I thought it was important to mention here.
Just because we know better, doesn't mean we do better. And if i'm being honest,
some people get into the mental health space for the wrong reasons.
Meaning that a good mental health professional will get into this career path
because they want to help people and they love working with others.
Bad mental health professionals get into this line of work
to figure out and possibly fix their own shit.
That is not right.
We should be, as therapists, in our own therapy figuring out our own shit first, or at least at the same time.
Our patients therapy time should be for them only.
Not a time for us to try to figure out why we're struggling
or why we keep getting into these relationships, or whatever.
Yes, a therapist does have a better understanding of ways to communicate effectively
or what the signs are that someone's a narcissist, for example.
But we still have to put in the work and use those insights.
Just knowing doesn't change anything.
It's in the doing that we improve.
And overall, just know that therapists are people too.
We may have a better understanding of some things
and have gone through intensive training in order to help people.
But that doesn't mean that we can fix everyone's problems
or that we're responsible for making that happen.
We're just people who enjoy working with others and helping them make positive changes in their lives.
I hope you found this video interesting and maybe you even learnt something new.
There are so many myths and misconceptions around what it means to be a therapist
and I just wanted to set the record straight.
As always, feel free to leave any other thoughts or myths that you've heard in those comments down below.
And I will see you next time. Bye!
You