I want to talk about something today.
It's changed the world forever.
I'm talking about Google.
Once upon a time, before Al Gore invented the internet, whenever
we had a question, we had to open something
called an encyclopedia.
Encyclopedias were books full of information-- let me back up.
Books are a magazine that's thicker.
I should explain that.
Magazines are things that are in your dentist's office.
They're blogs that you hold in your hands.
Anyway, nowadays, all you got to do
is like, beep, beep, badoop, boop, boop, boop, boop.
And then Google will tell you the answer.
Sometimes, it tries to the question that you asked,
which gave me an idea.
It's a new game.
We've never tried it.
So we'll see how it goes.
It's called Well Google My Noodle.
Who's who?
I'm Hannah.
I'm Haley.
Hi, Hannah.
Where do you live?
What do you do?
I live in Riverside.
And I'm a student.
I'm a college student.
All right.
And you are?
I'm Haley.
I'm from Nebraska.
And I'm an ER nurse.
So--
Oh, good for you.
Thank you.
[APPLAUSE]
Yeah!
All right.
Here's how this game works.
You're going to have to use your noodle to guess
what Google is going to say.
I'll show you the first few words.
And then you're going to have to guess
one of the Google suggestions.
If you get one correct, I will award
you points based on how I'm feeling.
If you don't hear the buzzer of doom, that is.
All right, we're going to go back and forth
until Andy starts panicking about time and says,
that's it, that's it.
All right, so we will go with Hannah first.
And your Google search is "is it bad to?"
What will Google predict that you're searching for?
"Tell my boyfriend I like someone else?"
All right.
That's a good one.
That's a good guess.
I'm just going to go ahead and say you
wouldn't have to Google that.
The answer would be, yes, it would
be bad to tell your boyfriend you like someone else.
But let's see number three.
"Is it bad to hold your sneeze?"
Number two, "is it bad to swallow gum?"
Number one, "is it bad to eat at night?"
[BUZZER]
That is minus 400 points.
[LAUGHTER]
Haley, what will Google predict you're searching for.
"Is my house"--
"Is my house smaller than your house?"
[LAUGHTER]
Probably.
Yes, it is.
Yes!
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
It is!
I guess we'll have to accept that.
Let's see what the third one is.
"Is my house bugged?"
Paranoid people out there.
Number two, "is my house haunted?"
I get that.
You'd want to know that.
And number one, "is my house making me sick?"
[BUZZER]
All right, you asked a ridiculous question.
The answer--
That's my bad.
--minus 2000 points.
All right, we're in the negative.
Let's try to get in the positive, ladies.
OK.
Hannah.
"Do dogs" what?
A thing people saying?
"Do dogs"--
"think I'm pretty?"
[LAUGHTER]
All right, I'm just going to award you.
That's 10,000 points right there,
just because that's hilarious.
Do dogs think I'm pretty?
All right, let's take a look at number three.
"Do dogs smile?"
Number two, "do dogs go to heaven?"
Number one, "do dogs see color?"
OK, and not up there is "do dogs think I'm pretty."
But still, it's a good question.
So let's go to Haley.
Yes.
"Why do cats?"
What do you think people--
they would guess that you're going to Google?
"Why do cats"--
"Knock everything over?"
Why do they?
Well, hm.
Because it's fun.
Let's see what number three is.
"Why do cats hate water?"
Yeah, they don't like water, unless they're
drinking from a faucet.
And then they enjoy that.
Number two, "why do cats like boxes?"
It's fun, to play in.
Number one, "why do cats knead?"
The whole kneading of--
like that.
You know why they do that?
Because it reminds them of when they were kittens.
And they do that to get their mother's milk
from the little teat.
And--
[LAUGHTER]
So when they relax, they go back to that memory
of doing that when they were getting milk from their mother.
So when they do that, they're very happy.
Just know that.
All right, points, you get plus--
Because they do knock things over.
And I understand that.
Plus 8,000 points.
All right.
All right, Hannah, "is it possible to?"
"Is it possible to--"
"Floss with one hand?"
You know, it is.
Cause they make those little mini things
that you can use now.
Minus 15,000 points.
Dang it.
That's OK.
Minus 15,000 points.
Because they make those things.
And-- all right.
Had you looked up flossing before you came to the show
today, you would know that.
Number three is "is it possible to live forever?"
Number two, "is it impossible to grow taller?"
I'm going to say no.
Number one, "is it possible to have black eyes?"
[DINGING]
That means there is no winner.
And yet, you're both winners.
You're both getting brand new iPads.
[APPLAUSE]
Now, please give it up for tWitch.