( music playing )
Baby got-- What?
That's right, we're back.
Oof.
Bedtime stories are supposed to calm kids down,
but if kids knew how dark original fairytales really were,
they'd never sleep again!
It's time for...
Our daughter Lily has nightmares about whales.
- All the time. - Ooh, yeah. It's common.
But that's not the spelling that you used.
- That's not what I was talking about. - Okay.
Okay, here's what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna read you a multiple choice question
about the true origin of some classic fairytales.
Fairytales that we're all familiar with,
but the original endings back in the day
were a little bit unsettling.
- Twisted? - Twisted.
And I'm going to give you some options.
If you get three out of the five of these right,
you do not have to kiss your little friend over there.
- Bring your little friend in. - Oh, gosh!
He's not that little.
Nope.
- Oh, gosh! - And you know what?
If you do get three out of five, I have to kiss him.
So, one way or another, that little froggy is getting kissed
- by a human face. - Oh, man.
- All right, Link, let's get started. - I'm gonna try hard,
'cause I don't like to touch frogs
- Much less kiss. - with my lips or any part of my body.
Pinocchio isn't just the second worst ride at Disneyland.
It's also the tale of a wooden boy
who learns the value of honesty.
But before Disney made an ass of the puppet,
- Turned into a donkey. - Carlo Collodi's original story
had a much darker side.
How did the original story of Pinocchio end?
A, Pinocchio is thrown off a cliff
and broken into splintered pieces.
Whoa! He's getting excited.
B, Pinocchio is hung from an oak tree
- and spasms until he dies. - What?
C, Pinocchio is beheaded and his parts tossed into the river
as a warning to other bad boys.
Or D, Pinocchio makes love to a tree stump
and gets a bad case of splinters.
- Eww! This is-- - That last one--
- Hmm. - This is freaking disturbing.
Thrown off a cliff, hung from a tree, or beheaded?
They knew how to teach children back then.
I mean, I think the most tasteful thing here
is being thrown off a cliff and broken into splintered pieces.
- A! - Link, it's B!
Pinocchio is hung from an oak tree
and spasms until he dies!
- What? - Yeah, what's even worse,
it was The Giving Tree.
You got Shel involved in this?
Yeah, Shel Silverstein. He's real old.
Oh, gosh.
He also murders the cricket.
Pinocchio murders the cricket with a hammer in this version.
- Wow! - I was always annoyed by Jiminy Cricket, though,
so I'm kinda into that.
Yeah, the noises they make.
All right, they say an apple a day keeps the doctor away,
but if your Disney's Snow White you might wanna think twice
before biting into that red apple.
Thankfully, Snow White survives
in both the original Brothers Grimm and the Disney version,
but that doesn't mean things don't get dark.
How does the original Snow White story end?
A, the evil stepmother attends Snow White's wedding
and is forced to put on red-hot iron slippers
- and dance until she dies. - Ooh!
B, the prince forces Snow White to give up their child
to the evil stepmother in exchange for peace.
C-- Watch out!
C, Snow White learns of the prince's infidelity
and burns his eyes out with hot coal while he sleeps.
Or D, Snow White bites Beyoncé.
- That's who did that! - Yeah!
She's ruthless.
- Right on the face. - Uh-huh.
- Which one is it, Neal? - The infidelity thing does not
- Ring true? - make sense.
- It just seems off topic. - Hmm. Okay.
Um... giving up the child
to the evil stepmother in exchange for peace.
- Peace is important. - Peace is important.
Um... I'm gonna go with the hot iron slippers.
A, because the evil stepmother needs to get it!
- You're right, Link! It's A! - Yes!
The evil stepmother attends Snow White's wedding
and is forced to put on red-hot iron slippers and dance until she dies.
And that's why at weddings today
we always kill our stepmothers.
You really-- You're really into this twisted stuff, man.
They say, "If the shoe fits, wear it.
And if it doesn't, try to cram your feet in and pretend."
At least that's what the stepsisters
in Disney's "Cinderella" tried to do
when the prince came by with Cinderella's glass slipper.
But in the original Brothers Grimm tale, what happens?
A, the stepsisters beat Cinderella so hard she bleeds
and the prince finds her by following a trail of blood.
Gosh!
B, the stepsisters cut off Cinderella's feet,
but the prince finds out and reattaches them
and then pulls off the stepsisters' ears as punishment.
C, one stepsister cuts off her toes
and the other cuts off her heel to fit into the shoe
and the prince realizes they're frauds
when he sees blood all over their shoes.
Or D, Cinderella breaks up with the prince
when she realizes he has a foot fetish.
( sighs )
There's a lot there.
So many options.
This is horrifying. I'm feeling faint.
I think I've heard about this one.
The stepsisters cutting off their--
Mutilating their own feet in order to fit the shoe.
Mmm. You going with that one?
Yeah, I'm gonna go with C.
- You're right, Link! They cut off their-- - Yes!
Parts of their feet to fit into their shoes.
But fun fact, they were still able
to return the shoes to Nordstrom.
- They'll take anything back. - Little blood don't hurt.
Link, two out of three.
You just gotta get one of these last ones right.
- I gotta kiss that frog. - I do not want to touch the frog.
Oh!
He hurt-- Hey, don't hurt his feelings, man!
Don't hurt his feelings.
I would almost rather touch a snake at this point.
- Well, they are slimier. - I feel like I'm getting acclimated to him.
Disney's "The Little Mermaid" is a classic tale
of true love despite different backgrounds,
but in the Hans Christian Andersen original,
it's more of a soulless morality tale
designed to cause nightmares in sinning minds.
How does the original "Little Mermaid" end?
A, in order to get her voice back,
the Little Mermaid must rip out the throat of the prince
and toss it into the sea.
B, in exchange for her life,
the Little Mermaid is given a knife
to murder the prince with,
and when she refuses, she is turned to sea foam.
C, in order to ensure that their love is forever,
the Little Mermaid must murder the prince's parents
so that they can bear no other heirs.
Or D, she replaces her voice box with autotune
and becomes a moderately successful rap artist named Lil Mer.
Oh, gosh.
Stop moving.
- He wants you. - Okay.
With B, she sacrifices herself
instead of murdering the prince,
becomes sea foam, which is poetic.
- Beautiful almost. - But A is really twisted.
She rips out the throat of the prince to get her voice back,
which makes sense...
in this twisted world that you enjoy living in.
Mm-hmm.
I want it to be B, but I'm--
I'm gonna guess A. She rips out the throat--
You've should've gone with your instincts, Link. It is B!
She refuses to murder the prince and is turned to sea foam.
So, kids, remember when you're swimming in the ocean,
you're actually swimming in dead mermaid.
Link, it all comes down to this question.
- I will remember that. - It all comes down to this question.
Your future with that frog is going to be determined
by your answer to this question.
- He doesn't want this either. - Nah.
No, I think he's trying to get at ya.
Are these bedtime stories making you sleepy yet?
Who else is sleepy? Sleeping Beauty,
the blandest Disney princess.
But the original Giambattista Basile version is anything but bland.
How does the original "Sleeping Beauty" tale resolve?
A, the king burns his wife
so that he can marry Sleeping Beauty instead.
B, the queen is so jealous of Sleeping Beauty
that she attempts to cook and serve Sleeping Beauty's children to the king.
C, Sleeping Beauty marries the king
even though he took advantage of her in her sleep.
Or D, all of the above.
All the above?
Man-- Really--
D's usually a joke.
Usually.
If this is all of the above, that ain't funny, man.
This is--
Man, what are the-- What did the kids--
How did the kids even survive back then? It's like--
Well, this is how I teach my children now.
I'm trying to think if all three could be possible at once.
Could you burn the wife,
and then... after she attempts
to cook and serve Sleeping Beauty's children--
That would-- That would make sense that then you'd want--
You can justify burning her, if she tried to kill the kids.
- Right, right. - I don't wanna touch the frog.
D, all of the above.
- You sure? - No, I'm not sure,
but that's my answer.
- You're right, Link! It's D. - Yes!
All that twisted stuff happens in "Sleeping Beauty."
And also, Sleeping Beauty was never really asleep.
She was woke AF.
- Okay, get rid of this. - Okay, but I am going to--
I'm so happy!
Look, he's jumping towards you, man!
You're fine with touching a frog?
Not really.
I'm told he's slimy, and that he can potentially have a disease called...
Help!
( groaning )
- ( groans ) - Ooh!
Look at him.
Kissy, kissy, kissy!
Where have you been all my life?
( screams )
( laughs )
- Hi, Chase. - Hey, Rhett.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Thanks for liking, commenting, and subscribing.
You know what time it is.
- Hi, I'm Amy! - Hi, I'm Chris!
And we're at Disney World!
Both: And it's time to spin the Wheel of Mythicality.
See how those kids just like realized halfway through the video--
Is it their kids or is that just random Disney kids?
Random Disney kids.
Click the bottom link to watch this episode from the beginning.
And click the top link to watch us take a quiz
to see which Disney princess each of us is.
And to find out where the Wheel of Mythicality is going to land.
In Good Mythical More.
Rhett:
with this "Be Your Mythical Best" baseball T-shirt
available at Mythical.Store.