“You’re so anal.”
“Oh, I’m a bit OCD too.”
“Just smoke a joint and chill.”
“So, if I move this, does it bother you?”
Ha ha.
This is the best one.
“Oh I’m a bit OCD too!”
“I’m a bit.”
Yeah like I just got the ‘O’.
“Does that not really annoy your OCD?”, “Oh, that’s making me really OCD”, “Oh
I feel really OCD about that.”
Oh.
It drives me really fucking insane!
Yeah.
I’m a little bit obsessive compulsive disorder?
If you actually say it in full it doesn’t make sense.
You're either particular, or have a mental illness.
It’s like theres two people kind of fighting, and one’s going that’s totally ridiculous.
Yeah.
Like of course, of course that’s going to happen.
Yeah.
Of course that bad thing is going to happen.
And the other one’s like what if?
No, no go, go!
Go back and check!
My mum slept on the floor with me last summer.
For like, a week, because I couldn’t be by myself.
I know it’s illogical.
Yes.
But I still have to do it.
Or have to do it.
And I think that’s the hardest thing to describe to people.
You always feel responsible for everything.
Yeah.
You always feel like anything you do directly affects other people.
I’ve had, some sort of really bad times.
Where I’ve just like have this really intense feeling that I’m just like a danger to everyone
I know.
There’s nothing glamorous, there’s nothing funny, there’s nothing quirky about that.
It’s horrible.
It’s hell.
“You’re so anal!”
Isn’t that a question you ask someone on a third date?
I probably am a bit anal to be honest.
But isn’t everyone?
I’m meticulous by personality.
Right.
Anyway.
I’m not meticulous because of OCD.
I think that’s a better term for what you’re classing as your OCD, is being a bit anal.
It’s like saying to someone who’s depressed, “Oh you’re such a downer.”
Yeah!
It’s like “oh you’re such a whiny bitch!”
You know, you wouldn’t say it.
“How many times a day do you wash your hands?”
Hmm, enough to make them bleed, cracked, raw, painful…
It was never a case of “right they need to be washed 100 times a day” and all feel
absolutely fine,
It was always a case of no I need to wash it in this certain order for it to be fine.
When I worked in a hotel, I had to wash my hands constantly.
Because when I get germs on the glasses.
They’d be like, It was to get rid of the thoughts.
It wasn’t because I thought…
I could see that my hands were clean.
But it was sort of like a mental contamination.
Yeah.
Like they didn’t feel clean, and the bad thoughts hadn’t gone and so I needed to
consistently do this washing rituals.
You know I don’t have OCD things about cleaning, Yeah.
It would be because I have horrible intrusive thoughts that if I don’t do the cleaning
then…
Then you know, I don’t feel like they are going to go away.
“Do you like odd or even numbers?”
Well 69 is my favourite number.
I don’t like any fucking numbers, mine’s to do with numbers.
All numbers piss me off.
You’ll turn the TV on and you’ll put it on like 21, and they’re like you can’t
have it on an odd number!
Yeah.
Why?
It doesn’t bother me.
Well actually, I like even numbers and I like multiples of 5.
I’d always have to say it in like 5s.
Like, “no, no, no, no, no.”
It will be multiples of eight that will be on my brain for like a month.
And then I’ll sort of, like, think, “Oh I’m doing alright with that now.”
And then it will be the sevens come in.
It will be the twelves come in.
I think generally, it’s like, assuming people with OCD have this thing with numbers.
Yeah.
Where like, I think when you look at it, it goes so much deep than just odd or even.
“So if I move this does…”
I know what the end of the sentence is.
Does it?
Does it bother you?
Only if you stick it up my ass.
If I’m eating, and that’s my bowl and someone goes to me…
“Does it bother you if I do that?”
Yeah it does, I’m trying to eat it mate.
What you doing?
Exactly.
You wouldn’t trip someone up with a broken leg?
Or kick them and say...
Yeah … oh does that hurt?
Does it hurt?
Someone might have a particular OCD thing with moving stuff.
But for me, I couldn’t give a toss.
They watch the way I walk.
They watch the way I talk.
They watch the way I hold a pen.
And they'll watch the way I like… anything I do.
They’ll be looking at me like, that was OCD wasn’t it.You know, it’s not fucking
OCD mate, that’s just how I do stuff.
Because it’s probably not out there, as really a severe medical condition.
People don’t see it as … oh “It’s just OCD isn’t it.”
“It’s just OCD”.
“We’ve all got a bit of that haven’t we”
Yeah, yeah.
These buzzfeed things all the time that say, “20 things that will really annoy you if
you’ve got OCD.”
And these people commenting being like “Oh my God it’s so annoying.”
Yeah.
“It really, really sets off my OCD!” and you just think.
Have you had images of you...
No. ...kicking a baby in the face.
Cos if you had, then you could probably say you have OCD.
“It must be hard to date?”
Yeah.
It’s hard to date anyway, let alone adding my OCD on top of it.
You don’t want to bring it up immediately, because it’s a way to sort of like kill
something.
Way to bring the vibe down.
I do sometimes generally bring it up.
Like the number thing.
Get it in early doors.
Yeah.
Like I love that top that you wearing, I’ve got OCD by the way.
Speed dating not long ago, I lied, I completely lied about everything.
Because I thought, obviously she knows I’m a bit like, “Ooh that.
A bit of that and she might think “ooo no, no thank you.”
I went through a period where I’d just get smashed and sleep around because it just took
away all of the worries of dating.
and I didn’t have to talk about it, because you’re smashed and on a night out.
You should never hide it.
You should tell people straight away.
It’s hard to tell someone in two minutes speed dating.
No it’s not.
OCD!
Ha!
“Will you ever be able to live a normal life?”
Well nobody is normal.
Yeah.
Nothing is normal.
Everyone is fucked up underneath.
Yeah.
If somebody offered to take my OCD away I’d give it to them on a plate.
Like you know have it.
It makes me have to change the way I live my life to the point where everything is a
bit worrisome.
Everyone has got their own sort of, their own pathway to get better.
And I think that took a long time for me to realise.
And as soon as I did that’s when things started to get better.
And I’ve had therapy and I went on medication, and I met other people with OCD, and I got
better.
And now I think I live a normal life.
Like I.
My OCD is still there.
But I’m still working at it everyday to try to get rid of it completely.
It’s all about accepting that stuff isn’t going to be perfect.
Yeah.
Imagine going to a theme park, and then someone come up to going, “You can’t go on any
of these rides.”
And you see everyone else having loads of fun.
I think that’s a great example.
Like you’re in a little bubble.
Someone is going, “Should we go on that ride?
You can’t go on it Ahhh” But then you and I can…
It’s like you’re there, but you’re not there.
But we can go on the log flume together.
No you can’t go on anything.
Shall I explain this again to her?