- I mean, have we not solved it already?
Is it tomatoes, or is it tomatoes?
Can't the tomatoes just get together,
hold a meeting, and call the whole thing off?
And what's the deal with airplane food?
Does anybody actually like this stuff?
- Hey. I'm airline food!
- My mother's airline food.
- Uh oh. Looks like there's a problem
in the peanut gallery.
(funky music)
- (Little Apple) This is the night, Pear.
Tonight, Little Apple makes his moves.
(laugh track)
- On the new secretary at work?
- Precisely, at the annual company party.
- I see a couple holes in your plan.
First, do you even know her name?
- Not a clue.
- Secondly, and perhaps most importantly,
women hate you.
(laugh track)
- Not a problem. I've got a plan.
- A plan to get bigger somehow?
- What? No. I was gonna get a wig.
- Oh.
- Wait, are you telling me women don't like that I'm small?
I thought it was because I was bald.
(laugh track)
- I honestly can't say.
I'm not a woman.
- Come on! I'm a good size.
- Hey guys.
(laugh track)
- Passion, do women not like me
because I'm small, or because I'm bald?
- We don't like you because you're an idiot.
(laugh track)
- Fair enough.
- So, how was your date last night?
- It was ok. Me and this guy watched a little Adventure Time
and then we went back to his place,
yada yada yada.
- Wait, you just yada yada yada'ed over the best part.
- Yeah, you can't yada yada yada over the best part.
- No, I told you about Adventure Time.
(laugh track)
Anyway, you guys heard about
this new soup place across town?
It's supposed to be amazing.
Anyone want to go before the party?
- Pear does.
- I do?
- You've got to keep Passion distracted.
She cannot come to my company's party
til after nine.
- Why not?
- Because there will be dancing until nine.
You remember the last time Passion danced.
- Of course.
It's seared into my memory forever.
(laugh track)
I almost vomited.
- No dancing Passion.
It'll ruin my chances with the secretary.
It'll throw the whole thing off.
- Alright, alright.
(laugh track)
- Great. I'm off to buy a wig.
- Hey! We talking about wigs over here?
(laugh track)
Cuz I can totally get you a wig.
- Really?
- Oh yeah. I know a guy.
Sells wheat germ wigs in Central Park.
20 bucks a pop.
- Well that's super cheap. Are they any good?
- Good? They're great.
Trust me, you've never worn a wig
until you've worn a wheat germ wig.
(laugh track)
- Well, if you say so.
- Oh, I almost forgot.
What time is your company party?
- Uh later, much later.
(laugh track)
I hope.
And remember, when you meet my boss
make sure to pronounce his name exactly right.
- Oh yeah? How does he say it?
- Toe-ma-too.
- I beg your pardon?
- Toe-ma-too.
It's French or something.
- That's it!
We've got tomato and tomato,
and now we've got a whole other one to worry about.
(laugh track)
I say no. I refuse.
I'm calling the whole thing off.
(funky music)
- Next.
- I cannot wait to try this soup.
- Um, I don't have anything smaller than a twenty.
- No soup for you.
(carrot screams)
- Eesh. This guy's being a real Nazi
about this stuff, isn't he?
- Yeah, but apparently the soup's so great,
so you just have to put up with him.
- Oh no. Grapefruit's here.
- Hello, Pear.
- Hello, Grapefruit.
(laugh track)
Trying the soup, eh?
- That's right.
I've been enjoying the finer aspects
of our city all day.
In fact, I just picked up some premium
wheat germ at Central Park.
- Next.
(laugh track)
- Hi. Um, do you have minestrone?
- It's pronounced minestrone.
- Really? Cuz I've always heard minestrone.
- That's it. No soup for you!
(laugh track)
- Wait? For possibly mispronouncing soup?
- Yes, get out.
(laugh track)
- Whatever. Let's just go to the party, Pear.
- Uh, party? But you don't wanna
- Next.
- I'll have the toasted wheat germ soup, please.
- Excellent choice.
Oh no, we appear to be out of wheat germ.
- Oh well then today's your lucky day.
(funky music)
(instrumental dance music)
- Hey! How's the wig look?
- Great, great. It's just...
- It's just, what?
(sniffing sound)
- Do you smell something?
- No.
- It's probably nothing.
(laugh track)
Whoa. Who's she?
- (Little Apple) that's her!
And she's wearing a name tag. Perfect.
This is Little Apple's time to strike.
(laugh track)
Hello there.
- Little Apple, from Accounts.
- That's me. Fancy seeing you here, Potato.
- Oh, actually, it's Po-ta-too.
(sound of record scratching)
- Pardon?
- Po-ta-too. It's French.
(laugh track)
- Is that so? My name is French as well.
Little Apple, care to introduce me
to this stunning young woman?
- Well, of course.
Mr. Toe-ma-too, meet Miss Po-ta-too.
- A pleasure to meet you, Mr. To-ma-too.
- The pleasure is all mine, Miss Po-ta-too.
Come, let me show you my numerous sports cars.
(laugh track)
Perhaps we'll take a ride in one.
(laugh track)
(sketching sound of frustration)
- My boss just stole the girl of my dreams.
Could this get any worse?
- Check out that lady on the dance floor.
- What?
(laugh track)
Pear, why are you guys here so early?
The DJ is still playing.
- We couldn't get soup.
Passion made me come right here.
- Blah, is it me or does this place
reek of rancid wheat germ?
- What? Are you saying my wig is past due?
(laugh track)
- I'm saying your wig has turned, Little Apple.
The germ has turned.
- Wow the germ has turned.
- The germ has turned!
- Ah what's that smell?
- Oh no. The wig's ruining the party.
- Meh, I'd say it's already ruined.
(laugh track)
(kissing and giggling)
- Wait, isn't that your girl with Mr. Tomato?
- Hey, hey!
It's To-ma-too to you!
Now get out of here.
(laugh track)
- What?
For mispronouncing your name?
- Yes. Get out. No party for you.
- Wooo! This is my jam.
(laugh track)
- Don't worry, Pear.
I have a feeling this party's about to go south.
- Her dancing is so horrible.
I think I'm gonna barf.
(rising anxious music)
(barfing sounds)
- You guys wanna get a bite?
(laugh track)
- Yeah. I could eat.
(laugh track)
Diner? Chinese?
- Oh. We should get soup.
(funky music)
- My soup, it's rancid.
- Oh no, this germ has turned.
I used turned germ.
(laugh track)
Oh!
- Ugh, I'm never coming back here again.
- Me neither.
(puking sound)
(laugh track)
- I used turned germ.
(funky music)
(upbeat guitar music)
(laughing sound)
- (Voiceover) Knife.