Holidays with narcissists are just so fun. Just kidding. Actually, they're no fun at
all. And their gift-giving tendencies can even be more revealing than they might want
you to think. So, by the end of this video, you're going to know what some gifts are that
you might receive from a narcissist that are red flags, that are letting you know that
that person, you think you're in a relationship with, may not be what you think.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung and I've been recognized as one of the top 1% of attorneys in the country.
And I've written two best-selling books, Negotiate Like You M.A.T.T.E.R. and Breaking Free, A
Step-By-Step Divorce Guide. And I tell you all of this, because I want you to know that
I have helped millions of people in situations just like yours, where they're dealing with
toxic personalities, difficult personalities, people who are just so hard to deal with,
and I've taught them step by step guidance on how to get out of these relationships by
negotiating your way to your best life. And so if all that sounds really good to you,
then go ahead and hit subscribe and hit that notification bell. And that way you'll get
notified when I upload new videos. So, let's talk about the gift-giving season with that
narcissist in your life. Or maybe it's just a red flag, that you kind of suspecting that
person may be a narcissist. These are the red flags that will tell you, "Yeah, this
definitely is a person, that maybe I don't want to be spending the rest of my life with."
So, the first thing that they might give you is exercise equipment. I actually had one
of my cousins, her now ex husband, gave her an abdominizer for one of her birthdays. This
is a long time ago. I don't even think that thing exists anymore. But if they're giving
you some kind of exercise equipment, then they might be telling you, "Maybe you could
look a little bit better. Maybe you need to lose a little bit of weight." Something like
that. It's like a subtle little message. It's like, "Here's a gift." And also a dig and
a devalue. So, if you're getting some kind of a gym membership or a Peloton, or something
like that, maybe it's exactly what you wanted, but also maybe it isn't, and maybe it's a
little subtle, devaluing dig that the narcissist is giving to you. And if you want to know
about narcissistic devaluing, check out my video on narcissistic devaluing and you can
learn all about the different phases of a narcissistic relationship there.
And the second gift from that precious little gift-giver is tickets to a concert that is
their favorite artist, or maybe it's a gift certificate to their favorite restaurant,
not yours or something around, "Here's a gift for you, I get to come with you. And it's
really my favorite thing to do." Something like that. So, if you get something like that,
it's sort of like this subtle, "I don't really want to have to give you a gift." Narcissist
don't really like having to give gifts. They like to ... they sort of feel like you're
making me do something that I don't want to have to do.
Remember that they're two-year-olds in adult bodies. So, they feel obstinant, "I don't
want to have to do this. Nobody else should have anything. I should be the one with the
attention. I should be the one who's getting gifts. I don't want to have to do anything
for anybody else. If I have to do something for someone else, it's going to be the bare
minimum. And it's going to be as little skin off my back as possible. So, why not give
a gift that I at least get some benefit out of too?" So, that's kind of like the thinking
around that. And number three is framed photos of themselves.
And this kind of goes in ... it helps them in a couple of different ways. One is obviously
you would want a framed photo of just them, but number two is then you have to display
it. And then everybody gets to see how much you adore and adulate and love this person.
So, it is like a twofold gift that way, because now you get this picture of this person and
you have to display it. And everybody else gets to see the picture of this person out
in your house, or your room or wherever as well.
And number four is something off the sale rack or the clearance rack. Because remember,
as I said, they don't really want to have to give you a gift. Like this is something
that they know they have to do. So they ... if it's a birthday or it's a holiday or something
like that, then they'll do the bare minimum. They know they have to show up with something
as they don't want to look bad, but if they can get something that looks like it was expensive,
like it came from the right store, the right place. But they actually didn't have to really
spend that much money for it, that's even better, because now they've, and they kind
of delight in that a little bit, like, "Look at this, like I'm ... I don't have to really
spend that much money on this person. And I get credit for giving a gift."
They don't think about the fact like, "Oh, let me find something that's really going
to make this person happy. Let me listen to what it was that they loved. Oh, I heard them
mention one time that they really liked this thing. Let me go back and find it. This will
make them happy." There's none of that, they don't get any pleasure from seeing others
happy. Like that's the last thing that they want. They don't want to see anybody else
happy, because they just want that satisfaction for themselves. And if you think narcissists
are so selfish, give me a so selfish in the comments.
So, the next thing that they might give you is something that isn't even in your size
and it might be a piece of clothing or something like that, but it's not your size. And this
might happen because first of all, they maybe don't even care what size you actually are.
They haven't taken the time to look, or maybe they didn't even take the time to look at
whatever it was that they were picking out because they were just so quickly trying to
spend as little time, as little money and as little effort as possible in this.
Or, it might be some little subtle message like, "I'm going to ... you're a tiny petite,
but I'm going to give you a large, because I'm going to give myself the opportunity to
devalue you and make you think that I think that you're fat and kind of give me an opportunity
to call you something without actually saying it." So, giving you something, that's not
your size, something like that, because they love passive aggressiveness, especially the
covert narcissist. And if you want to know more about how covert narcissist attack, check
out my video on, The Attack of the Covert Narcissist, but passive aggression is definitely
one of their favorite things to do. So, by giving you something that's not quite your
size, there's a little passive aggressive opportunity to dig at you.
And the next one is, a promise of a gift in the future. Narcissists are future fakers.
If you want to know more about that, check out my video on Future Faking, but they might
even just show up with nothing for you at all and say, "Oh, it's because I have no money.
I didn't have time. I tried to order something online, it didn't work." Some other lie, or
whatever it is. And so they just show up with nothing, but, but you are supposed to be so
enamored by the fact that they're going to give you something in the future, that they
will do something for you. "Amazing coming up, next week we'll do this, or next month
you'll have this. When this money comes in, I'll get you that."
And that's supposed to be your fantastic gift. The truth of the matter is, even if they have
no money at all, they could certainly write you a nice letter or do something for you
... rub your feet, like little coupons for things that they can do for you, or something
like that, some kind of effort, or thought put into the situation. But if it's just a
promise of something in the future, that could be a really big red flag.
The next one is re-gifting a gift from someone else. I actually saw this happen to someone
where this person received a gift of a belt buckle and a belt that this person was obviously
a re-gift and they didn't even take the time to notice that the belt didn't fit into the
buckle. Because they were just so into, "I'm just going to re-gift this thing and therefore,
I spent no time, no money and no effort and I hopefully get the credit for getting this
person a gift." And the last one, drum roll please, is something that they know that you
hate. How great is that for passive aggression? "You hate chocolate. Well, here's a big, massive
box of Godiva chocolates for you." Fabulous. "You know, I hate chocolate." Oh no, I didn't
like ... you don't like my gift for you. Oh my gosh. I spent so much time. I spent so
much money. Oh my God." And now they, poor babies become the victims
because you don't appreciate them. And it all becomes about that. And so don't you dare
try to bring up the fact, why would you get me something that you know, that I hate? Right?
So there they are the deers. If you get any of these gifts during the holidays, then it
may be a red flag that that person that you're with might be a narcissist. So, if you are
getting ready to negotiate with a narcissist, grab my free Crush My Negotiation prep worksheet,
you can get it at winmynegotiation.com and come join me in my free private Facebook group,
Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung. If you like this video, give it a like, share
it out. There's other people out there who are getting these fabulous gifts from the
narcissist, make sure that they get it. They can share it and watch it too, and make sure
that you subscribe, you hit the notification bell and also drop me a comment. I'm so glad
that you stopped by my channel today. And I wish you all the best. If you are getting
any of these gifts from narcissist, time to maybe think about moving on. So, and here
I am helping you to negotiate your best life. And I will see you in the next video.