- Hey, everybody, surprise!
Well, not really a surprise, if you're
on the younow live stream
you know why this video's going up.
We got over 10 new Patreon patrons
and therefore you get an extra video this week.
Ta-da!
So, let's just jump right into this question.
And the question for this extra video is,
"Hey Kati, I have not watched your videos
but things have been a bit rubbish lately
so I'm back."
Well, I'm glad I can be a resource.
It says, "I've been thinking a lot about the fact
that when I was a kid," in parentheses,
"I don't remember what age it started
but at least maybe five, possibly younger,
I always was and am the person my mom comes to
when she's struggling."
In parentheses it says, "she has Asperger's
and was on anti-depressants when I was younger.
Also my dad wasn't supportive, and they divorced
when I was eight.
Is it okay slash normal
that I feel angry about having had to take on
that adult responsibility from a very young age?
Even though I know she didn't mean to hurt me?"
This is a great question.
And something that I've kind of talked about before.
I have a video about being the parentified child
that I'll link in the description so that you can
watch for more information.
But the short answer is yes.
It's completely normal slash okay to feel extremely angry.
What happens when we become a parentified child,
and parentified child by the way just means,
kinda like what it sounds like.
As a child, before we're actually a parent,
or even an adult, we are in a way forced
because of our environment, to be adultlike,
and to act like the parent.
Many of my clients who are parentified children
would get up early, make sure their siblings
got up early, make lunch for everyone,
do all the things that a quote unquote
normal parent would do.
Because their parent wasn't able to, wasn't around,
maybe had a disability or some other factor
that made them lack the parenting skills
or the ability to parent.
Therefore, we're parentified children.
And so with regard to this question, of course it's normal.
When we become a parentified child,
what that essentially does is rob us of our childhood.
And I just want that to sink in for a minute,
because when we don't get to be a kid,
and that can be anything, from I really wanted to go
to Disneyland, to I wanna build a blanket fort
and play with my friends, or I wanna stay up really
really late and watch Arsenio Hall.
Any kids from my era?
You know what I mean.
Whoop whoop.
But whatever it may be, we never got the chance to do that.
And therefore, we always feel like it's lacking,
and it can make us really really angry,
mostly because we're sad.
I've talked about anger being like,
it's like a defensive emotion, you know,
it's a secondary emotion, and it comes out first.
'Cause it's protecting what's really going on.
And so the fact, my guess would be,
that being angry and feeling hurt about this
is really because you're grieving the loss
of your childhood, and it's really sad.
So my advice moving forward would be to
A, go to therapy if you can afford to, if you can.
Or start that process, 'cause it sounds,
'cause she used the term Mum, so I'm assuming you're
in the UK or somewhere in that area,
so maybe go to your GP and try to get a referral.
And start talking about it.
And secondly, something you can do now
is start journaling about your childhood
and the way you wished it maybe could've been.
I would encourage you to let yourself dream a dream
of the perfect childhood, what that could've looked like.
And then the third thing that I would recommend
is allowing yourself to do those childlike things.
Maybe write down a top five list.
What are some things you really wished you could've done?
Is it a stuffed animal you really wanted to get?
A game you really wanted to play?
Is it some just activity or going somewhere?
What is it?
And then let's work towards those.
Let's work to achieve those childhood dreams
because even though we may be older now,
doesn't mean that we still can't make it happen.
You know, we can still do that for you,
and we can still give you the child adventure
or the child experience that you are so craving.
And overall, what I want you to hear is that
your experience and what you're feeling is very normal,
and it's very okay.
I hope that those tips and tools and things
that I'm offering are helpful.
And as always if you have any advice,
if this is something you've been going through
or you're going through currently, can you leave
in the comments like what has helped you?
What you've found most helpful.
Are there certain tools or certain types of therapy
that were the most beneficial?
Because all of those things together
will get us out of this so that we start
to feel better, we start to feel like we had a childhood,
and we had an adulthood, and we can process through
any of the things that are kind of holding us back,
so that we overall feel better and happier.
I wanna thank each and every one of you
for showing up on the live stream.
If you haven't been able to make those,
and you're wondering what I'm talking about,
you can go to younow.com/katimorton.
It's a live streaming app that I use,
you can do it on your phone,
you can do it on your laptop, and it's just
a way for us to interact in real time.
And there are different funny things
like a tomato that rolls out and explodes,
and cannons, and all sorts of fun times.
So make sure you check it out.
I thank you all, I couldn't do what I do without you.
And I will see you next time.
Bye!