Hi, I’m Marisa Peer
and in my practise I see people
with some really interesting phobias.
I see people with a lot of phobias.
And phobias are very common and people who come in go,
"I’ve got this fear of flying,"
or, "I’ve got this fear of heights,"
or "I’ve got this really terrible fear of public speaking.
"Oh, I have to stand up at work and chair a meeting,
"I open my mouth and go (stammering)
"and now I feel like such an idiot.
"What’s wrong with me?
"I’m just such a loser."
And they kind of beat themselves up,
but you know, your brain is actually quite smart.
And it usually gives you a phobia
’cause it thinks it’s in your best interest to have it.
Now, I know that sounds kind of crazy,
but the mind works like this.
It always does what it really thinks
is in your very, very best interest.
If you have a phobia, and you haven’t managed
to get rid of it, that’s because your mind believes
that somehow it’s helping you.
So here’s the thing, if you go to the top
of a very tall building, and run to the window and look out,
your stomach will drop and your mind will go,
"Get away from the edge you crazy fool."
Because millions of years after evolution,
our brain still thinks if we stand right
at the top of a high building,
it should make us feel slightly sick,
so we pull back, and now it’s saved us,
because that’s our mind’s job,
keep you safe on the planet.
So I totally understand the fear of heights
and you can’t fight that stuff.
Vertigo is there for a reason,
but you can rationalise with the mind.
You can turn it down.
You can say, "I’m safe.
"Look there’s a window this thick.
"I’m gonna stay here and breath
and keep saying I’m safe, I’m safe."
And then the vertigo will go away,
’cause your mind is doing it’s job,
get you away from the ledge, and when you dialogue
with your mind, and go, "It’s not a ledge.
"It’s a plate glass window and I’m safe."
It’ll go, "Oh, okay, don’t need to do my job."
Here’s another phobia, it is probably
the most common phobia in the world,
the fear of speaking in public.
But you know that’s not the fear.
It’s a fear of being rejected.
I work with so many people.
I’ve worked with people who said,
"You know, I can’t even go to my own wedding.
"I’ve had to cancel a wedding
"’cause I can’t walk down the aisle."
I’ve had grooms who fainted at their
wedding rehearsal about giving the speech.
I had someone who had to speak at a funeral.
She said, "You know what, I’d actually
"rather be in the coffin right now,
"than give that speech, ’cause I am terrified."
But they’re not terrified of speaking in public,
they are terrified of being rejected,
and that’s again, as far as your brain’s concerned,
that’s kind of smart, because here’s the thing,
we come onto the planet with two needs,
find connection, avoid rejection.
Imagine you can go back a few thousand years
and you’re born in a tribe and that tribe rejects you,
and they don’t like you and they cast you out.
You’re not even gonna make it.
You can’t live, ’cause you can’t hunt
and protect yourself alone, and so that’s why
we have a fear of rejection, ’cause our mind believes,
"I must be accepted, I must be connected,
"then I’ll live a long time."
And of course, you and I know that
we could go live in a little bedsit,
with at cat, and live to 102.
Get all our groceries delivered
and we don’t die of rejection anymore.
But our brain really hasn’t caught up.
So, when people have phobias of public speaking,
which is nothing more than a phobia of being rejected,
the way to deal with that is to say that,
"I cannot be rejected.
"Nobody can reject me without my permission.
"They can say mean things," they can be really mean,
but you always get to choose whether you let it in or not.
And so with phobias, you don’t need to take medication,
you don’t need to beat yourself up,
you need to dialogue with your mind.
Your mind’s job is to keep you here.
It gives you phobias because it thinks that’s useful.
And often in your childhood,
if a bird has flown into your face,
if someone has thrown a spider at you, you develop a phobia,
because your mind will always go back
to what something means.
I’ve had many people with a fear of water,
who’ve remembered almost drowning when they’re a kid
and now they can’t get on a boat,
some of them can’t even sit in a bath,
unless the water’s only that much.
And so I’ve worked with a lot of people
who’ve got fears, but you can talk yourself out of a fear.
When you have a brilliant brain,
which we all have, here’s your choice,
rationalise why I feel so bad,
"Oh, I can’t do heights.
"I’m scared of bees.
"I can’t be out in the summer, I hate birds,"
or, here’s a smarter way, talk yourself out of it.
My brain is trying to help me,
my mind is trying to protect me.
I’m gonna talk to it and go, "Thank you, but I’m cool.
"The bird is fine.
"The spider’s way more scared of me than I am of it."
And it really works.
And I’ve had clients, who within half an hour of a session,
can hold a spider in their arms.
I had a girl who came to me, so freaked out about cats,
20 minutes later she was stroking a cat in her lap
going, "I can’t quite believe it."
I recently did a Skype with a girl,
her mother said, she just about to go around the world,
and she’s terrified of cats, and the mother said,
"Wow, she’s sending in pictures
"of holding cats, holding dogs.
"What have you done to her?"
I re-wired her mind.
I dialogued with it.
I removed the phobia.
I just got the mind to understand, it wasn’t needed.
Thanks for tuning in.