Hey guys, welcome back. Thanks for joining me for another video so I get a lot of
questions
from people that are coming out of
narcissistically abusive relationships or not even coming out of them, but maybe they're even still in the relationship with someone and
One thing that is like a common thread is people really struggling to believe
Not that this person is a narcissist, but just what they're actually capable of giving in the relationship
And so I want to go over five things that you really have to accept that
You're never gonna get out of this person now if you are new to my channel
Don't forget to hit subscribe down below if you are a subscriber, welcome back. Let's get right into this week's video
So one of the first things is is that you have to accept that. You're never really going to see their true self
so when we have relationships with people
It is our intention to get to know them to eventually learn how to really be our
Authentic self around them to love them to support them to let us show each other
everything right the good bad the ugly the
Rawness of ourselves the things that we've been through the things that were fearful of the things that we're scared of
The fact that we're not perfect we just become human right rather than that beginning phase of dating
we're where our best we're putting on our best foot forward and everything is amazing as we begin to really settle into our
Relationship whether that's a friendship or a romantic partner. We become more and more of ourselves and
something that people most often really struggle with is
Not being able to kind of crack that egg with that person
So you're never gonna have a deep deep connection with someone who is narcissistic
You're never going to have a real real authentic soul
Heart deep connection because they're incapable of doing it
They are always going to just portray an image of who they want to be in this relationship with you
so if you know anything about
Narcissistic personality disorder then you will 100%
Understand that what you're dealing with is a character you're dealing with someone who is playing a role in
Order to hook you to lure you to get supply from you. It's really a very manipulative relationship. And so
for me
I think sometimes most people if you're really truthful with how you feel in this relationship, you will acknowledge that
Either something felt off in the beginning like you could never really get close to them on that emotional level
They never really showed you who they really were. Authentically, you know, either they were the person where everything is perfect
I'm happy all the time
I'm never stressed about anything. I'm never going through anything
They just weren't able to really be raw and vulnerable around you or you're dealing with someone who?
quite frankly is just
Emotionally no one's home. Right? Like there's no one behind the wheel emotionally and you can never really connect with that person
So all you will ever have with someone who is narcissistic is just a surface level
Relationship the next thing that you're never gonna get in this relationship is an apology now
They might do something where they'll apologize, but it's a very brief quick. There's no feeling there's no empathy
There's no sympathy or compassion for what they did because in order to really have a heartfelt
Apology for something that that person either said or something that they did you have to have two things
You have to have a person that is able to self-reflect
Right and able to take a step back look at their actions and self reflect on what they did to cause someone to feel sad
Uncomfortable not happy etc. And then you have to have a person that can also take responsibility for their actions
and that is a
thousand percent not something that someone who is narcissistic is able to do the reason why they're not able to do that is because
When we take responsibility for our own actions and whether that's good or bad
We have to sit and how that makes us feel for what we did and that
You have to have an ability to self-soothe in order to
Be able to do that type of you know inner work
so when I feel really crappy because I did something to you whether it was intention or not intentional and it hurts you I
Feel a certain way. I'm empathy for you of sympathy and compassion for you and I can sit in a space and
Feel what it would feel like for you to be that unhappy with something that I did and then it causes me to sometimes feel
Shame possibly guilt, right. It makes me feel uncomfortable or sad or disappointed in myself that I did what I did
To cause you that amount of pain so you will feel you know, a very sympathetic
heartfelt apology coming from me because I have the ability to have empathy for what you were just feeling or
Experiencing so someone who's narcissistic is not able to do that
so when I sit in the guilt or uncomfortable feelings that I'm having
because of something that I did to you I have to be able to self-soothe myself in order for me to not
Flip it on you in
Order for me to kind of sit and what I did and work through something that I did to cause someone else pain
Rather than making it about me and trying to make you uncomfortable or make you out to be the bad guy
And put it all on you and that it's your problem. I'll be able to sit with my own self and
Someone who's narcissistic can never take responsibility
for their actions for something that they did for something that they said for that simple reason because
When they feel that a feeling of guilt or shame which they never really feel because they can't even get there
but if they were to kind of slowly get in that space, their ego is
immediately blocking that feeling because
They don't know how to regulate their emotions so they can't feel that shame and that guilt and if they do
in any way shape or form
they're immediately going to shut that feeling down and make it about you and blame you for why they did what they did and just
Begin to flip it
so since their ego is always running the show because
They are covered in their own emotional wounds that they can never deal with and heal or even acknowledge that
ego will never fully accept
That blame that they're at fault and because that ego will never accept it that you're never get a heartfelt apology
You might get the words, but you don't really ever get the feeling behind
Someone actually apologizing. So like I said, you'll either never get an apology or if you do it will be a very quick
I'm sorry rather than the feeling of feeling sorrow
So the next thing that you're never gonna get with someone who is a narcissistic in your relationship is an equal playing field
Meaning you're never gonna get someone that where there's mutual respect. They don't respect you
You're not on their level you are beneath them. They don't respect you. They don't admire you they don't appreciate you
they don't value all the things that make you who you are and
That is HUGE because you're dealing with someone with such a grand ego that they are always going to look
At you as someone who is beneath them that they are better at life that they are better at their job that they are better
as a parent that they are better at home that
They're just a better human being period point-blank
The reason why this ego is so big is because it needs to operate in this way
It needs to be so grand because it's masking so much
Insecurity so many wounds that's why I always say like for me it was easy to stop reacting
To someone like this this type of a personality
because I realized that what I was getting hit with
Right all of this abuse all of this backlash all of this manipulative behavior all of this controlling behavior
Whatever it was gas lighting everything. I knew it was coming from that wounded part of them
now that didn't mean that I felt such compassion for oh, you're such a wounded little
You know bird that's flying around in this world, and I should just cater to you know
But I also knew the animal that I was dealing with and I stopped taking everything personally and this is something that was really really
Huge for me was when I realized this person is never going to value me. This person is never going to look at me
with admiration
And respect and I'm a mutual partner
I'm an equal partner. And I bring value to this really like that person was never going to view me in that way
because there is such a
Grand ego way of being with this person where you need to be beneath me
And if you even try to go toe to toe with me
I'm going to eliminate you and I'm going to either lose you as a friend
I'm going to discard you so you're not a good source of supply if you are someone that can go toe to toe
So if you're very successful
If you're very educated if you're very smart if you're witty
If if you have a lot going for you as I'm sure you do and you try to go toe to toe with that type
of personality
You're creating you're bringing out all of those insecurities and that person by being the smart intelligent, you know
social
Amazing person that you are so every time you show that level of confidence around someone who is narcissistic
You're never going to be attractive to that person
they all they need are people that can enable their behavior that are
insecure that are able to be highly manipulative or
manipulated
so they can take advantage of them and I don't want to say weak people but people that will just look at this person as
The most amazing person on the planet and that can do absolutely no wrong. That's exactly what someone who's narcissistic wants
So I always say if you're a person that someone who's narcissistic left you
They cheated on you. They ended the marriage or whatever the case may be even if they left you for another person
that is a huge compliment to yourself because that means that you were never or you were no longer a good source of
Narcissistic supply you were no longer the person that was feeding into that insecurity feeding into that ego. So
kudos to you the last thing and it's something that we've all heard of time and time again when it comes to
Narcissistic personality disorder and I think it's a great way to kind of hammer
this home is you're never going to be with someone who has sympathy compassion or empathy for you and
this to me the ability to have empathy and
Compassion for another human being is what allows us to be human
It's what allows us to have deep connections with people it is what allows us to be an authentic aliy kind
loving caring human being so
because of
Empathy we have the ability to connect even if we've never met before we have ability to hear each other's stories and connect on
That emotional level. So if you're dealing with someone who
Has none of that
They are not capable of even giving that because you're dealing with someone who is mentally ill
And I cannot stress this enough you're dealing with someone who is mentally ill
Emotionally immature you're dealing with someone who never learned these skills
growing up and quite frankly will never be able to learn them because
I don't say this in all facets of life. But in this facet it is a hundred percent true
the damage is kind of done at this point and
I think that while some of these things you might be able to look at and say, okay
Well, I guess I could deal with that I could deal with that
This is one that if you deal with this
You're never going to be happy in this relationship. You are going to be in a very empty
lonely
Relationship because there is a level of emotional connection that you will never have with this person aside from them being vulnerable
With you and you getting to see who they really are at their core
Even though you'll never get to see that this is different because it really has to do with yourself
You're never gonna get someone that validates what it is that you're feeling and what it is that you're going through
You're always gonna get a person that quite frankly doesn't care. You're always gonna get a person. That's very very distant
You're never gonna get a person that's gonna be able to
Authentically be there for you emotionally when you are going through life hard times good times
You know, they're right. They'll probably ride the wave with you when you're having the good times because
You're feeding their own ego, right? You're a mirror
You're just giving them exactly what they need, but when you need them, they're nowhere to be found
They will shame you they will guilt you. They will make you feel bad for you being a human being and actually having feelings Wow
you know you can never
Be raw you can never be vulnerable with them because they have that inability to really feel on that level
So for me, it's it's just such a I'm gonna say a waste of time
But if this is a romantic relationship, it's a very empty
emotionally empty relationship and if you can go your whole life in this type of relationship and be happy then
You know kudos, I guess good for you that you can block off that part of yourself
But most of us for periods of time are not going to be able to play that game forever
You might be able to play it in the beginning because maybe you're insecure. Maybe you're codependent. Maybe you're a people pleaser
Maybe you've been manipulated by this person
But over the course of your relationship
You will absolutely hundred percent hit a wall where you've had enough and you will gain the strength to leave this relationship
So, I hope that this kind of just hammers home like some of the things that we always talk about but really understanding that
You're never going to get these things out of this person
and so if you're in a relationship with someone or even if it is a friendship and you're kind of
Contemplating will this work? Could this work?
Maybe if I do this, these are black and white facts in terms of will this relationship work will this person ever change?
So, I hope that you guys have enjoyed this video if you did don't forget to give it a thumbs up
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I am doing an event in Boston if you are in the Boston area
It will be called empower yourself. It is a seminar that we'll be doing in downtown Boston on October 13th. There are details
I will link it down below. You can click the link and purchase your tickets
If you are interested in needing me and attending one of my seminars
So I hope you have enjoyed and I will see you next time