If your marriage is on its absolute last breath and you desperately want to save it,
then this video is for you. Hello, YouTube! It’s Brad Browning
here… I’m a marriage coach from Vancouver, Canada, and I’ve been teaching men and women how to use
science and rationality to rebuild their marriages for over 10 years! I know, it’s been a long time.
And throughout my coaching experience, I’ve learned that there isn’t a “one size fits all”
solution to all marital problems… but there are foundational issues that most couples can address
to rebuild a stronger, more resilient marriage… no matter how bad the situation is.
So in this video, I’m going to outline 11 foundational issues that you can address
right now to re-spark your marriage… even if its back is against the ropes. Let’s begin!
1.) Avoid spiraling out of control by making sure you ALWAYS stay focused
on your own wellbeing. Usually when a marriage is backed into a corner,
people begin struggling to cope with their own lives. It can begin affecting your work,
your health, your sleep, or your mood. And when this happens, it can only make matters worse for
you AND your partner… and this can start a vicious cycle that will be difficult to end.
So in order to really begin improving your marriage, you’re going to have to make sure
that your OWN life isn’t spiraling out of control… because if it is, it could produce more problems
that will further exacerbate the existing issues you’re facing in your marriage.
It’s also important to remember that as much as you want to blame your partner for the
problems that are plaguing your marriage, keep in mind that you are 50% of this relationship.
So it only makes sense to ensure that you’re doing whatever you can to be your best self possible….
Because it will make future compromises, arguments, and resolutions far easier.
2.) Come up with a list of issues that need to be addressed and write them down.
If you don’t have a plan to save your marriage, it’s not going to happen on its own. What you
need to do is come up with a solid, actionable plan to make that fantasy a reality. That starts
with acknowledging and addressing the problems that are plaguing your relationship.
Come up with a thorough list of all the issues that you think are present in your marriage.
Once they’re written down, come up with possible solutions to those problems and write THOSE down
as well. See which solutions you can begin working on today… and better yet, if your spouse wants to
participate in this little exercise, they’re more than welcome to join in. Comparing lists will
help you contextualize what are the problems that you can both start working on together.
Do your best to be as thorough and comprehensive as possible. If you’re annoyed that your spouse
leaves their dirty laundry on the bed, write it down as well. By the end of this exercise, you’ll
be better equipped to begin taking action to help fix the bleeding and turn your marriage around.
3.) Prioritize what you want to work on in the relationship.
Using the list you’ve just created, begin prioritizing what you need to
work on first. Obviously my ‘dirty laundry’ example wouldn’t be near the top… I mean,
I hope it wouldn’t be! …But you’ll want to address the core problems that are plaguing your
relationship first. Then, on your own, prioritize THREE possible solutions to each issue.
So for example, say that a lack of quality time spent together is plaguing your relationship…
you could come up with an actionable plan to address this by booking a small
trip together. Or you could think about a hobby that you two genuinely enjoy together
and making it special… so for example, if you both like hiking,
plan an overnight hiking trip you’ve always been talking about.
Of course, the solution may not always be so simple and it might take some time to
find what will work for you… but the alternative of doing nothing,
I can assure you, will only make matters worse for you... so give this a shot!
4.) Make sure you remain positive. The more negative and bitter you become, the less likely
your partner is going to want to talk to you and work things out in your marriage. I mean,
this is obvious… but it’s a crucial strategy to put in place when your marriage is on the line.
And the great thing about this is that this is something you can do ON YOUR OWN,
right now! You don’t need your husband or wife’s help in this… you can start
immediately, right after watching this video.
I know that this will be hard, especially if
there’s a ton of pent-up stress and tension between you and your spouse,
but things aren’t going to turn around by being bitter and pessimistic. Right now,
you have to make a stand and force yourself to appreciate all the good things about your spouse.
Once you begin thinking positively about your spouse again, your behavior and actions will be
easier to change as well… and hopefully, once your partner begins seeing these behavioral changes,
they’ll change their behavior too.
Furthermore, you’ll want to try and avoid emotional, angry outbursts. Again,
I realize this is easier said than done, but the higher the hostility is, the more likely
it is that you or your spouse will say something regrettable… and this can cause immense damage
between the two of you. So for the sake of your marriage, do your best to control your emotions.
If you seem like you’re having problems with this, try meditating,
breathing exercises, or go for a run… do whatever you need to do to let off that steam
so that steam isn’t let out in front of your partner.
5.) Seek advice. You don’t necessarily have to get marriage counselling (although that should
be an option if your spouse is open to it). But you’ll want to make sure that you’re addressing
the problems you’re facing logically. If your solutions are flawed, your outcomes are also
going to be flawed. Do your best to find some good resources online and see if you
can fine-tune your plan of action so you’ll have the best chance of saving your marriage today.
I’m not going to lie, people who have signed up for my online personal coaching program
have had incredible success in saving their marriages. Like I’ve said, I’ve had over 10 years
of marriage-saving experience, and my team and I will be able to create a custom-made plan for you.
For more information on how you can register for my online coaching program to ensure you’re doing
everything you can to save your marriage, just head on over to MarriageGuy.com/coaching. That’s
MarriageGuy.com/coaching… and you can head on over there right after this video is complete. Trust
me, I’ve saved thousands of marriages and I am positive that I can have some impact in yours too.
6.) Try and put more energy into the good things that are keeping your marriage together.
People always focus on the negative things when things are awry. However,
by putting more time and energy into the things that are positive,
you can change the complexion of the situation without too much issue.
For example, if the sex life in your marriage is great, double down on it. Have even BETTER
sex with your spouse and please them like you’ve never pleased anyone before.
If you’re good at supporting your spouse emotionally, double down on THAT and make
sure that your spouse knows that they’re fully supported throughout this difficult time.
Of course when things are bad, several other areas of your marriage will inevitably suffer
(even the good things), but do your best to find that silver lining and grasp
on to it… trust me, the good parts of your marriage will be
glue that pushes you two forward into a happier and healthier relationship.
7.) Listen and act when your spouse tells you something. Has your spouse complained
about something small in the past? Maybe you don’t do the dishes enough… or maybe you don’t
help the kids enough with their homework. Try and think back to a request that your partner
has asked of you and do your best to swallow your pride and get to it. Make it known to your spouse
that you’re making an effort to do so… and watch as your partner begins making an effort as well.
Again, this is one of those things that you can do on your own WITHOUT your partner’s help. And while
this small gesture might not save your marriage on your own, doing a LOT of small gestures
definitely does add up and I guarantee you that your spouse will notice and appreciate it.
8.) Focus on having better arguments. Heated discussions and arguments will always rear
their ugly heads in marriages – they’re part of the deal when you signed up to
marry your spouse! And how you conduct these disputes will make or break your marriage.
Right now, you’re probably arguing with your spouse a lot if your marriage is on the rocks…
so if this is the case, then improving how you argue with your spouse is going to have
a massive improvement in how likely you are to work things out and prevent divorce.
Like I said earlier, maintaining your cool is going to be paramount to having better,
healthier conversations with your partner.
Yelling, screaming, and hysterics are obviously not going to work… and you really have to be
mindful of this. I know that I have a tendency of raising my voice without ever realizing it…
and you might be as well. So again, pay EXTRA attention to the complexion of your arguments
and how you’re speaking, and I guarantee you that the temperature will be a lot cooler.
Second, try using the words “I” instead of “you”. I’ve said this in other videos before,
but by reframing your arguments in a way that makes it seem like you’re
NOT accusing your spouse of wrongdoing will improve how your discussions are conducted.
Third, try taking breaks during your argument… but ONLY if you have your partner’s consent.
Leaving an argument halfway through unannounced will only make matters worse.
So if you feel like you and your spouse are at an impasse, try asking your spouse if you can
take a breather… and then PROMISE him or her that you’ll resume the argument later. Again,
when emotions are high, you’re more likely to do or say something that you’ll regret,
so taking a break from the argument will allow you BOTH to cool off.
These are just a handful of tactics that I outline in my patented “Dispute Defusing System”… if you
want to learn more about how you can make sure that you and your spouse have BETTER
arguments and infuse your relationship with that intense connection and desire that’s been lost,
just head on over to MarriageGuy.com and watch that free guide there.
Again, that’s MarriageGuy.com and you can head over there after watching this video.
9.) Try and think about all the flaws that you’re willing to overlook in your spouse.
Remember that nobody is perfect and that is obviously true about you and your partner. I
know you’ve probably made amends about the flaws in your partner long ago when you married them,
but now it’s time to come to accept any new, minor flaws that you’ve discovered and accept them.
Keep in mind that your partner is ALSO accepting you for all of your flaws as well.
This is something to be absolutely grateful for – I mean, your spouse is willing to love
and accept you for ALL of your downfalls, and that is something that not everyone can do.
Thinking about these things will help you be more understanding when dealing with
the things that annoy you about your spouse.
10.) Don’t ever play the victim. It’ll be really easy to say things like,
“You always do THIS to me!”
Even if you legitimately are somewhat of a victim, this isn’t the right way to treat
the situation… and your spouse isn’t going to respond well to you thinking it’s all THEIR fault.
Instead, you will have to approach this situation with a little bit more tact.
Again, avoiding using the word “you” here. Try saying something like,
“Sometimes I feel like I’m being pressured to be someone I’m not when I’m around your friends.”
See how adjusting a few words here and there can make a huge impact on how a message is received?
Any time you feel the urge to play the victim,
take a moment to try and reframe what you’re about to say into something more palatable.
11.) And finally, make sure you’re always learning new strategies and tactics to save your marriage.
Marriage is a difficult, full time job that can be one of the most rewarding things in the world if
done right. If done poorly, it can be a nightmare as you might already know. Even the best marriages
in the world require time, care, and hard work… and you need to constantly be working at it.
Like I said at the beginning of this video, I’ve spent over 10 years helping people revitalize
their marriages… and, not to brag TOO much, but I’ve been
incredibly good at it. In fact I’ve put up a pretty good “how to” guide on my website
to help you learn more about how you can make your spouse fall in love with you
all over again. I mentioned that URL earlier, but if you have a chance, go check it out right now.
The URL to that video is MarriageGuy.com. So head on over there right now
AFTER you give this video a quick like! So that just about does it for this video here.
If you have any questions or comments, leave them below and I’ll definitely try my best to get back
to you. Or…If you have a suggestion for what video topic you’d like me to do, just drop that down
below as well! Thanks so much for your support, likes, comments, and views! Talk to you guys soon.