This comment is very interesting that we
received.
Basically, the topic is dealing with a
self-absorbed
wife. My name is Paul Friedman, I founded
The Marriage Foundation
and I just love the phraseology of this.
It's like, oh my goodness, I'm so
perfect but I have to deal with a
self-absorbed
spouse. Did I say wife before? I meant
spouse, I apologize.
Dealing with a self-absorbed spouse
so it's kind of ironic if you think
about it
because doesn't that mean that you're
kind of
expressing some of those qualities of
self-absorption
if you're thinking you have to deal with
someone else's
flaw when you really should only be
dealing with your own flaws.
Our philosophy at The Marriage
Foundation is so different than
western psychology. Western psychologists
love to get into the foibles and the
flaws of the spouse
instead of the person who's saying, "Hey,
my spouse this, this, this, that."
Fine, why is it impacting you?
Don't you realize, this is really
important,
don't you realize what free will
actually means?
It's not about choosing between
chocolate and vanilla.
It's not about choosing the right color.
It's about controlling your mind.
Life is much bigger than just
flavors and colors. Life is all about
evolution. You're a human being. You're
supposed to be evolving.
You're not supposed to just go through
life and then die at the end.
What will you have accomplished? Where
are you going from here?
Is that it? Are you a chicken stuck in a
chicken coop
and you just live lay eggs and
die, and become soup? No,
you're supposed to be evolving as a
human being if no one's ever told you
that let me be the first.
We are designed for evolution. Everything
around
us is about evolution and a human being
is consciousness,
a soul. You are designed to evolve
to leave your flaws behind, become a
better human being
however, it looks to you, by the way.
Sure, there's scriptural dictates about
what you should do and what you
shouldn't do.
Those are good guard rails so that you
don't fall off the ledge
and do something stupid,
but you're supposed to evolve. So if your
spouse is self-absorbed
let's turn that around. What does that
mean for you?
That means that from your point of view
they're paying more attention to
themselves than to you
that's one way to look at it. How does
that make you feel? "Well, my spouse is
self-absorbed. I need
to know how to deal with it," so I'm going
to tell you how to deal with it.
You don't, that's your spouse's
problem and it's not your job to reveal
to them
any more than it is their job to reveal
to you.
You don't get to reveal their flaws to
them.
You get to be supportive of their
efforts
or non-efforts to deal with their flaws.
Your job is to love your spouse,
not be critical of them, not condemn them,
not complain but to love them that's
it and that's top line. You're supposed
to love them with all your heart, mind,
and soul.
Now some of the prophets have said,
that's what you're supposed to do with
God.
Hey man, you're slipping that in there. Yes, I
am slipping that in because it's the
same thing.
What's the difference? The whole idea is
to learn how to
love unconditionally so your spouse is
self-absorbed.
Who in this world is not?
It's built into us because we have
bodies.
You're a soul granted, you're a soul but you
have a body
and you have a mind and the physiology
is all about
self-preservation, isn't it? You know that
that's true.
The trouble is we learn -- the only thing
we learn about self-preservation
is that it induces fight or flight. We
don't learn about all the other
ramifications.
Well, this is one of those ramifications.
This is the drive to survive in action
being self-absorbed means
I'm taking care of me. Okay,
and maybe they're going too far in doing
so. So step
up, help take care of them. You'd be
less self-absorbed. You'd be more selfless.
You'd be more considerate, more caring, more
loving
that's what you should be working on
not dealing with them. You don't have to
deal with them.
When you see that they're behaving in a
self-absorbed way, you tell your mind, "Hey,
mind your own business, mind."
You got plenty of flaws you need to work
on before you start pointing out the
flaws of your spouse.
Look, the purpose of marriage
is to live in this bubble of ever
increasing happiness,
ever increasing, expanding love.
When you start getting into the flaws of
your spouse you are not
doing that. Look, sign up for this channel.
Learn as much as you can about marriage,
this positive approach to marriage
that's what we have.
If you really need help, get one of the
books.
Get one of the courses but it's on you
to learn about marriage to achieve
ever-increasing happiness and ever
increasing love
that's the whole deal about marriage and
you're not achieving those. I know you're
not because no one ever taught us
because the people who are supposed to
be teaching us these things.
they themselves don't know
so that's a whole other video. Look,
leave a like, leave a comment, ask a
question,
be my friend, I'm joking kind of.
I'm very happy to respond to questions
left in the comment box
and we have a free service at The
Marriage Foundation where you could get
your particular question responded to by
an expert.
And the whole deal is about learning to
love unconditionally
enjoy, enjoy, enjoy.
All right. Take care and thank you for