Ah, Spitshine, living proof that all that glitters isn’t gold.
Well, well, well… If it isn’t the legendary Luke Worm.
Do you really think you’ve caught me?
Nyahahahahahaha.
I don’t see anywhere for you to go now.
And soon you won’t see anything at all.
SURPRISE GLITTER.
Pwah!
AUGH MY EYES!
AAAAAAH!
WHO— augh.
WHO EVEN DOES THAT? GAH!
Oh no Luke!
That’s his one weakness!
Wouldn’t that be everyone’s weakness?
Yeah, I guess.
This reminds me of something
Is there anything that doesn’t remind you of something?
Oh, do I smell an intro?
Oh good here we go.
Today’s episode deals with infections caused by
foreign bodies causing injury to internal organs.
As such, if you are sensitive to descriptions of infected
wounds and body parts, viewer discretion is advised.
And with that out of the way…
Let’s get into it!
Glitter!
It’s fun, it’s sparkly, it’s the
crafting world’s “sweetheart”.
It’s also a life choice that, once made, cannot be unmade.
Once you decide to let glitter into your life, you can be
certain that it will cling to you and all that you hold
dear - especially if anything you hold dear happens to
be made of fabric that makes it impossible to get out.
And that’s probably the best of the downsides that
glitter has in store, because while glitter can provide
a quick moment of joy, the fun you have in the time
of saying “oh yay” can lead to a lifetime of problems.
Oh, but how could little bits of
pretty glitter cause a problem?
Well, for starters, inhaling it probably isn’t a good idea.
But worse than that, glitter is known to
have adverse effects on the environment, and
can even cause blindness and loss of life.
What? No way, how?
I’m so happy you asked.
A 19-year-old woman was admitted to
Swansea’s Singleton Hospital suffering from
a swollen eye and partial loss of vision.
Upon first inspection, doctors found
a lesion with a clump of matter.
At first, they believed it to be a herpes infection,
certainly not something you want to find in your eye.
But upon closer inspection, they found something strange.
Whatever the clump was, it had a reflective surface.
When questioned by her doctors, the woman remembered having
come in contact with a glitter-covered Christmas card.
Operating, the doctors managed to remove the
clump, and found it to be the very same glitter.
Fortunately for the patient, she was able to be
discharged with little more than antibiotic treatment.
Also, she got to keep her eye.
Which is more than I can say about others.
In 2016, mother Erica Diaz was cleaning up
after a craft she and her daughter were making
when a piece of glitter got into her eye.
This piece, described as nothing more than a
“small speck” managed to cut her cornea, only
the beginning of a truly hellish experience.
The cut soon became infected, and Diaz found
herself subjected to a tormentous process that
she documented in a series of galleries on Imgur.
One of the first images detailing her journey
featured her eye, completely red but for a white
iris and pupil, described by Diaz’s surgeon as,
“a waterfall of pus coming from the back of the eye.”
A pocket of that pus then exploded and leaked out
across Diaz’s face, requiring her eye to be coated in
antifungals, applied every hour with three oral medications.
From there, Diaz had cornea transplant surgery.
Unfortunately, the pus in her eye had built to a point
that it was pressing against the blood vessels hard enough
that the medication was unable to numb the eye, which meant
that the pain from the operation caused Diaz to wake up
After a second failed cornea transplant, the doctors
found that nothing was going to save the eye.
So instead of letting Diaz suffer a death
by, in her own words, “glitter fungus
eating her brain”, they removed the eye.
In its place, Diaz got a prosthetic— though par
for the course, even that was a struggle and
involved her insurance refusing to pay for it.
And if getting it in your eye is bad, breathing
glitter in can’t be very good either, can it?
Probably not, no.
Absolutely not!
Lungs are for air and good vibes
only, not little plastic bits.
Very good boys.
Argentina, 2014, 7 year-old Mauro Lopez Banegas
had celebrated his birthday
and had been gifted a brand new whistle.
The young boy had excitedly started playing with it as soon
as he had gotten home, and moreover, found that he could make
it blow sparkles if he put glitter in before blowing in it.
And then he accidentally inhaled instead
of exhaling, sucked down a lungful of the
glitter, and immediately started coughing.
Banegas’ mother, Berta, took him to the hospital where, quote,
“they gave him some medication that seemed to soothe things
down, but the next day he was worse and was taken to hospital
again where despite the care of doctors it had gone downhill."
Doctors found that the particular brand of glitter
that Mauro had inhaled contained zinc and copper,
which in this case proved to be toxic and blocked the
exchange of carbon dioxide and oxygen in his lungs.
Which is kind of an important function of the lungs.
Mauro proceeded to fall into a coma and, tragically,
passed away after fighting for his life for two weeks.
But wait, why was there metal in glitter?
Well, to make it shine.
Many kinds of glitter contain some
form of metal, much of it aluminum.
In this case, the kind inhaled just happened to
contain a much more destructive kind of metal.
So, what should we do when it comes to this sparkly stuff?
Well, Diaz has some words of advice
when dealing with glitter in the future.
“Do I think glitter should be banned?
No.
Just wear goggles and gloves when using it to protect
your eyes and keep it from getting stuck under your nails
where you risk rubbing it into your eyes accidentally.
“F**k glitter bombs, tho.“
Which is a sentiment that seems to be shared amongst
many who have been at the receiving end of glitter
bombs, even without the whole “blinding” thing.
After all, once glitter becomes litter, it
tends to be nigh-impossible to get rid of.
Oh mother— all over my— floor!
I’ll never get the— off of me.
In fact, this infuriating quality of glitter
has been capitalized by brands with the
intent of explicitly pissing people off.
Okay I just want it on record that if any “friends” send me
glitter without warning, we ain’t gonna be friends anymore.
But then if you do that then they’ll just send you
glitter again and the glitter cycle will never end.
Others, like Youtuber and Brew Crew favourite
Mark Rober, use it to actively punish wrong-doers.
Rober released three videos in which he custom built
a device to track porch pirates, with a motorized cup
that sprayed glitter out when it was opened,
and a canister of fart spray to make it smell horrifying.
Thankfully for the porch pirates, and for Rober’s
legal fees, the glitter sprayed out at the sides,
not up and didn’t get into people’s faces or eyes.
Had it, knowing the American legal
system, Rober may have been held liable.
Instead, his contraptions just made a mess around
wherever they were opened and stunk up the place.
Now, yes, we should take a moment here and address something.
A couple of the clips that Rober showed included two
reactions that were faked by acquaintances of one the people
helping create the video, as Rober stated on his twitter.
And as he also stated, those clips
have been removed from the video.
But that glitter?
That is one hundred percent a real
mess that someone had to clean up.
Glitter bombing was used as a form of political
protest before gay marriage was legalized, much
like slapping a pie in a politician’s face, though
with concerns over the potential for eye injury.
Oh, and if “life threatening injuries” wasn’t
enough, glitter’s also bad for the environment.
More often than not, glitter is made of plastic
and is small enough that it belongs to a
problematic category known as “microplastics”.
Once out in the wild, microplastics like
glitter can be consumed by plankton and fish.
Once enough microplastics are in an animal’s
system, they can die from starvation.
They can even make their way into humans who
consume them, as a study in 2018 discovered.
Trisia Farrelly, an environmental anthropologist, found
that the plastic that most glitter is made from can
be particularly troublesome when it breaks down, as it
releases chemicals that interfere with animal hormones.
And you know, humans are a kind of animal.
Those environmental concerns have seen some effect.
The Richmond Art Centre in British Columbia banned
glitter back in 2019, and in the UK major retailers
Morrisons, Waitrose, and John Lewis have all declared
that their 2020 Christmas products will be glitter free.
Oh, and Mark Rober’s second and
third glitter spewing decoy packages?
They used biodegradable glitter this time.
At the end of the day, it’s important to make sure
we’re not putting inedible things inside of us.
Just like you wouldn’t want to inhale sawdust at a workshop,
or get splinters in your eyes, you don’t want to get
glitter in there either, no matter how pretty it looks.
There are kinds of glitter that are marked as being “eye
safe” that are specifically used in makeup like eyeshadow,
though the American Academy of Ophthalmology warns to
be careful of glitter or metallic makeup, stating that:
“Flakes can fall into the eye, get into
the tear film and irritate your eyes.
Glitter eye makeup is a common cause of corneal irritation
or infection, especially for people who wear contact lenses.
Larger glitter or inclusions in makeup can scratch
the eye, much like getting sand or dirt in your eye.”
Craft glitter should generally be kept away from the
eyes, as while it may be a shinier, brighter, and
cheaper alternative, the risk far outweighs the reward.
And just like you wouldn’t - or rather I should say
shouldn’t - aim a nerf gun at a friend’s face, you also
really shouldn’t glitter bomb anyone either since they’re
often shipped in the mail without printed warnings.
Aaah, aaah aaah ooh you little—oh my God, all over the floor.
Unless you want to blind them.
And even then, I still wouldn’t recommend it.
And if you want to find a festive or fun craft
to do, consider using biodegradable glitter.
Or just forego the shiny stuff altogether and do something
safe, like making a gingerbread house, homemade putty,
or making smores to snack on while watching your show.
Luke, you can’t go back out there.
You could have gone blind.
You could have died!
I don’t have a choice, this city needs me!
But what if you meet Spitshine again?
Well I guess you could say… it’ll just be my time to shine.
I bet they’re gonna save the last fight between
Spitshine and Luke for their special holiday episode.
Oh speaking of which, we have one of those.
Check out On the Hill for some Secret Santa Shenanigans.
Happy Holidays, folks.