WHat’s up YouTube, Brad Browning here….
As I’m sure most of you know, I’m a marriage and divorce coach.
And one of the most common marriage issues I help my coaching clients with is related
to ARGUMENTS.
Arguing, fighting, bickering with your spouse… we’ve all been there, every married couple
argues from time to time.
But when these fights get too frequent or too heated, they’re often a one-way ticket
to divorce.
Thankfully, there’s some great news: in this video -- like, right now, in the next
few minutes -- I’ll give you 6 simple, effective tips and techniques that will allow you to
put to STOP these toxic arguments and ensure they don’t continue to damage or destroy
your marriage.
These 6 tactics I’m about to cover are just a starting point.
Yes, they’re all really helpful in preventing fights with your spouse, so you should start
using them immediately… but for most people, this isn’t the only thing that’s contributing
to your marriage problems, so you need to address any other issues as well if you want
to ensure you stay happily married to your spouse for the long-term.
After this video, go to www.MarriageGuy.com and watch the full marriage-saving tutorial
video that I’ve put up there for free… you’ll get more critical info and practical
steps to start fixing your marriage, even without your spouse’s help.
MarriageGuy.com.
Let’s get started with one of my favorite “Dispute Defusing” tactics, which I’ve
mentioned in a few previous videos because it’s so effective….
Technique #1: Use The 30-Minute Rule Angry at your spouse about something?
Ready to flip out and start screaming because of what they did or said?
Or maybe your spouse has started the conflict and you’re ready to fight back….
Well, hold up a second.
Actually, hold up 30 minutes.
Why?
Well, I can’t tell you never to get into an argument with your spouse.
If you disagree, if you need to stand up for something you believe is important and worth
discussing with your spouse….
OK, fine, you can and often should do so.
But before you do, wait 30 minutes.
Don’t do anything special in that time, other than to avoid talking about the problem
with your spouse -- or even just avoid talking with them at all for half an hour -- before
you begin the discussion.
That 30 minutes will often be enough time to give you some perspective and decide it’s
not worth fighting over….
Or it’ll help you cool down and let the emotions settle so you can start the discussion
in a civilized, adult manner and prevent things from getting out of hand.
The next one is actually closely related to the 30 minute rule, so let’s move on to
Technique #2: Take A Time-Out.
If you find yourself in a heated argument with your spouse, then the 30-minute rule
isn’t really an option… but you can still take action to make sure the fight doesn’t
continue to escalate, and that the emotions don’t end up with either you or your spouse
resorting to yelling, personal attacks, and so on.
Basically, you need a way to lessen the intensity of an argument if it’s getting out of hand….
And giving yourself a time-out is an easy way to do that.
Basically, you just need to take a short break during a fight with your spouse to calm your
nerves.
Now, don’t just simply walk out of the room without explanation -- that might make your
partner even angrier -- but you can tell them that you need to take 10 minutes to think
about things and calm down before re-engaging in a more respectful, productive discussion.
Not only will this help to calm your nerves, but this will help to calm your partner’s
nerves as well, meaning it works for both sides of the argument.
Technique #3: Forget Those Old Sayings About “Never Going To Bed Angry”
This advice -- that you should never go to bed angry at your spouse -- is just totally
ridiculous, frankly.
What, you need to resolve disagreements with your spouse that might have been an issue
for years already… in a single evening?
Or you need to stay up until 3am arguing before you can go to bed?
Yeah, that sounds like a good formula for a productive discussion, doesn’t it?
No, obviously that’s a terrible idea… feel free to go to bed even when you’re
mad at your partner, or they’re angry at you…
sleeping on things can often make the issue go away by itself, or at least give both sides
some perspective and a chance to think things over.
Technique #4: Take responsibility for your role in disputes or problems affecting your
marriage.
Hate being wrong?
Too proud to admit you might also be part of the problem?
Me too.
Trust me, I understand that it can be very tough to admit that you’re wrong about anything.
When you’re in a heated argument, sometimes it’s easy to lose sight of the bigger picture
or start focusing only on “winning” rather than the real issue at hand… or the affect
the argument might have on their partner’s feelings.
Sadly, researchers have proven that the feeling “being right” or ‘winning’ is never
as satisfying as you make it out to be in your mind.
Instead of trying to win arguments with your spouse, try instead to focus on seeing things
from your partner’s perspective, and then aim to come to a positive outcome of some
sort, even if that means you need to swallow your pride and “lose” because you realize
that your partner has a valid concern or that this is something very important to them.
Easier said than done?
Yes, but constantly reminding yourself to take a step back and try to see your spouse’s
side -- and then admit to being wrong or accept a “loss” when it’s necessary to maintain
harmony in your marriage -- is definitely going to help.
Technique #5: Use humour and a positive, light-hearted attitude to defuse tension.
As I just mentioned, it’s easy to lose yourself in the heat of the moment when you’re arguing
with your significant other… and at times things can escalate and become toxic, marriage-threatening
fights, even when they initially started over something very minor that shouldn’t lead
to a huge argument.
If you’re able to recognize when this is happening in an argument with your partner,
humour can be the best way to defuse things and bring back some perspective.
You should be careful using this technique when the discussion is about something serious
or ongoing... or if you’re fighting over something that’s very important to your
spouse… but a lot of the time, a joke or a light-hearted self-deprecating comment and
a smile can really calm things down and bring back perspective.
As long as you don’t downplay the issue and make your spouse feel like you’re not
taking them seriously, cracking a smile or a joke is a great way to cool things down
when arguments get heated.
And lastly…
Technique #6: Spend quality, positive time together when you and your spouse are getting
into frequent arguments.
I don’t think this last one needs much explanation, because it’s pretty simple… the more you
and your spouse spend time arguing, the more you need to spend quality, enjoyable time
together to balance things out.
When you finish a big argument, and things have settled down, suggest something to your
spouse that you do something fun together the next evening… no need to make it a big
deal, just make sure you make a concerted effort to share some positive, romantic, and
enjoyable time together if you and your spouse are arguing often.
That’s the last Dispute Defusing technique I have for you guys in this video, but you
can get access to my full Mend the Marriage program right now in less than 5 minutes if
you’re ready to start improving the state of your marriage.
Visit www.MarriageGuy.com and click on your gender to see the full details, and learn
more about all my other proven Dispute Defusing tactics that I wasn’t able to cover in this
video.
I offer a risk-free 60-day guarantee, so please register today if you’re ready to turn things
around and save your marriage before it’s too late.
Go to MarriageGuy.com to register and get started.
Lastly, I need to say a huge thank you to everyone for subscribing to my channel to
show your support and keep me motivated to make more free videos like this one.
Thanks also for tuning in to this video, and I’ll see you in the next one!