Of course, you know, I'm doing a lot,
I'm doing lot of talking about Chicago tonight,
but I, you know, I don't wanna just talk about Chicago,
I wanted to get outside and see the city for myself.
Lucky for me.
(audience cheering)
Lucky for me I got a personalized, guided tour
from a native of the city and here is what happened.
Okay, I'm in downtown Chicago,
I'm really looking forward to seeing the city.
I thought I'd have a local show me around.
Someone who was born here, grew up here,
really knows what he's talking about.
He should be here any minute.
Let's go fool, hurry up!
(audience cheering)
(car tires screeching)
All right where are you taking me T?
I'm going to take you to my neighborhood,
Conan, South Side, Chicago.
(audience cheering)
(rock music)
Okay Mr T, I asked you to show me
around Chicago and you've taken me about, I don't know,
it looks like seven miles South of the city center
and we're in an abandoned field.
What's this all about Mr T?
This spot right here, 10 floors up,
it was the Robert Taylor Project.
40-22 South State street.
I grew up here.
This is your home right here?
Right, this is my roots.
This is nice.
Oh look, your old bicycle chain is here.
Look at that.
(laughing)
From your bicycle.
You funny.
(nervous laugh)
Thanks.
Is this the playground you used to play in?
Well, it's changed a little bit,
between me and you,
but it's the the area.
You want to go on this slide?
It's wet.
(grunting)
(laughing)
Come on.
My booty is wet.
You want me to slide down?
Your booty is wet?
Come on, you're Mr T and you're saying your booty is wet.
Come on and say "wee" on the way down.
Say wee!
(groaning)
Wee!
Aw man, look at my booty wet man.
You white guys always having the brother go first.
(audience laughing)
That was a trip man.
(giggling)
(rock music)
[Conan] Let's review,
T is for tough.
It's for tender.
[Mr T] No.
[Conan] You also said it's for being on time.
Yeah, on time.
Does T ever stand for taffy?
[Mr T] Nah.
You know, sometimes the T stands for stuff
that don't even rhyme with T.
[Conan] Like what?
[Mr T] Like nice.
(audience laughing)
Okay T, this is an important spot?
You better believe it.
Home of the world champion's Chicago White Sox.
Are you a White Sox fan?
Been a White Sox fan.
I'm going to tell you a joke that might sound corny.
I was a White Sox fan when they was all white.
(laughing)
♪ White Sox, White Sox ♪
♪ Go, go White Sox ♪
My stance is, I like to be a little bent on the back leg.
And I like the front leg hanging way up high.
I like my ass, this part of the ass, sticking out a lot.
What I like to do is I like to have the ball
hit the bat real loose, real loose.
That doesn't work.
Sometimes I like to hold it on this end.
No good.
(upbeat music)
Thank goodness for these cages.
All right, all right.
(audience cheering)
Hit them with a warm-up.
Oh yeah, that was good.
You're doing it.
Look at that.
[Mr T] That is good.
(explosion)
This building right here, with the little arrow,
that's the Prudential building.
Well it says Prudential right there.
You seem to know the buildings
that have the name written on it.
That's important to have the name written on it.
I know that.
If you got a big building
and your name not written on it,
I'm not going to recognize it.
How y'all doing?
Good to see you.
All right, be good now.
Always tell them to be good.
You know what I mean Conan?
Is that your message? Be good?
Be good.
Cause everybody can be good.
Sometimes I tell them if they a little older
I tell them to be cool.
And it basically mean the same thing.
So who do you tell to be good
and who do you tell to be cool?
If you under twelve, I tell you to be good.
Right.
If you over 12, like 13 and up, I tell you to be cool.
Now what if someone's in their sixties?
You don't tell them to be cool.
Yeah. I tell them to be thankful.
(audience laughing)
Now don't tilt too much.
Don't tilt too much.
It's not me, that's you.
That's your Mohawk throwing us off balance.
Does this bring back any memories?
This part.
[Mr T] This part right here, nah.
I mean over there, see that building with the flag on it?
[Conan] Yeah.
[Mr T] That's for when you have traffic ticket,
you go down there.
Come on people, clean up your river.
Is that a duck or a piece of wood?
[Conan] Its not a piece of wood.
[Mr T] That's a duck?
[Conan] That's a duck.
[Mr T] Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack.
I pity the fool!
All right.
[Conan] T, you've got to trust me.
[Mr T] Don't do too much.
Don't do too much.
[Conan] I'm not. I'm turning us around.
[Mr T] Should I back up?
[Conan] I'm getting us away from that boat.
[Mr T] Should I back up?
[Conan] Nope, don't do anything.
(boat horns)
This is good you know.
I like driving you around.
I sort of feel like Driving Mr. Daisy.
(laughing)
[Conan] What's this called?
[Mr T] Daley Plaza.
[Conan] This is beautiful.
Yes. And you know something else?
What?
This is where first acting career started.
I was an extra in The Blues Brothers.
I was in the crowd.
I think they paid me about $25 for 12 hours.
That was a long time ago.
What did you look like then?
No, I didn't have, I think I had a bald head then?
(car hooting)
(tape rewinding)
(dinging)
(rock music)
Okay T, what is this?
This is the famous.
Sears Tower.
Can we hook arms and skip on our way in?
I'll do this for you
I don't do this for nobody else.
I'm going to tell you.
Hook arms and skip with me?
Between you and me,
I never skipped with a white guy before.
You'll do it this once?
I'll do it for you.
Now I'm going to do it,
I just got to learn how to do it.
(audience cheering)
Ladies and Gentleman, my friend, Mr T.
(audience cheering)
Thank you, thank you so much.
Thank you Conan.
There he is.
(audience cheering)
[Audience] T! T! T! T!
Thank you.
You're the best.
Thank you brother.
We got a great show.
From Will and Grace, Sean Hayes is here.
We got Cheap Trick.
We got all sorts of surprises.
We'll be right back, stick around.