- The motivation behind the song was kind of funny.
I went through my first ever real heartbreak
for the first time, this summer, which is funny,
'cause I've written a lot of love songs in my life.
And, you know, the song I feel like
is pretty, self-explanatory.
The lyrics aren't too...there's not that many metaphors
or things that are like deeper to understand.
I feel like it was straight out like, how I was feeling,
exactly right after it happened.
And I honestly just like, you know, the breakup happened,
and then I went to the studio
and wrote this super, super fast,
because it was the first thing on my mind that day.
For me personally, the studio and the dance studio,
and you know everything that I can kind of express myself
is the only thing that really makes me happy
and being on stage, so that's what I'll do.
Like if I'm in a really horrible place,
I just need to write in order for me to get better,
and I think it's honestly just finding your outlet
as to what makes life seem a little bit better.
One of my biggest coping mechanisms with things
is to distract myself.
This song, the whole intro talked
about how I literally don't like crying.
I like hate the feeling of like feeling vulnerable,
which is funny 'cause I'm a songwriter,
but I feel like what I do is I'll make sure I'm super busy,
so I don't remember like how it feels to be alone.
And so, I honestly just pack up my schedule so much
and make sure I'm constantly working
to make sure I don't think about people sometimes
if I like miss them a lot,
which is something I need to (laughs) work on.
But it was exactly how I'm feeling.
I jus-I feel like I put on a really tough facade sometimes
and never actually try to get to the point of things.
What I wish I knew before getting into a relationship is
that anytime you get another person in your life
and someone else you know comes into your heart,
at some point, they're either gonna stay for forever
or they're gonna leave, which is a very hard thing to face.
And I think that's something that you just never realize
when things are so exciting at the beginning.
It was genuinely the only word
that could describe the feeling that I had in my gut
that day was death.
(laughing) This literally feels
like the worst possible pain I could ever imagine,
and I didn't really know what that felt like.
And I was like, I genuinely,
like I was staying up all night long,
'cause I'm like, so many things racing through your head,
and it's not good things.
It's literally just like every single horrible thought
running through your room over and over and over again,
and I think that's exactly how I felt in that moment.
It was just, (laughs) I thought I was going to die.
The best way to get over someone is to improve yourself.
I just like, I think putting yourself first
and literally just finding
what you want your purpose to be in life
and what you-who you want to be, what kind of person you want to be,
I think that's the most crucial.
I think everyone thinks that automatically
they need to have a rebound because then
that's going to cure everything,
but the majority of the time,
it makes everything so much worse.
I genuinely think it's like,
after you get out of a relationship,
when you're so dependent on a person,
it's like re-finding your independence again.
I feel like I'm very picky, so it'll take me a while
to fall for people, and I'm just like very wishy-washy
until like when I find my person, I find my person.
I don't think people should be in relationships
just to fuck around.
I feel like people should just be in relationships
if they really like the person,
and they genuinely think that there is
some sort of possible future.
That's how I at least think.
I wouldn't get into a relationship just to like you know be there.
So I feel like, yeah,
you've always got to think there's forever with someone.
I remember asking my mom before I had my first kiss.
I'm like, "Is this gonna be a natural thing?
"Am I going to know how to do this?"
And she's like, "Yes, it's natural, humans can do it."
And I'm like, "I really don't think I can.
"I'm super scared."
(laughing) And then when it happened, I was like,
"Oh shit, you natural instincts better kick in!"