Lhouraii: My whole life I've wanted blue skin
and every time I've seen someone with blue skin, I've thought I want to be that person.
About four years ago,
I started being Agoraphobic and I'm in this tiny space 99.9% of the time.
Today I'd like to try going out for the first time in four years.
Nathan: Shall we go out then?
I've always been...
different.
Even when I didn't dress different purposefully,
I've always been different.
I've never felt like I belong anywhere.
So I've always felt quite alone.
I don't feel like I belong anywhere on this planet.
So I tried to make myself a little world where I kind of feel like I do belong.
I’ve kind of always wanted blue skin, since I was a child.
Whenever I saw a character in a film, I’d just think that they were so beautiful.
And it just looked like home.
I'm not actually sure why blue.
It's just my skin colour that I feel myself in.
I think my idea of beauty is people being themselves.
I started dressing blue full-time about two years ago.
My boyfriend, I think is
he’d love me no matter what I look like.
Nathan: I could do more 80s based inspired Goth face.
When I first met Lhouraii,
she was doing blue but not as much as now.
It’s her way of expressing herself
and it keeps her happy.
I do think our styles are similar because they’re both extreme.
Lhouraii: I don’t paint myself everyday
just because I can’t afford the amount of paint, face paint it would take,
but if I could, I would.
I've done quite a bit of research
to try and find a way to become permanently blue.
And it's not very,
it's not been very successful so far.
I've tried taking baths in hair dye,
I've tried painting myself with various things which I wouldn't recommend.
I’ve considered tattoos,
but I think it would perhaps be patchy
and also I couldn't afford it.
About four years ago, I started being Agoraphobic.
I'm not sure what really caused it but I do know it was just in
many different things all adding up together
and eventually it just broke me.
For me, it's a fear of people.
I live in a boat with my boyfriend.
This is where I spend most of my time.
I rarely leave the boat.
I'm in this tiny space 99.9% of the time.
Nathan: I do encourage her to go out even if it's just
to the countryside.
Lhouraii: Being blue has nothing to do with my Agoraphobia.
If anything, it would help it.
It's not because I look different that I’m Agoraphobic.
Today I'd like to try going out for the first time in four years to a street.
I don't know if I can do it. I've tried before, I couldn't do it but I’ve not tried in quite a while so
hopefully I can do it today. I’m going to try.
Nathan: I believe Lhouraii will go out today.
I think it'll be difficult for her,
very difficult but I think this is something that she wants a lot.
I’m slightly nervous about it but..
I think she's stronger than she knows.
So we're going to go out and try to
go visit town.
Some place in town.
Do you think you’ll be okay?
Lhouraii: I don’t know.
Lhouraii: I hope so I mean, you'll be with me so..
Nathan: Yeah, shall we go then?
Lhouraii: I think social media helps people.
If it wasn't for social media, I don't think people would be
as free as they are now.
I used to get quite a lot of hate.
I’d get people inboxing me telling me to kill myself,
that I am a waste of space
and all this purely just because I wore a lot of makeup
and like pink and glitter and stuff like that.
And now, I think the world is changing
so now I get actually mostly positive comments and messages.
Lhouraii: Oh my God, I’m actually doing it.
Lhouraii: You get sheltered and you can go,
Nathan: I don't know, maybe stay away from the road.
Lhouraii: I don’t know how to cross roads,
I don’t know how I’m feeling but I’m actually out.
I wish it was snowing instead.
Nathan: I do see Lhouraii getting over Agoraphobia.
Soon, I’ve seen small progress over the last year,
she's definitely been getting better and better.
Lhouraii: It's like it doesn’t want me to be outside,
it's like "get back in your boat alien!"
Nathan: Maybe we should go back inside?
Lhouraii: Okay.
Just before I stepped out of the boat, I kind of doubted myself a little.
But like I said that was then,
the worst part is just going out of the door and stepping off the boat.
It was really fun.
It was a lot easier than I thought it would be
and I'm going to keep trying to
do it, to go outside somewhere.
You definitely helped, if you weren't there, there's no way I could have come out.
I just think people being their true selves,
living for themselves
and just dressing how they want to dress.
I find that so beautiful.
Being blue, it's like an armour that I can put on.