on the red tiles in my family's den I
would dance and sing to the
made-for-tv-movie gypsy starring bette
midler I had a tree a wonderful dream
papa
I would sing it with the urgency and the
burning desire of a nine year old who
did in fact have a dream my dream was to
be an actress and it's true that that I
never saw anyone who looked like me and
television or in films and sure my
family and friends and teachers all
constantly warned me that people like me
didn't make it in Hollywood but I was an
American I had been taught to believe
that anyone could achieve anything
regardless of the color of their skin
the fact that my parents emigrated from
Honduras the fact that I had no money I
didn't need my dream to be easy I just
needed it to be possible and when I was
15 I got my first professional audition
it was a commercial for cable
subscriptions or bail bonds I don't
really remember but what I do remember
is that the casting director asked me
could you do that again but just this
time sound more latina
okay so you want me to do it in Spanish
I asked no no do it in English just
sound latina well I am a Latina so isn't
this what a Latina sounds like there was
a long and awkward silence and then
finally okay sweetie never mind thank
you for coming in bye it took me most of
the car ride home to realize
that by sound more latina she was asking
me to speak in broken English and I
couldn't figure out why the fact that I
was an actual real-life authentic latina
didn't really seem to matter anyway I
didn't get the job I didn't get a lot of
the jobs people were willing to see me
for the gangbangers girlfriend the sassy
shoplifter pregnant chola and number two
these were the kinds of roles that
existed for someone like me someone they
looked at and saw as too Brown too fats
too poor too unsophisticated these roles
were stereotypes and and couldn't have
been further from my own reality or from
the roles I dreamt of playing I wanted
to play people who were complex and
multi-dimensional people who existed in
the center of their own lives not
cardboard cutouts that stood in the
background of someone else's but when I
dared to say that to my manager that's
the person I pay to help me find
opportunity his response was someone has
to tell that girl she has unrealistic
expectations and he wasn't wrong I mean
I fired him but he wasn't wrong
because because whatever I did try to
get a role that wasn't a poorly written
stereotype I would hear we're not
looking to cast this role diverse ly or
we love her but she's to specifically
ethnic or unfortunately we already have
one Latino in this movie I kept
receiving the same message again and
again and again that my identity was an
obstacle I had to overcome and so I
thought come at me obstacle I'm an
American my name is America I trained my
whole life for this I'll just follow the
PlayBook I'll work harder and so I did I
worked my hardest to overcome all the
things that people said were wrong with
me I stayed out of the Sun so that my
skin wouldn't get too Brown I
straightened my curls into submission I
constantly tried to lose weight I bought
fancier and more expensive clothes all
so that when people looked at me they
wouldn't see a - fat - brown - poor
latina they would see what I was capable
of and maybe they would give me a chance
and in an ironic twist of fate when I
finally did get a role that would make
all my dreams come true it was a role
that required me to be exactly who I was
Ana in real women have curves was a
brown poor fat latina I had never seen
anyone like her anyone like me existing
in the center of her own life story
I traveled throughout the US and to
multiple countries with this film where
people regardless of their age ethnicity
body type saw themselves in Ana
a 17-year old chubby mexican-american
girl struggling against cultural norms
to fulfill her unlikely dream in spite
of what I had been told my whole life I
saw firsthand that people actually did
want to see stories about people like me
and and that my unrealistic expectations
to see myself authentically represented
in the culture were other people's
expectations to real women have curves
was a critical cultural and financial
success great I thought we did it we
proved our stories have value things are
going to change now but I watched as
very little happens there was no
watershed no one in the industry was
rushing to tell more stories about about
the audience that was hungry and and
willing to pay to see them four years
later when I got to play Ugly Betty I
saw the same phenomenon play out Ugly
Betty premiered in the u.s. to 16
million viewers and was nominated for 11
Emmys in its first year but in spite of
Ugly Betty success there would not be
another television show led by a latina
actress on American television for eight
years it's been 12 years since I became
the first and only Latina to ever win an
Emmy in a lead category that is not a
point of pride that is a point of deep
frustration not because Awards prove our
worth
but because who we see thriving in the
world teaches us how to see ourselves
how to think about our own value how to
dream about our futures
and anytime I begin to doubt that I
remember that there was a little girl
living in the Swat Valley of Pakistan
and somehow she got her hands on some
DVDs of an American television show in
which she saw her own dream of becoming
a writer reflected in her autobiography
Malala wrote I'd become interested in
journalism after seeing how my own words
could make a difference and also from
watching the Ugly Betty DVDs about life
at an American magazine for 17 years of
my career I have witnessed the power our
voices have when they can access
presence in the culture I've seen it
I've lived it we've all seen it in
entertainment in politics in business
and social change we cannot deny it
presence creates possibility but for the
last 17 years I've also heard the same
excuses for why some of us can access
presence in the culture and some of us
can't our stories don't have an audience
our experiences won't resonate in the
mainstream our voices are too big a
financial risk just a few years ago my
agent called to explain to me why I
wasn't getting a role in a movie
he said they loved you and they really
really do want to cast diverse Lee but
the movie isn't financeable until they
cast the white role first
he delivered the message with a broken
heart and with the tone that
communicated I understand how messed up
this is but nonetheless just like
hundreds of times before I felt the
tears rolled down my face and the pain
of rejection rise
up in me and then the voice of shame
scolding me you are a grown woman stop
crying over a job I went through this
process for years of accepting the
failure as my own and then feeling deep
shame that I couldn't overcome the
obstacles but this time I heard a new
voice a voice that said I'm tired I've
had enough
a voice that understood my tears and my
pain were not about losing a job they
were about what was actually being said
about me what had been said about me my
whole life by executives and producers
and directors and writers and agents and
managers and teachers and friends and
family that I was a person of less value
I thought sunscreen and straightening
irons would bring about change in this
deeply entrenched value system but what
I realized in that moment was that I was
never actually asking the system to
change
I was asking it to let me in and those
aren't the same thing
I couldn't change what a system believed
about me while I believed what the
system believed about me and I did I
like everyone around me believed that it
wasn't possible for me to exist in my
dream as I was and I went about trying
to make myself invisible what this
revealed to me was that it is possible
to be the person who genuinely wants to
see change while also being the person
whose actions keep things the way they
are and what it's led me to believe is
that change isn't going to come by
identifying the good guys and the bad
guys that conversation lets us all off
the hook because most of us are neither
one of the
change will come when each of us has the
courage to question our own fundamental
values and beliefs and then see to it
that our actions lead to our best
intentions I am just one of millions of
people who have been told that in order
to fulfill my dreams in order to
contribute my talents to the world I
have to resist the truth of who I am I
for one am ready to stop resisting and
to start existing as my full and
authentic self if I could go back and
say anything to that nine year old
dancing in the den dreaming her dreams I
would say my identity is not my obstacle
my identity is my superpower because the
truth is I am what the world looks like
you are what the world looks like
collectively we are what the world
actually looks like and in order for our
systems to reflect that they don't have
to create a new reality they just have
to stop resisting the one we already
live in thank
[Applause]