As parents, we constantly wonder if we're on track or not. In parenting, how strict
is too strict? To answer this question. we've got to get into the motivation. Its
what's driving it. I think that determines whether it's too strict or
not. Before we dive too much into that, let's get a little bit more of a
definition. Strict I think means being able to enforce appropriate limits and
rules effectively without giving in or being inconsistent. This is how I'm
defining it. Strict is not mean. Strict is not mean. Put that in your notes
somewhere. To be a strict parent is not a bad thing. To be a mean parent, we got a
problem. So, strict is not mean. Keep that in mind as we talk about this. It's still
a legitimate question. How strict is too strict? Where are you coming from as a
parent? What is your motivation? What is your job as a parent? It's so fun for me
when I get on discovery calls are in our Positive Parenting Coaching groups, I ask
people, "What is your job as a parent?" They always know. If they've been watching the
channel. And you do too. If you're new to the channel, here's the
answer: To love them no matter what and even if. To love them. Your job is to love
your kids no matter what and the even if. Now, if we play the even if game, "Even if
they hate you?" Yes. Even if they hate you. "Even if they don't do what you ask them
to?" Uh-huh, yeah. Have you tried that one? Every
parent gets tested on that one. "Even if they get strung out on drugs or get
thrown in prison or become a menace to society?" Yes. Even if all of that terrible
stuff happens. Your job is to love them no matter what even if. Are we clear?
That's important because we go back to the question. How strict is too strict? I
tell you what. If you think your job is to make sure that they anything, then you
are at a high risk for being too strict as a parent. That motivation will have
you jumping in and intervening and meddling and micromanaging to a point
that is going to drive your kids crazy and it's going to frustrate you as well.
We can look for that through 3 important feelings. These are indicator
feelings. Frustration, anger, resentment. If you as a parent are feeling a lot of
frustration, anger and resentment, it's probably because we got the control and
maturity out of whack. But it also means that you are at risk for being too
strict. Or as the case may be for being too lenient. Because what if you think
your job is to make sure that they're happy? They're going to throw all kinds
of opportunities at you arguing that "This is what will make me happy mom. Dad,
this is all I ever wanted." And you will cave in and you will give them and
indulge them in whatever their desires are because you think your job is to
make sure that they're happy. Your job is not to make sure that they anything. Still love
them no matter what even if. And that's going to help us to regulate the right
amount of strictness. Shared this on some other videos. It bears repeating here.
There are 2 things that give you authority as a parent. You've got to have
both in order to have authority. If you're missing one or the other, you
won't have the authority that you need or the respect of your children. Here's
the 2 things: You have to be able to set and enforce appropriate limits.
Strictness has to do with setting and enforcing appropriate limits.
Remember, it's not being mean it's being able to do that. You have to be able to
set and enforce appropriate limits. And the second thing you need
to have authority with your kids is to be seen as a provider of good times and
good things. You have to be able to provide some positives and some fun and
to lighten up from time to time. If we're not having fun, we're doing it wrong.
Both of those are required to have authority. To be able to set and enforce
appropriate limits and to be seen as a provider of good times and good things.
If you're not up to speed on either of those, you're probably at risk for being
too strict or 2 lax. So, what is an ideal level of strictness?
I think the ideally strict parent would have a calm and pleasant demeanor as
they are able to set and enforce appropriate limits. Follow through with
consequences with consistency and focus on the relationship with their child as
being the most important element of this whole equation to start with. The
relationship is what will give you the opportunity to influence your children
for the long term. Even after they've grown up and they're living a life of
their own. We don't want to sacrifice the important elements of that relationship
for some selfish desire to make sure that they whatever. That relationship is
the most important. And it's more important than the structure of the
discipline. I think to have that ideal level of strictness though you want to
be able to focus on that relationship without sacrificing the structure of the
discipline. You just keep it straight in your mind about which one's more
important. Well, you've probably figured it out by now that parenting is more of
an art than a science. And there's some predictable principles we can apply
obviously. It's going to take some practice too. And probably a community of
other positive parents like you. Would you invite someone to the channel?
Share these videos with them. Let's increase the community of positive
conscious parents that we have in our world.