In this video, we're going to be talking about why your ex doesn't want to talk to you. But
first, my name is Clay with modernlove.life, where we help you get the great loving relationship
that you're looking for, without having to play mind games, without having to play hard
to get, and without having to pretend to be someone or something that you're not, because
you deserve to be loved for the unique, amazing, and wonderful person that you are. And if
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Also, you may want to know that we do have a course called connect and commit. It's not
as in depth as maybe our other courses, it's like a little short taste test of some things
that you can say to turn potentially bad situations with your ex into opportunities for greater
connection and commitment. You can find that down in the description box below. It really
only helps you with seven specific situations, so if you don't match one of those seven situations,
I wouldn't recommend that you get it. But if you do match one of those seven situations,
and it seems like it might be a good fit for you, hey, go ahead, try it out.
Anyway, let's go ahead and get into this. So if your ex isn't talking to you, then it
can be really frustrating. It can make you wonder, "Hey, what's going on? Why were we
so close emotionally, and now you're just not even giving me the time of day? What's
going on with that?" And so there's a couple things that need to happen mentally for your
ex to decide, I'm not going to talk to you anymore. Okay? First and foremost, they need
to see you as someone worth not talking to, someone worth walling out in their life. And
so that means that they have to create an image of you as someone who did some really
bad things, someone who hurt them in some terrible way. And sure, maybe you did do some
bad things. Maybe you did hurt them in some terrible way. And if that's the case, it's
easier for them to do that. But they may also do this, too, by exaggerating
or adding things to maybe whatever happened between the two of you. They might twist,
or distort, or delete, or generalize certain things about your time together, your interactions
together, your relationship together in order to create this image of you that's worth not
talking to you. Because nobody wants to think of themselves as the bad person that just
cuts people out of other people's lives, or cuts people out of their life. They want to
think of themselves as the good person that's doing the right thing. And it can be hard
for them to do that if they see you in a balanced way as, "Hey, my ex is just a normal person
who made some mistakes", right? It can be hard for them to do that.
And so in order to justify cutting you out of their life, they need to see you as this
person that's worth not talking to you ever again, whatever that means, right? They may
have to see you as some cartoonish super villain or something like that in order to justify
it. They have to see you as someone who they could never trust, someone that they never
had any feelings for, or anything like that. That's why you often get these strange things
that they might say to you that really don't match up with reality, or your experience
of the relationship at all. It's because they're really interacting with this image of you
that may not actually be the accurate embodiment of who you actually are. And so that can be
one reason why they actually cut you out of their life.
Another reason that they might not talk to you is because of some intense emotions that
they're feeling on their part. Now it should come as no surprise that breakups can leave
both parties with a lot of intense feelings. Obviously you have intense feelings coming
out of your breakup of rejection, of loss, of grief and heartbreak and all of that stuff.
But your ex probably also has feelings as well, too. Feelings that maybe I feel guilty
for hurting you in the past. Maybe when we actually sat down and had the breakup talk,
maybe you cried. Maybe it hurt me to think that I was hurting you in some way. And so
they might feel a lot of guilt. And so the act of reaching towards their phone to call
you, to interact with you, it might cause too much guilt for them. It might be this
extra wall of emotion that they have to push through in order to actually pick up that
phone and contact you. And so there could be guilt that could be
stopping them from doing it. It could be maybe other things, could be frustration from the
past. It could be maybe they are still upset with you over something that you said or did
before, during, or after the breakup. It could be all sorts of things. It could be the fact
that maybe they're dating someone else and they don't want to put themselves in a weird,
awkward situation where they're talking to their ex and they're also talking to the person
that they're dating. It could be all sorts of things like that, but there's this cloud
of emotion that's stopping them from actually pulling through and picking up that phone,
and perhaps even acting on a genuine desire that they might have towards actually interacting
with you and actually talking to you again. This, in concert with what we talked about
before, of having to create a negative image of you, can really create that wall there,
right? It can really create that wall that's going to stop them from actually talking to
you, or interacting with you, or all that stuff.
They also could be influenced by friends, or family members, or fortune cookie advice,
or limiting beliefs of some sort. People say, "Hey, exs are exs for a reason, breakups happen
for a reason, you shouldn't ever look back after you leave a relationship", or things
like that. There's all sorts of things like that, whether it's common sayings and little
rhyming quotes and stuff like that, that people, for some reason, tend to live their life on,
which I think is a terrible way to live your life. But people still do that, anyway. That's
what we call fortune cookie advice. I don't recommend that you follow fortune cookie advice.
I recommend you actually think about something, and see what makes the most sense for you,
but that doesn't stop people from doing that. People live their life off of like song lyrics
and things like that. I would not recommend that you do that, but your ex might be doing
that. They might have limiting beliefs about, maybe,
oh, I've seen enough movies and TV shows to know that you're supposed to hate your ex,
and you're supposed to never talk to your ex again, and maybe they might be going off
of that. Or maybe they have friends that are just saying, "No, no, don't talk to him, don't
talk to her, just move on. There's other fish out there in the sea", all fortune cookie
advice. "There's other fish out there in the sea, and you got to just keep moving forward,
just get out there and date, date 10 people and you'll get over your ex, date 10 people
and you'll feel better", all that stuff. And that's not to say that that's not true or
anything like that, but it could be creating this wall that's stopping them from actually
interacting with you. And there are, of course, ways that we can
get past all three of these obstacles. If your ex is feeling a lot of negative emotion
for you, you can obviously do things to get them to release that negative emotion, things
like the fresh start technique, things like the open door technique, stuff like that.
If your ex is seeing you in a negative light, of course showing up and demonstrating to
them that you're not that person that they think you are, is going to help you. It's
going to help the two of you to connect better. And if your ex is keep keeping you at arm's
length because of limiting beliefs, because of friends, because of fortune cookie advice
and things like that, oftentimes that's because they have this elevated expectation about
what it would mean for the two of you to actually be interacting with one another.
They think, "Okay, if I'm talking to you, that means that I'm dating you, it means that
I'm going to be leading you on, it means that you think that we're going to be getting back
together, or something like that. And that's something that I don't know right now, so
I don't want to think of myself as someone that leads you on, I don't want to think of
someone that's going to hurt you, that's going to be that hot mess of, 'yeah, let's get back',
'No, let's not getting back together'. Yeah. I love you, no, I hate you. I still want to
be friends. I don't want to be friends. We should never talk." All that stuff. And so
they often try to keep you at a distance so that they don't have to think of themselves
in that way. And what can help is to pull down that expectation,
so that they don't have this black or white thinking where it's like, either we're getting
back together or nothing at all, but you can create this gray zone where it's like, "Hey,
I'm confused. You're confused. This is confusing for both of us. Let's just be confused together
and figure out something that works for both of us." And that actually allows the two of
you to interact with one another, build up that emotional connection, and allows you
to eventually leverage that to get back into a committed relationship with them. We're
getting a little bit off topic though, but these are some of the reasons that your ex
might not actually be talking to you, or in communication with you.
Before we go on. I just want to let you know that we do have an actual video playlist on
texting your ex and being in communication with them. So if that's something that you
want to learn more about, we have a video series on that. I'll put a video card to that
right up there. But I hope this video gives you a little bit
of an idea of maybe some of the reasons your ex might not want to be in contact with you,
what might be holding them back from being in contact with you, and maybe even some ideas
about what you can do to hopefully open that door of communication again, and get a little
bit of conversation started between the two of you. It's going to be a little bit tough
at first if they're not talking to you, or walling you out, or things like that, but
that's just because we have to get through those emotional walls. We have to get through
those emotional hurdles, and we need to build up a consistent pattern of showing up and
not giving them a good reason to wall us out again. Okay?
So you can do this. I've seen a lot of people do this before. If you do want a little bit
of help, we do have of that connect and commit course down into the description box below.
Check it out. If it seems like it's a good fit for you, cool. If not, no worries. Not
going to twist your arm. But anyway, I hope you've liked this video. If you do, hit that
thumbs up button, subscribe to the channel if you haven't already. And you might want
to check out this video series over here on texting your ex, or you might want to check
out this video right here. Once again, my name is Clay. Thanks for watching this video.
And I'll talk to you next time. Take care.