Narcissists can be absolutely heinous. There is no question about that. But what are some
of the tactics that they use to manipulate and punish their victims? By the end of this
video, you're going to know exactly what they are and how to spot them so that you all get
stocked in. Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung, Top 1% Attorney and the best-selling author of the books,
Negotiate Like You M.A.T.T.E.R and Breaking Free: A Step-By-Step Divorce Guide. And I've
helped so many thousands of people to go from those lives of trauma, drama, chaos, the lives
of living in a world with narcissists, and I've helped them with step by step guidance
on how to escape, break free and create new lives and new beginnings and new futures.
And I do the same thing for you in these videos. So if you haven't subscribed yet, go ahead,
subscribe, hit that notification bell, and that way you'll get notified when I upload
new videos and when I go live and do special events and all that sort of thing. So let's
talk about the tactics that narcissists use to manipulate and punish their victims. So
the first thing that they do to even be able to be put in a position of being able to manipulate
and punish their victims is they love bomb. And I talk a lot more about love bombing in
my video on love bombing, so check that out if you want. But really what it is, is they
are extremely charismatic. One of the hallmarks of narcissist is they are very likable to
the outside world. They're like the greatest salesmen on earth in a lot of ways. They are
extremely intelligent. They are masters at reading people.
So, right from the beginning, they are reading you to see how they can best warm their way
into your lives and put themselves in a position to be able to be able to do things like this.
Because it's not like they come along being abusive. You would never have gotten into
that relationship with them if they just came on that way. They come off seeming perfect
for you. And even when you're not in a romantic relationship with these people, maybe it's
just a business relationship, they still come off as if they were like a gift from heaven.
You can't even believe how wonderful this person is. If it's in business, they are the
perfect business partner for you. They have all the right contacts. They can make all
the right introductions. They can put you in incredible places and you will elevate
your career by being with them. So, that's that. And if it's a romantic relationship,
obviously, they're perfect for you in every way. They have the perfect job. They take
care of you. They say how amazing you are. If you're a guy, you're the most handsome
thing they've ever seen, a total Adonis. If you are a woman, then you're the most beautiful
woman they've ever seen. They can't believe how perfect you are for them. They've never
had another soulmate like this. They've never even been in love before until you came along.
I mean, whatever they need to say in order to suck you in to be. And so, that's really
one of the first ways that they start being even in a position to manipulate and punish
their victims, is that love bomb stage. The next thing that you'll notice, and these are
in no particular order at all, but one of the ways that they manipulate and punish their
victims is by ghosting them. So, now all of a sudden, you can't get in
touch with them. They've been texting you for days on end, 20,000 times a day. And now
when you want to call them out on something, or you want them for something, or you need
them for something, now, all of a sudden they can't be found. They aren't there. And then
when you question them on it, it was, "Oh, I was busy. How dare you? I'm working," or
something like that. Or if you're calling them out on something that maybe that you
are questioning them on. Maybe they're speaking to somebody else that they shouldn't be, they've
been particularly flirty or something like that, then they'll start ghosting you. They'll
just totally ignore you. And that's one of the ways that they punish their victims. And
if you want to know more about ghosting, check out my 101 series, my Narcissism 101 series.
I have tons of videos in there about all the different terminology that you'd need to know.
And ghosting is one of those videos. So we'll make sure that we drop a link to that below
as well. Another thing that they will try to do is, they will start trying to make you
jealous. And sometimes this is called triangulation. Sometimes they just are lining up flying monkeys
to be against you. But they're talking to other people, they're trying to make it seem
like they have a better relationship with other people, or these other people are better
than you in some way. They're starting to put you down. This like little subtle devaluing
starts. And if you want to know more about devaluing, check out my video on devaluing.
But this is where the subtle devaluing starts, where you start to go, gosh, that didn't feel
right. That didn't seem right. And a lot of times,
especially with covert narcissists, and there's a whole bunch more on this in my video on
the Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist, who are my personal ones that I hate the most.
Because I've had to deal with them in my own life, and I fell prey to a couple of them
in my own life, which I never will again, because I know so much about narcissism now.
But one of the things that they do is these little subtle drip, drip, drip, things that
are so small that you like, do I even say anything about this? Or maybe I'm making too
much of it. Maybe I'm just going crazy. It's oftentimes death by a thousand cuts where
you just think, well, that didn't seem right. Or maybe they are just talking to this person
because they have a work relationship with them. Or because they're trying to build a
better relationship with our neighbors or our friends. And maybe I am making too much
of it. Maybe I'm reading too much into it. Or maybe I'm being overly jealous. You start
questioning yourself as to whether or not you're blowing it out of proportion because
that's what they'll try to make it seem like you're doing, is blowing it out of proportion.
And the next thing that they do to manipulate and punish their victims is gaslighting. And
I have a whole video on gaslighting. And this is something that all narcissists do. And
they do it by the way, not just to you, but they gaslight everybody. And that is a huge
way that they get along in the world. And that is like, even though you're looking
at evidence and you see facts of something, and you know what conversation you had, they
make it seem like that's not what you're seeing. That's not what you're looking at. That's
not what you heard. That's not how it went down. You're remembering it wrong. You are
taking something out of context. Even if you have an email or something, I mean, this is
one of the things that happened in my relationship with one of the narcissists I was dealing
with. Even though I had an email that said, this is what the conversation was, and mine
was in a business setting, the person came back and was like, "Oh, we talked about this
and you agreed to blah, blah, blah." And even though the email didn't even say that, but
they just will say, well, but that's a conversation that we had, or whatever, you agreed to that.
And of course, it's something you would never agree t. But you start to slowly lose your
mind. And that's what happens with gaslighting. You just are starting to slowly, slowly lose
your mind. And if this is exactly what you have seen in your relationship with a narcissist,
I want to see an, exactly, in the comments. Just give me the word exactly in the comments.
And the next thing that they do is, they go straight from degrading and insulting you
to love bombing you again. And sometimes this is called hoovering. And especially, you see
this during the birth of the smear campaign, during the discard phase, whether you're discarding
or they're discarding. And sometimes they start this long before the actual discard
happens, because they're either expecting you to discard them eventually, or they're
expecting to discard you eventually. But they go from this heinous beast of a string of
insults, and the gaslighting, and the intimidation tactics, and all of these manipulation tactics
that I talked about. The passive aggressiveness, on and on and
on, to, "Oh, but we've always been able to get along. We can work this out." Or even
if it's, we can come to an agreement. When you're in the middle of a divorce, all a sudden
they become your best friend. All of a sudden, things are happening that are completely confusing
you. And they do that, again, to manipulate you. Because they want to get you away from
your lawyer, or they want to get you away from your therapist, or they want to get you
away from whoever it is that they think now has some other form of control over you. And
why do they do that? First, yes, of course, they want you to do what they want you to
do. But it all comes back to narcissistic supply, which is the holy grail for narcissists.
Everything they do is driven by that narcissistic supply. It's like the rat in the maze, that's
going for that cheese. That's exactly what they're going for all
the time. And one of the things I say about narcissists is, even though they are absolutely
the most horrible people to deal with on the planet, they are actually very simple to understand.
And once you get them, once you figure out that everything that they're doing is to keep
as much narcissistic supply as they can possibly get. And you're just part of that scheme.
And you're part of that manipulation. And if you are in their zone of world, and you
even could possibly continue to be a source of supply, they're going to keep you around.
So when you're going to negotiate with the narcissist, that's one of the things that
you need to remember the most. Is that everything that they do is driven by narcissistic supply.
So, this is by no means a comprehensive list of all of the things that they do to manipulate
and punish their victims. I mean, certainly in a divorce setting they do all kinds of
things like, weaponize the court system, use children as pawns, ignore court orders, ignore
requests to not produce financial documents, on and on and on, intimidation, threats of
intimidation, threats of violence, lying, stalking, all kinds of things I've seen in
the divorce cases. Which they do even in dissolution of business settings or dissolution of business
partner settings. They act the same way that they do in regular life, only on steroids
and a thousand times worse. So if you're getting ready to negotiate with a narcissist, you
need to get my free Crush My Negotiation Prep Worksheet. It's basically the antidote to
the holy grail. It's the garlic to the vampire. It's the kryptonite to Superman.
That is what you need, and it's totally free. So just go to winmynegotiation.com and grab
it. And if you like this video, give me a like, give it a share if you really think
other people could use this information, which anybody who's dealing with narcissists can.
So give it a share, make sure to drop me that comment. Let me know that you were here or
also say exactly or let us know what you're dealing with. And if you want more support,
make sure to join my free private Facebook group. It's called Narcissist Negotiators
with Rebecca Zung. and we'll make sure to drop links to all this stuff below. So, thanks
so much for stopping by, make sure you subscribe if you haven't already. Subscribe, hit that
notification bell. Remember that today is a great day to start negotiating your best
life. I'll see you in the next video.