I have a birthday coming up soon you
just celebrated a birthday in quarantine
yes tell me what it's like what can I
expect my birthday was actually lovely
my wife did a really wonderful thing for
me I woke up in the like and this is
right kind of around the beginning of
all this right so we know knowing
winters she had planned something and
what and so we were doing we woke up in
the morning and L goes l she leans over
and she goes hey I just want to show you
something I was like oh yeah so she gets
her iPad she she turns on her iPad and
there's a video from my father-in-law
and my father-in-law my father-in-law is
a TSA agent oh really
his name is Paul I think Paul Coulier Z
he's 78 years old and we think we're not
sure but we're pretty sure he's the
oldest TSA agent in America I would
guess si si
so my father-in-law makes this video for
me and it's a sketch she wrote a sketch
with him and his wife so I wrote this
sketch he's the guy going through
security
his wife Nancy is she's wearing a sweet
little hat like I think it's a homeland
security
yeah but you know we'll give him a name
forever and so they're doing the sketch
and she's grabbing she's grabbing things
out of a suitcase and she's like sir may
I search your bag and my father loves
doing you know your kind of your
requisite airport security joke so it
wasn't my bag I just pick that up on the
side of the road and so she's taking
water bottles out of the bag each water
bottle is completely full and she goes
this is okay it's okay you know and she
does five so threes and five so they're
learning common five and then she pulls
out a machete because this is okay
this is definitely okay pretty decent
sketch that's right and he's protesting
he's protesting and then she pulls out a
piece of paper of the Peace Corps it
says Happy Birthday King and she goes
now this is not okay so make sure it
doesn't happen again
next year and then very good blow a good
button I know what I wrote sketches you
know for years
you wrote sketches fears I could never
come up with an ending they these two
amateurs came up with an ending not
jealous agreement but they came up with
an ending and and and on theme so on
your birthday did you hear from anybody
else besides in here was the good thing
and the great thing about my birthday's
right after my father law that night
then I watched a message from my
mother-in-law then I watched a message
from my 83 year old aunts then I watched
the message from cousins and then and
then all of a sudden there were more
messages that were starting to come from
friends and then I'm going oh so my wife
had collected 75 birthday greetings for
me 75 a fun so we sat in front of the
iPad for an hour and 10 minutes and
watched all these wonderful like who for
example so like like like Dave Matthews
Drew Brees
Michael Strahan trying to send a message
that one did e Kimmel Kimmel did send to
me I do have to tell you that those a
Kimmel birthday greeting comes standard
with any iPhone or flip phone someone
yeah and if you get a pager they'll
right there on a page he makes money
guys that's fantastic you know I wish
you had reached out to me no one reached
out to me oh well you know the thing is
the thing is I don't I don't have your
phone number
oh right you know why cuz you're never
gonna have my