- (man) Hey! "Do-nut" touch my donut!
- (Ian) SHUT UP!!!
- (boss) And when you're out there with your clients,
remember it's about the bottom line and it's never about people.
Right? Let's get rockin' and rollin', team!
Huh? Got a tight deadline.
- Um, does anybody want the last donut?
- I'm good. - I had way too many.
- I'm stuffed.
(silence)
♪ (tense music) ♪
- (thinking) Somebody's gotta eat this last donut.
It-It just can't sit there.
- (thinking) I really want it, but I've already had, like, five.
I can't let these guys think I'm a pig.
- Noah's such a f*cking pig.
- (thinking) If I play just it cool, these guys will for sure let me have it.
I mean, I'm the only girl.
- (thinking) I want to eat it, but my pants are way too tight.
F*ck you, fashion!
- (thinking) How do you spell donut?
Is it D-O-NUT, or is it D-O-U-G-H-NUT?
- Hey, guys, you think I can get my donut?
(all) NO!!!
- (timidly) That's my do-- I ordered a donut.
- (thinking) Jesus! Go away, Janis!
- (thinking) I mean, get a clue, Janis!
- (thinking) Why in the hell does she always smell like soup?
- (thinking) Oh my god!
Dude, I thought I was the only one that noticed that!
- (thinking) I've never even seen her eat soup.
- (thinking) Maybe she sleeps in some sort of soup bath?
- (thinking) That's ridiculous. Don't be an idiot.
- (thinking) What kind of soup do you guys think would make
the best bath?
- (thinking) Uh, dude, tomato. For sure.
- (thinking) Tomato could be a good lubricant.
- (thinking) Oh, trust me, I tried using it as lube
and let's just say it works better as an exfoliant.
- (thinking) Seriously, guys, we really have to--
- (thinking) It burnt the first two layers of my dick skin off!
(wind whistles)
- (thinking) What the f*ck, Keith?!
- (thinking) What? I was gonna offer it to you
because you're the only girl.
- (thinking) That's so sexist.
- (thinking) Stupid, tight pants.
I wonder if I have a bigger pair on my desk.
- (thinking) Heh, I doubt that.
All you wear is dick huggers.
- (thinking) No, I don't!
- (thinking) I can literally see the outline of your penis right now.
- (thinking) No, that's my new phone.
This shape is scientifically proven to get better reception
than other shapes. Idiot.
(knocking on glass)
- What are you guys doing in there?
(all) Beat it, Janis!
- Yeah! Beat it, soup girl!
(chuckles)
- (thinking) Whoa, did you just call her soup girl?
- (thinking) I don't know. You guys were shouting.
I got excited. I-I don't know.
- (thinking) She didn't know that we called her soup girl, dumbass!
- (thinking) Yeah, it's like if Ian knew
we called him playground equipment hands.
- (thinking) My hands do not smell like playground equipment!
(sniffs)
Most of the time.
Look, there's monkey bars in the back alley.
What do you expect me to do, just look at them?
- (thinking) Seriously, Olivia?
- (thinking) Sorry.
- (thinking) Seriously, Noah? - (thinking) Sorry.
- (thinking) Look, we have to do something or we're gonna be here all day.
- (thinking) Okay, I think I've devised a stratagem
that'll elucidate this arduous conflict.
- (thinking) English, please.
- (thinking) Okay, I think I've devised a stratagem
that'll elucidate this arduous... problem?
- (thinking) Got it.
- (thinking) Okay, step one, we all tear a piece of the donut
at the same time.
- (thinking) And step two?
- (thinking) There is no step two.
- (thinking) Then why the hell did you just say there was a step--
- (thinking) Are we gonna do this plan or not?!
- (thinking) Fine, everybody take a corner.
- (thinking) It's a circle. There are no corners.
- (thinking) You get the point.
- (thinking) It's a circle! There are no points.
♪ (tense music) ♪
(silence)
(smack!)
- (thinking) Okay...
On three.
(thinking together) One, two, three!
(all groan in disgust)
- (Ian) Oh god, is that f*cking soup?!
- I told you guys that was my donut.
Did you touch this?
- Yeah, why?
- It smells like playground equipment.
(sniffs)
- Goddamn it.
- (Anthony) Hey, guys, thanks so much for subscribing.
Click the video on the left to watch bloopers from this video and this:
(snickers)
- Oh no, I'm so sorry!
- (Ian) And click the video on the right to check out Every Break Up Ever.
- You gotta kick that scrub to the curb.
- You're right!
- (Anthony) And if you're on a fancy little touchscreen device,
go ahead and click the links for all those things
that we just mentioned down in the description below.