- I don't like to curse.
Mother (beep).
But sometimes, I do curse.
Would you get your (beep) face off the (beep).
I mean, I guess I like to curse, but not really.
(beep)
Let's try this again.
I don't want to like to curse.
And I don't want my kids to curse.
I mean, I know that they will curse.
But I just don't want them to do it in front of me.
Let's back this cursing train up.
I'm not comfortable with cursing for several reasons.
Cursing can be a lackadaisical form of communication.
Just like language today has kind of become a series of,
and I'm all, uh, and he's like, what?
All kinds of special words exist for a special situation.
Like saying I love you belongs in a very specific time.
So does I hate you.
When we start using special words all the time,
it waters down their impact and their meaning.
Curse words can be very impactful
when used to communicate intensity, anger and even humor.
Sometimes there is a linguistic need for vulgarity
or for emphasis or for that pow,
that punch that cursing really delivers.
Pow!
(beep)
However, if we constantly use curse words,
they become common place.
And we need to constantly up the ante
and find words that are more vulgar, more outrageous,
more disgusting to communicate
the kinds of things that sometimes as humans
we want to communicate.
If everything is an F bomb, the F bomb loses its F bombness.
As a mom, I worry that my kids will take on cursing
as a habit that is not always appropriate in all situations.
Cursing represent a cultural shift in propriety.
Think about president Trump's use of the phrase, son of a B
which he hurled from the presidential podium
just a few months ago.
This loosening up of linguistic morals
makes me uncomfortable.
Why?
Because I'm old fashioned
and I think that there are certain words
that are respectful and appropriate
and there's certain language that's not.
I know that I'm in the minority here
but I am holding this line
like a good linguistic general should.
I think cultures need to guard decorum carefully.
And I think that the loosing of linguistic rules
is a sign of some sort of breaking down
which I don't like.
Despite my distaste for cursing in general,
I'm not gonna tell you that I never curse.
Of course I do, it happens.
I mean, never at my kids but sometimes around them,
towards them, near them, on them.
I'm not proud of it, I don't like it.
So how do we handle cursing?
Me, society, all of it.
Number one, how can I curse less?
Not exactly sure to be honest.
We have discussed a cursing jar.
Maybe I'll try that.
Since I tend to curse more when I'm overwhelmed,
exhausted, frustrated, annoyed, overworked,
I think that more self care
and less letting things build up
will inevitably decrease the probability of cursing
from that kind of frustration and overwhelm.
Meditation is also a good thing for me to continue doing,
possibly adding more of it
and many trips to the spa might be necessary.
Number two, what about my kids cursing?
(beep) No!
Sure dancer, no cursing for children.
No!
I know that my kids may curse
when they're with their friends
or when they're out in the big, bad world
where everybody curses.
But I see it as a sign of respect
for my children not to curse in front of me.
To parents who do curse in front of their kids,
and allow their kids to curse in front of them,
I don't think it makes you a bad parent,
it's just, its not my style.
I inform my sons that the way that I expect respect
in my home is for them not to use
what we call prickly words in front of me.
I don't think it's respectful to use words
in front of your parents that you would use
with your friends to express vulgarity.
And I'm not really big on substitutes either.
Shut the F up is actually just shut the F up.
Find a way not to substitute fake words for curse words,
open the dictionary, there's a lot
other words to use, come on.
Phooey, an exclamation indicating
rejection, contempt or disgust.
Phoeey on love, phoeey.
Confound, to be mad about something,
to bring ruin or not confounded.
Oh here's a good one, dagnabbit.
Number three, what about pop culture?
I know you're probably thinking
that with all of my old fashioned
uptightness about language, I don't let my children
listen to music or watch TV or see movies.
You're wrong.
When we listen to the radio,
my rule is that we don't listen to any song
that has more bleeps than words.
I know my kids can rhyme, I know that they can figure out
what rhymes with witches and score.
Which is in scores.
You know, think, take a second, right.
In all seriousness, it's very hard
to fight the tide of this culture.
And I sometimes find myself singing words
and forgetting to bleep myself
when it's songs that I'm just used to listening to.
My kids get a kick out of it.
We laugh about it, they know that I'm serious about it
because of all of the lecturing I do about it otherwise.
As for movies, one of my main tools
for making decisions about movie watching
is a website and an app.
And every time I mention it,
my kids roll their eyes really hard at me and I ignore them.
It's called Common Sense.
Common Sense rates every movie
for the amount of cursing in it
as well as the amount of nudity, violence,
drug use and even emotional intensity
which is very helpful if you have a sensitive child
or are a sensitive adult like me.
In conclusion, I want my sons to know
that language is special.
Language matters and not only is it important
to respect your mother the way she wants to be respected,
but to respect your words and your decorum
as you go out into the world.
And yes, it is challenging to be up
against the loosing of standards about cursing,
when musicians and TV shows
and even the president use them so freely.
But every family gets to do what's right for them.
And in my house, it's my rules.
I hold myself to them as well as my boys.
It's not always easy but I get to constantly
show my boys over and over that words matter.
Especially my favorite word
that I use when I curse and regret it.
Oops.
Am I totally off here?
Please let me know in the comments below
if I need to completely shift my perspective about cursing.
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See you next time.
Thanks for watching.