-If you guys wouldn't mind,
I'd just like to write out my weekly
thank-you notes right now. Is that cool?
Because I was running a bit behind.
[ Cheers and applause ]
James, can I get some thank-you note writing music, please?
♪♪ [ Laughter ]
His -- his tie is missing. -Wow.
Think he lost it?
-He must have lost his tie, yeah.
[ Laughter ]
There we go.
-Is it casual Friday? I don't know.
♪♪
Thank you, Mitch McConnell's smile
at the State of the Union, for looking like
the Mona Lisa's weird creepy uncle.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Wow.
♪♪ [ Laughter ]
-Thank you, Iowa caucuses,
for giving us definitive results of the one thing
we pretty much already knew,
old people are not good with apps.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Hey, what?
[ Laughter ] ♪♪
-Thank you, Altoids tins,
for making my pants sound like they're playing calypso music.
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Bouncy calypso music playing ]
[ Whooping ]
[ Rhythmic clapping ]
-Curiously strong.
[ Music ends ]
♪♪ -Thank you, Red Lobster ads,
for showing that there's nothing more appetizing
than watching seafood catch some sick air.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Wah!
-[ Laughs ] Through water.
[ Laughter ]
Mm, shrimps.
♪♪ [ Laughter ]
Shrimps are good. [ Laughter ]
I like shrimps. [ Laughter ]
Those biscuits are good, too.
[ Laughter ]
-For the seafood -- -What's that?
Everything good? -What's that?
-I didn't say anything. [ Light laughter ]
♪♪
-Thank you... [ Laughter ]
Malbec, for sounding less like a red wine
and more like a grizzled detective getting called in
to solve one last case.
[ Laughter ] "You're a loose cannon, Malbec."
[ Applause ]
♪♪
Thank you, Emergen-C,
for tricking me into thinking I won't get the flu
by eating a tiny packet of Tang. [ Laughter and applause ]
There you have it. Those are my thank-you notes.