Released nationwide on August 7, 2015 - this superhero / action film is a reboot of the
Marvel Comics franchise of the same name, and the third theatrical release in that series
overall.
Despite stealing a profit of nearly $50 million from oversees markets, this picture vastly
underperformed domestically - and is the lowest grossing film shown in more than 4,000 theaters;
earning less than half of any other movie on that list.
A commercial and critical disappointment, an ill-advised sequel is still foolishly in
production for 2017.
The all-too-brief 100 minute feature follows a group of teenage scientists who unlock a
portal to another dimension, where they accidentally gain superpowers.
The cast of characters (who all have alliteration-heavy names) are led by Miles Teller as an ambitious
nerd who gains stretching flexibility; Michael B. Jordan as a thrill-seeker who can summon
the power of fire; Kate Mara is a soft-spoken friend who becomes 'The Invisible Woman';
and Jamie Bell is re-rendered into giant rocks as "The Thing".
Toby Kebbell, Reg E. Cathey, and 'The Simpsons'' Dan Castellaneta also play pivotal roles.
The usually talented group are downright terrible from a performance standpoint - unable to
deliver the clunky dialogue with any sincerity.
The piss-poor writing also prevents any believable relationships between these characters - who
interact with one another like frosty acquaintances at a high school reunion... instead of world-saving
allies.
Bell complains to Teller post-transformation, "I'm not your friend.
You turned me into something else."
- this is a decently powerful line, that sadly never sees a payoff.
And if that's not bad enough, we're meant to root for them to succeed when its their
selfish, reprehensible impatience that leads to their accident in the first place.
In what is the most baffling and terrible decision in the entire superhero-genre, "Fant-Four-Stic"
completely omits the middle of its story.
The movie literally has only two-acts.
The most crucial aspect of an origin story is exploring the characters' beginnings; and
how they became the famous comic book hero we all know and love.
Far too much time is spent on how they build their 'Quantum Gate' device - leaving no room
in the cramped story for the explanation or exploration of their new powers.
One minute the titular group are caught in a transdimensional explosion, and two scenes
later the narrative has jumped forward an entire year to when everyone has already mastered
their abilities, and acquired fancy costumes.
If you want the recipe for an engaging and interesting origin story - look no further
than Sam Raimi's original "Spider-Man" - an awesome picture with clearly defined characters,
and a well structured progression of the hero's transformation.
If you're looking for a step-by-step guide on how to make shit-stew, then watch this
crap.
So what went wrong?
Director Josh Trank's previous effort, 2012's "Chronicle" was a wonderful execution of very
similar ideas: hot-headed adolescents coming to terms with their new powers - and the result
was a surprisingly excellent production.
Trank and his team are so far off the mark with this picture though, I wonder if they
were abducted by rival DC Comics and forced to create "Fant4stic" against their will.
Indeed, 20th Century Fox's requests and unsupervised changes created widespread dissatisfaction,
with Trank complaining on the eve of the film's premiere, "A year ago I had a fantastic version
of this.
And it would've received great reviews.
You'll probably never see it.
That's reality though."
And I haven't even gotten to the technical side of things!
The editing is a rushed hatchet-job, with large sequences clearly left on the cutting-room
floor.
Trank's original cut was reportedly 40-minutes longer - which explains a great deal of the
aforementioned story and pacing issues.
The music from Marco Beltrami is reasonably suitable for the darker theme, but is entirely
forgettable.
The visuals are a lazy, unfinished mess - cobbled together by no less than five separate effects
companies - resulting in a cartoony, CGI-fakeness to picture's most important moments.
Marvel fans may want to watch this, if only to fill-out their scorecard, but all others
should stay far away.
The PG-13-rated disaster offers few redeeming qualities outside of its fascinating premise.
This is an unimaginative, cheap-looking picture with awful performances and lazy execution.
"Fant4stic" is an unfortunate cinematic abortion.
Now that I'm done bashing on it, let's give you a turn.
Despite some neat ideas, and a couple fleeting moments of entertainment - everyone agreed
this picture was a massive disappointment and a very BAD film.