Ah... it's good to be back.
Howdy!
It's time for a nice, simple list.
Let's discuss one of the most nostalgic cartoons I know.
Who doesn't have nice memories of sitting down in the evening to just...
watch a few classic Simpsons reruns as kids, teenagers or adults.
But I realised over the years that there are a number of characters in the show I'd almost...
blocked out from my memory.
Rod: I've got that joy, joy, joy, joy, down in heart.
Todd: ???
Rod: DOWN IN MY HEART
And were unusually sloppily written for a cartoon I otherwise respect the writing of so much.
So let's check out the
Mr Burns: I'll give you the threshing of a lifetime.
And of course,
if you do like these characters,
that's great.
I'm very biased,
And I'm glad you can enjoy these characters when I can't.
Also, just a heads up that this video is sponsored by the Amino app.
Amino is a smartphone app which lets you connect with a whole network of communities.
And this includes...
pretty much every cartoon community you can think of.
From Adventure Time, to Steven Universe to Gumball...
you name it.
They've got it.
They've got the latest news and a ton of chat rooms quizzes and polls
But my personal favourite is the Steven Universe community.
I mean, jeebus, LOOK AT SOME OF THIS ARTWORK.
IT BELONGS IN A MUSEUM!
There's always new aminos being made as new cartoons come out.
and I've personally found it to be a very welcoming community.
In case you're wanting to look me up on there, I'm under the username "phantomstrider"
:| big surprise there.
I also just posted some new polls.
One looks at people's absolute favourite cartoons.
And one looks at your favourite crystal gems.
They're polls in the Steven Universe Amino.
Anyway, on to the countdown.
I've always found Santa's little helper just contributes nothing to the Simpsons.
In early series....
He's mostly an annoying mutt of a dog,
but I've always struggled to put my finger on why this is.
Why is he so irritating?
Then I realised it's because he acts like a realistic, normal, untrained dog.
He rips things to shreds without a moment's thought,
he drops his guts wherever he wants,
and shags anything that moves.
Lisa: What's Santa's Little Helper doing to that dog?
Marge: Uh oh...
Bart: It looks lik he's trying to jump over him but can't quite make it.
And I guess I'm just one of those people who doesn't find realistic dogs that interesting in a cartoon full of vibrant characters.
Some of the moments he's in are just cringe-worthy.
Marge: MY QUILT!
Marge: Six generations... ruined.
Probably the worst moment is when we watch him rip to shreds a priceless family ornament.
Santa's at the start of this list because...
like a lot of good dogs,
he does have some loyalty to his owners, Bart.
and as the series goes on,
he does lose the spotlight and becomes more of a minor, supporting character.
Homer: Yeah!
Rod: And if the devil doesn't like it he can sit on a tack,
Todd: Ow!
Rod and Todd can be annoying,
but what's most frustrating is that they receive the least amount of character development of any recurring characters in the Simpsons world.
Ned: Is this all he watches?
Maude: Well he used to watch Davey and Goliath.
Maude: But he thought the idea of a talking dog was blasphemous.
All that we're ever taught about them is that they're
dangerously sheltered, isolated and repressed.
But see, that could be interesting.
So what happens when they grow up this way?
We learn at one point in a future episode that Todd was dating Bart's girlfriend.
Jenda: Ugh... I never had this problem with Todd Flanders.
And apparently, they did the dirty a lot.
Tell us about that!
I really want to know how repression affected these two kids.
And that's the thing.
When these two appear in a future episode,
I want them to say something,
so I can learn more about them and how they turned out.
But they are so badly developed that we never get to learn anything about them.
Rod and Todd could be argued to be little more than precaution messages on the dangers of saturating a child in religious propaganda.
without giving them room to come to their own conclusions or think for themselves.
Which is an interesting message!
So expand upon that! Tell us what happens to them as young men!
95% of the time,
Artie has been a self-obsessed, perverted scum who, frankly, gives nerds a bad name.
Artie's imagination: Artie Artie Artie Artie Artie Artie Artie Artie Artie Ar Ziff Ziff Ziff Ziff Ziff...
His narcissistic personality combined with his extreme sense of self-entitlement,
makes him a character that really makes me shy away from the term "nerd".
He's a fine example of how little money matters compared to who you are.
Because I can't imagine ever liking this guy,
no matter how smart or rich he is.
Marge: [get off me you little] nerd!
The only time I started to like him more
was when he redeems his character by sleeping with Selma
...oddly enough...
Selma: My kinda man.
And I liked him a lot more after he tried to start righting his wrongs.
Selma: Well he can't break my heart.
Selma: 'Cause he kinda makes me sick.
Selma: This could work.
Helen: Won't somebody please think of the children!
Helen is little more than an unpleasant stereotype of the town gossip.
and not in that fun, over the top way.
but in this malicious way where she seems to relish in seeing others suffer through her rumours.
Helen: And the family's a mess, and quite frankly...
Helen: I think she, uh...
She's not only judgmental to other characters,
But she's what's known as a "fair weather friend".
A "fair-weather friend" is someone who's helpful to others,
but only when it's advantageous for them to be so.
To me, she's an ugly reminder of that type of fake friend who is
never truly there for you when you need them the most.
and I imagine you can picture that exact type of friend.
Even her voice kind of grates on me!
Helen: PERVERT!
Wiggum: Oh boy, that sounded bad.
It's that type of too shrill, over the top voice that bores into your ears like a drill.
Helen's halfway on this list because, even if she is a town gossip stereotype,
at least she cares about, well, the children.
At least she stands for something.
While Selma shows real vulnerability in her personal struggles to find companionship,
Patty has just been irredeemably frustrating to watch as she relentlessly torments Homer,
season after season!
Patty: Mmm... am I wrong?
Patty: or did it just get fatter in here?
This is sadly another character who is so single-layered and uninteresting,
that she seems to exist only to socially stunt her sister and pick on Homer.
Patty: Yes it is! [in response to: is this seat taken?]
Patty: Hey! Beat it!
All Selma wants is to find a man,
and we can see her struggle through this.
I mean at one point in a very early season,
we do see Patty show vulnerability when she dates Seymour Skinner,
But after that,
it's almost exclusively her saying,
"I'm a jerk who doesn't like anyone"
Patty: Oh boy. Oh, that felt good
But then we get an episode where we see her look for a partner in golfing,
Great! Good for her! Tell us more!
But then it turns out she doesn't like him because of his gender.
Patty: Hell no!
Patty: I like girls!
Which is fine, but,
what was the point of all that, then?
In my opinion, Patty seems to be a character that is purposefully made to be unlikeable.
Patty: Don't be stupid.
But I guess she works as a good anti-smoking message.
*Imitating Patty* Call Quit-Line today!
Or you'll end up with a gruff voice and no likeability.
Causes strokes, heart disease and lung cancer too.
Luan is just not a likeable character,
She's stuck-up, she seems to treat Kirk really badly,
and she seems to be a neglectful mother, too.
Ms Hoover hates her job,
and that's about the total sum of her character.
She's constantly neglecting Lisa and the rest of the class,
It wouldn't be so bad if Ms Hoover was shown to have some tragic past or something that causes her to be such a bore.
For example, we know extensively why Bojack is hateful.
because it is explained to us in excruciating detail.
But all Hoover ever projects to other characters is
she hates you, and she doesn't care.
So expand on that!
Why doesn't she care?
What does she care about?
What made her become such a bitter, empty husk of a human being.
It hate to say it, but at least Helen Lovejoy cares about the children.
Ms Hoover is just nothing,
but boring apathy.
Ms Hoover: Best 18 will be put on file in the school library.
Ms Hoover: Available to anyone who requests them.
Frankie: Can we do illustrations?
Ms Hoover: No.
Not caring about the children,
not caring about the people around her,
maybe not even caring about herself!
We don't know because her character's never developed beyond not caring.
at least when someone cares about something, misguided or not, it's interesting.
But there's nothing more tragically dull,
than a character who emanates nothing beyond... apathy.
As Darth Kreia once said,
"Apathy is death"
"Worse than death"
"Because at least a rotting corpse feeds the beasts and insects."
"Apathy is death"
But the ironic part of this is,
it's the characters that keep me coming back to the Simpsons year after year.
Most of the major and minor characters from the Simpsons remain the most memorable part of the show, even today.
It's not the stories or messages I still tune in for nowadays,
It's just to see those unforgettable characters I grew up with
and just see what they're up to this year.
and no matter how stale The Simpsons might get,
the characters alone will probably keep me coming back for a long time yet.
and if you think I missed a particularly lowsy Simpsons character,
Feel free to let me know in the comments.
I love to hear your thoughts.
And as always,
And I'll see you next time.
Starring Josh Strider (aka PhantomStrider)
Subtitles provided by Orbus XV.