We’ve had a zero tolerance of physical violence policy for three years now.
Okay, well what about all of the slushies?
Not a weapon and they’re very tasty.
The fights I got into with Quinn and Zizes last year?
Those were highly entertaining.
The two fights Wonderbra Hudson has been in with Puckerman?
Santana, that’s enough.
What makes this time any different?
Why is there suddenly a punishment being handed out?
It was Finn. We have a zero tolerance for hurting Finn Hudson as well.
This is bullshit.
Why am I here?
I’m afraid I’ll have to suspend you for two weeks, Ms. Lopez.
Wait a minute-
Finn, are you okay? Do you need a heating pad? Water? Medicine? A massage?
How is he allowed near schools?
I’ve got an idea.
Don’t suspend Santana.
Say what?
I’m just standing here. Doing nothing.
Mr. Hudson, would you care to elaborate?
Don’t suspend Santana. Let me blackmail her instead.
Deal.
Okay, what’s this about?
Look, the truth is, I think you’re awesome.
You kicked me out of the closet.
You hurt inside and that’s why you lash out.
YOU kicked me out of the closet.
That’s why I think you, your awesomeness, and the Troubletones should join the Glee club.
No.
If you don’t you’ll be suspended.
You’re awesome.
You already said that.
I was talking to myself.
What the hell is going on?
I know The Troubletones and New Directions are in competition with each other,
but I want us all to have a music week for the Ladies.
Genius!
Santana, I’m worried about you.
Have you been smoking with Lord Tubbington?
Glee is about accepting who you are without worrying about what other people think.
Then we’re all in the wrong club.
I want you to celebrate who you are, Santana.
Are we all just gonna ignore he kicked me out of the closet?
You did what?
Don’t worry about it.
Okay!
Finn, do we have to have our talk again?
I’m taking your advice. I’m rising below Santana’s hate.
Wow.
I think we should all sing a song to Santana to show our support.
Can I sing?
No.
I will not subject my girlfriend to this mockery.
It is inconceivable and degrading.
It makes a sham of her character and pride.
Where did all of that come from, Britt?
I think I saw it on the back of a shampoo bottle.
Finn, your idea is magnificent! I think we should do it.
Of course you do.
Are they like, married?
We’re not sure.
So, I was wondering if you wanted to come over tonight and have...coffee?
I’m not much of a coffee drinker.
By coffee I mean sex.
You’re a little too young for me, Quinn.
Look, I’m practically throwing myself at you here.
Okay, what has gotten into you...
What?
You’re trying to have another baby with me.
Yeah. And?
You do know I got a vasectomy right?
Like that's gonna stop me.
That’s crazy.
This surprises you?
Not really.
So, how are you enjoying my assignment? It’s pretty cool, right?
It’s dumb. Why are you doing all of this?
Because I don’t want you to die.
What the-
You attack others and pretty soon you’ll start attacking yourself.
I saw it on one of those gay video things.
Do you know how insulting and stupid you sound right now?
If you were so worried about my well being, why did you out me?
Look, you were my first. That means something to me.
I felt nothing, because it meant nothing.
Cheeseburger.
I’m gonna sing a song to show how important you are to me.
Please don’t.
[A ballad version of Outkast's "Roses" ]
[sings]I know you'd like to think your shit don't stank
But lean a little bit closer
See that roses really smell like boo-oo-ooo
Roses really smell like boo-oo-ooo
I know you'd like to think your shit don't stank
But lean a little bit closer
See that roses really smell like boo-oo-ooo
Yeah, roses really smell like boo-oo-ooo
Oooooooh yeah
I think I’m going to puke.
You didn’t like it?
No, smart one.
But you’re crying.
Your breath was making my eyes water. What did you eat for lunch, onions and ass?
I told you to brush twice after every meal, Finn.
What does brushing my hair have to do with this, Rachel?
Okay, I’m sick of this.
[Brittany:] Santana!
You’re not gonna go check on her, Mr. Schue?
Finn’s amazing.
This whole thing is embarrassing, Britt.
I get that I’ve said some harsh things, but I didn’t think I’d deserve this as punishment.
I don’t get it.
Santana, there’s a lot of things in life I don’t get either.
Like Finn outing you or Mr. Schue’s obsession with him or
why a bell rings every time you walk into a drug store even though you didn’t win anything.
What I do get is you though. You’re a fighter.
You can fight this and you’re not doing it alone.
You’ve got me, your parents, the Glee club. And that’s all that matters.
Mi corazon es para ti. (My heart is for you)
Te quiero mucho. (I love you very much)
[Kurt:] Mi corazon es para ti.
Te quiero mucho, Dolphin Nose
Do they always have to copy us?
I’m Kurt, bitch!
Is there a reason you’re in my office and not off eating chicken?
I want you to stop this charade with Cooter. The election is over.
Why should I stop dating him?
Because I need him for a story line.
Well, so do I.
I’ll give you twenty bucks and a ticket to Madonna’s next concert.
You’ve got your self a deal, She-Hulk.
[SIMGM original song “It’s Gotta Be Love With You"]
[sings] I've never been so happy
Not like this before
I can see your true form
You're my unicorn
The walls we built between us are coming
Down Down Down
Never thought we'd find, what we've found
It gotta be love, be love, be love
What we're feeling
It must be love, be love, be love
You got me feeling
I know you better than anyone else
A kiss from you can make me melt
It's true
Its gotta be love with you
I can't deny it
I can't hide
It must be real
What we feel
It gotta be love, be love, be love
What we're feeling
It must be love, be love, be love
You got me feeling
I know you better than anyone else
A kiss from you can make me melt
It's true
Its gotta be love with you
Oooooh hoo. It's gotta be love with you (It must be love be love be love).
Oooooh hoo. It's gotta be love with you!
[Applause]
Rachel, are you okay?
I’ve just been suspended.
What happened?
[Rachel Voice Over] Things have been going well for me.
Kurt and I are on good terms, Finn is well...Finn.
My mother refuses to acknowledge me, but that’s okay.
My focus is now set on NYADA and having no backup plans whatsoever.
It’s good to be Rachel Berry. I’m unstoppable.
I’ve been suspended for a week and I’m banned from performing at sectionals.
At least it wasn’t Finn.
I’ve gotta bad feeling in the pit of me stomach.
What are we going to do for Sectionals?
We don’t have enough people to compete.
We didn’t have enough people before Rachel was suspended.
Do you people know math?
Our band members can join, but we still need one more.
What do you think, Finn?
[Tribal music]
A-Are you sure this was a great idea, Finn?
Yes. We need to get Sam back and this is where he said we’d find him.
[Club Announcer:]And now, our number one Trouty Mouth, Sam Evans!
[Stripper music]
Hello and welcome to Trouty Village Strip Club where all Trouty Mouths can live as one.
I didn’t know there was such a thing as underage stripping. That’s very bold of you.
Underage?
Yeah. Sam is underage and so are we.
[Crickets]
You should join the New Directions.
Sure.
Okay, guys. I know we’re in a bit of a rut-
Not completely. I have big plans.
There she goes again.
How about we focus on what song we’re going to perform even though we probably won’t rehearse.
Any suggestions?
[Sam:] I say we bring some country into sectionals.
Trouty Mouth is in the building!
So, like I was saying-
Guys, it’s me! I’m back.
And you should have never left. Have a seat, Sam.
I’m glad that’s settled.
Okay, why don’t you guys practice while I go sit in the corner and clap like a seal.
Ah ha ha!
Sam, now that you’re back I’d like to offer you the opportunity to be Beth’s new baby daddy.
No pressure.
Quinn, look. You’ve got rich white girl problems.
Please tell me you’re joking.
It’s a tough world out there. I know because I was in it for like, two months.
Stop already.
I have this favorite lyric.
It goes, hold onto sixteen for as long as you can.
I was pregnant at sixteen.
Oh.
[Blaine hits punching bag]
Dude, are you okay?
What? Are you surprised I can box?
It’s random and out of character.
I was once apart of Dalton’s fight club.
[Dark music]
The first rule of fight club. Don’t talk about fight club.
Well, what if it slips out in a song accidentally or-
Don’t. The next thing you need to know about-
Is being shirtless a mandatory thing?
I’d rather wear a tank top with some matching gym pants.
And hair gel is a must.
We were pretty hard core.
Wait, you’re completely against bullying and violence right?
Right.
And you were in a fight club?
Yes.
Makes sense.
Sam, what do you want?
I want us back together.
We were only together for like a minute.
And that minute was magical.
I have a boyfriend.
So? I’m still gonna go after you.
Who the hell do I look like? Quinn?
Do you really want to put Shane through what Finn put you through?
Yes.
I really don’t get this damn show sometimes.
You will be mine!
[Mercedes:] Whatever!
They’re training me to be like Rachel!
I’ll be forgotten after this episode!
Quinn, heel!
Look at me, Quinn.
Were you going to tell on Shelby about her affair with Noah?
Answer me.
Maybe...
Damn it, Quinn.
How many times do I need to have a deep conversation with you until you stop all of this?
Sorry...
Bad Quinn! That’s a bad Quinn!
Now, get out there and sing.
They’ll be a treat in it for you if you hit all of your notes right.
Really? I can have a treat?
Yes, now get out there.
[Mash up of songs “Brighter Than the Sun/Good Life”]
Stop me on the corner,
I swear you hit me like a vision
I wasn't expecting,
But who am I to tell fate where
It's supposed to go with it
Don't you blink you might miss it
See we got a right to just love it or leave it
You find it and keep it
Cause it ain't every day you get the chance to say
Oh, this has gotta be the good life
This has gotta be the good life
This could really be a good life, good life
Say, "Oh, got this feeling that you can't fight"
Like this city is on fire tonight
This could really be a good life, a good, good life
To my friends in New York, I say hello
My friends in L.A. they don't know
Where I've been for the past few years or so,
Paris to China to Colorado
Sometimes there's airplanes I can' t jump out
Sometimes there's bullshit that don't work now
We are God of stories, but please tell me
What there is to complain about?
Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart
It goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun
Say, "Oh, got this feeling that you can't fight"
Like this city is on fire tonight
This could really be a good life, a good, good life
[Applause]
Our performance was better.
That doesn’t matter.
Nope. For whatever reason, the New directions are gonna win.
Unicorn. (I wanna cut a bitch.)
Girls, I’ve learned a lot these past months.
I can still remember when I was eighteen.
And now here I am, at seventeen, a woman.
I wish I could age backwards. Diapers were awesome.
Look, Quinn.
If you’re here to make us re-join the New Directions you’re wasting your time.
Yeah, that ain’t happening.
Do you know what growing up is about? It’s about-
Ah ah!! Okay, we’ll come back.
Wait, you didn’t hear what I had to say.
Nobody wants to hear your crazy ass giving out advice that you’re going to ignore in a couple of days.
Let’s make like Blaine and go sing abouts it.
[FART]
[Girl in stall] God, I’ve been holding that in forever!
Those girls can talk for a long ass time.
Subtitles by the Amara.org community